Compost Studios

Today is my birthday, and on Saturday, January 20 my Grrrl friends back home in Virginia had a party for me. Heather hosted at her cozy place at the end of the cul-de-sac and about ten of my best buds rocked her house. They transformed Heather’s kitchen bar into a smorgasabord, pulled out the fiesta plates, and partied on without me.

They ate Better-than-Sex cake in Virginia while I had to settle for just plain sex in Belgium. Am I a bad, bad woman for wanting to have my sex and eat cake too? Yeah, I thought so. Excuse me while I chat with my conscience. (“Don’t be a greedy Grrrl, Miss V. Some people didn’t have sex OR cake last weekend. Think of the less fortuante, hon, your mom would want you to do that. And quit writing about sex. You know E-Man hates when you do that.”)

Before sending out party invitations, Heather had me make a “wish list,” and the party guests showed up with items for a birthday care package. At the party, they all sprawled on the living room floor, not because they were under the influence of Jan’s favorite beverages but so they could wrap the pile of items that had been carried through Heather’s door that night.

I noticed from the video they sent that Michelle and Beth supervised the wrapping from the sofa—maybe they were the designated drunks and were not permitted to even SIT on the floor with scissors. Looks can be deceiving. Beth is a wild, wild woman underneath her calm exterior. I suspect she, Lisa, and Eileen go barhopping in Central Park on Saturday nights when they’re supposed to be out doing the mom thing, buying school supplies and groceries at the Wal-Mart Supercenter. I know your secrets, y’all. Word gets around.

Now Joanna would never go bar hopping, but keep her out of the casinos, OK? She's a math whiz and loves to play with probability. And don’t believe her stories about what happened when she was in Las Vegas. (What Joanna, you say NOTHING happened when you were in Las Vegas? Hey, don't ruin a good story! Cultivate an air of mystery.) Anne managed to slip in and out of the party and not be videotaped telling dirty jokes, but Anne, I heard you dropped in, and I know you missed the cake. Thanks for coming, Grrrl friend. Sorry you missed the party.

Despite her protests, Joanna survived being videotaped. Stephanie displayed her wrapping prowess as well as a great new haircut (too cute, Steph!). Somebody bought BLT dip, and that spinach dip in the big soft bread shell. Michelle brought the ham and swiss dip, there was brie, and other wonderful things to make crackers (and people) happy.

(“I used fat-free cream cheese, y’all, so don’t worry--there are no calories in my ball….Did I just say there are no calories in my ball?” Yeah, Janis, you just did. I love no-calorie balls! Wish I was there!)

My big dork moment: I couldn’t stop myself from waving at my computer monitor while the video played. I wanted to holla-back Grrrls. (And by the way y’all sing well—love that “cha-cha-cha” at the end.)

When I saw Heather’s three-year-old daughter bolt for the Better-than-Sex cake when they finished singing Happy Birthday, I hoped she wouldn’t share how good it was with her Sunday school teacher the next morning. (“I want to thank Jesus for the sex at my house party last night! It was the best ever!”)

Even after this rowdy crowd kept her kids awake past their bedtimes, Heather managed to box up all the packages and haul the big box to the post office on Monday. In a miracle of the APO shipping system, it arrived in our mail on FRIDAY, and the E-Man staggered up the steps with it.

I was as giddy as my 8-year-old daughter--squealing and hopping around, wanting to open the box right away but forcing myself to wait until Sunday when I would be celebrating my birthday with my family.

And so after consuming tea sandwiches made by the kids (with Virginia ham we found in a Belgian store) and two slices of traditional English sponge cake with cream and jam filling, I settled down on the floor with the big box and started unwrapping all the presents. There were fuzzy sleep socks, boxes of tea, stuff to buff my nails, a Mary Kay set, Jergens Natural Glow lotion, a fabulous knit scarf in an auburn brown shade that matches my hair and eyes, note cards, rubber stamping and scrapbooking supplies (including a stamp of the Eiffel Tower and a set of travel phrases—how cool!), books (including two by David Sedaris—cha-cha-cha), a big scrapbook with extra pages for my European post card collection, a wall calendar, candy, and drink mixes.

I was blown away by my Grrrl Friends thoughtfulness and generosity and the way they had reached halfway around the world to send their love and good wishes to me on my birthday. Getting old has never been more fun. They are SIMPLY THE BEST. Applaud, Internet, applaud. These Grrrls deserve it—and more.

And so today I salute the Home Grrrls--this blog’s for you! Some day I hope instead of Grrrl’s Night Out in the neighborhood you will have Grrrl’s Night Way-the-Hell-Out in Belgium. Y’all could get a group rate on travel. Jan, we have good beer here and French wine. The rest of y’all can come for the chocolate. We’ll have a ball (fat- and calorie-free, of course!)

January 30, 2006