Compost Studios

Reading about Katie Cowhorns’ and Granola Grrrl’s experiences with Internet dating and the hidden messages in personal profiles made me wonder what I’d say about myself and what I value in a partner if I were posting a personal ad at this stage in my life. This proved to be my toughest writing assignment in weeks. The results of my exercise:

Very white female without tan lines seeking single man, with or without tan lines. Need not like kids but must like mine. Sense of humor critical, hair optional but preferred. Must be into fitness but not sports, spiritual but not a scripture-quoter, clean but not too neat, responsible but not uptight, empathetic but not wimpy, kind of traditional but not patriarchal, smart but not a smart ass, a thinker who takes life but not himself seriously. Must be familiar with the over-40 female psyche and able to navigate amid fluctuating estrogen levels. Must know when to advance, retreat and surrender. Ability to discuss books, movies, and politics necessary. Ability to make me laugh richly rewarded. No whiners or TV junkies allowed. Those who can’t/won’t do housework should not reply.

As for me, I’m a tea-drinking, Web-writing, mid-sized, middle-aged chick, who can be smart, funny, and a little lazy. Not a morning person. Not exactly a night person either. I haven’t figured out what kind of person I am. Idealistic and cynical, sometimes in the same sentence. Cheerful and moody, often in the same minute. Theoretically committed to embracing change but finding it hard to make change happen. Spiritual and religious in fits and starts. In shape from the waist down and flabby from the waist up. Brown eyes, thick curly hair. I shed like a Lab but I’m not a dog. Done with having babies, into raising kids. Bored with sports but interested in health and fitness. Trying to age gracefully but still covering my gray. Into all things cozy. Unimpressed by most things shiny. Practical. I'm amused by pop culture, treasure my friendships, and have a weakness for sweaters and books. OK, OK--I admit it--I also have a lot of purses.

(Yeah, I know. Who would answer this? I think I have the only interested party on long-term lease...Better not let the E-Man read this. He may decide I'm not his type.)

November 2, 2005