Compost Studios

Things got pretty hot and heavy with Eddie over the summer. We spent hours online together, I kept getting packages from him, and he always seemed to know just what a Grrrl wants—soft hoodies, linen dresses, cute wrap tops with modern prints, t-shirts in my favorite earth-tone colors. When the weather cooled down, Eddie and I weren’t in touch as often, though I’ve lived in his turtleneck sweaters and fabulous down vest with the fur collar.

Those of you have been following my love affair with Eddie know that he never disappoints me. We have a long term relationship that goes back at least 15 years and has only deepened over time. Sigh. Eddie’s in my heart, he’s in my head. Let’s face it--he’s all over me. It’s true--Eddie Bauer has got me covered from head to toe with the kind of quality clothing and gear I adore (www.eddiebauer.com).

Today I received the best after-Christmas present ever—pants that fit! Yes, we all know that finding pants that fit is heavenly under any circumstances, but finding pants that fit online is an absolute miracle. I’ve been living in jeans and sweats for months. After ordering--and returning--some pants from a big-box mall retailer online, I tried some on in local stores, but they never fit right or flattered me.

Catalog stalwart Lands End always rubs me the wrong way. And L.L. Bean doesn’t fully appreciate my long legs. Let’s face it, both LE and LL make me feel a little dowdy, a little old. Still I wasn’t ready to let other catalogers into my pants. I mean, sure we’ve shared a sweater or two, maybe some outerwear, but pants are different. I mean, I didn’t even feel comfortable letting my faithful love Eddie in my pants after an awkward incident in a dressing room years ago.

But Eddie Bauer has changed since then. Grown up. Matured. Now he’s more experienced. He completely revamped his pants sizing and fit categories this year, just as I was getting a little desperate. Timing is everything. Finally, just before Christmas, he propositioned me with a 20 percent off discount and free shipping offer. Clearly it was now or never.

It was time for Eddie and I to take our relationship to the next level. I spent hours online, studying the fit diagrams and descriptions, reading the Web catalog copy, and making a wish list. And then I JUST DID IT—I ordered SIX pairs of pants from Eddie in different fits, styles, and colors praying ONE of them would work and I’d be freed from my slovenly existence of all jeans, all the time. I was filled with both anticipation and dread—how would things work out?

Today Eddie finally showed up on my doorstep, and I couldn’t wait to get at that package. Fifteen minutes later, all I could say was “Oh Eddie! Oh Eddie!” ALL the pants fit. ALL the pants flattered. How could I ever have doubted him?

But now that the afterglow has faded, it’s time for reflection and a bit of remorse. I shouldn’t have! Six times! What was I thinking? How am I going to explain all this to my husband E? Will he understand? Will he forgive me? Will it all blow over in a month when the credit card bill is paid?

One thing I know for sure: I need both E’s in my life. I would hate to have to choose between them. One dresses me, one undresses me—it’s an ideal arrangement. Every woman should be so lucky.

December 28, 2005