Yesterday I had a high-fiber, high-protein cereal with skim milk for breakfast, soybean cakes for a snack, black bean soup for lunch, and chicken and broccoli for dinner.

How shall I put this delicately—all this healthy eating is fueling a lot of violent gastrointestinal activity.

Or more bluntly—if farts burned calories, I’d have lost 10 pounds by now.

The only thing I’ve lost is my self-respect. Look at me, I used the F word in my blog!

Have a good weekend.