Compost Studios

Pardon me while I rant about parents that don’t believe children are capable of mastering basic social skills, the ones that are oblivious to how disruptive their kids can be, the ones who smile indulgently when their kids speak loudly or out of turn, interrupt adults, or yell or holler indoors, the ones who think it’s fine for “kids to be kids,” regardless of the setting.

Sigh. People, there’s a time and place for everything.

Contrary to popular belief, it is quite OK to tell children to lower their voices, to use conversational tones, to stop shrieking or shouting, or to be completely quiet. Every thought that runs through their cute little heads does not need to come out their cute little mouths. If they master this concept early, they’ll grow up to be fully functioning members of society who can operate in a variety of settings. They’ll also have better marriages. : )

Knowing when and how to talk has to be taught EARLY and continually reinforced. If your home is a place where kids routinely bellow at the dinner table, interrupt conversations between you and your spouse, and refuse to let you talk on the phone or to another adult, they’re going to wind up having a very difficult time adjusting to school and other group settings where people will not be hanging on their every word. Sure kids have wise and funny things to say. Yes, they deserve to be listened to respectfully, but they also need to learn to speak respectfully.

No matter how cute, smart, spirited or precocious your child is, there are times when children should be SEEN and not HEARD. When an adult is talking, kids need to shut their word holes—regardless of whether that adult is a teacher, minister, Scout leader, coach, tour guide, or dinner guest. Same applies during weddings, graduations, school assemblies, movies, plays, concerts, and church services. And let’s lower the volume on trains, planes, and in automobiles.

Yes, I know, all kids have their own personalities and issues and different ages and stages dictate in part what’s reasonable to expect from them. I’m not ranting about kids with developmental problems or talking about round cheeked babies cooing occasionally, giving a little squawk of displeasure, or laughing happily. However, fussy or crying babies need to be removed from the scene of the crime, unless you’re on a plane, and then I send all my sympathy your way. If you think sitting near a crying baby on a plane is bad, try being the parent of a crying baby on a plane. No dirty looks allowed.

However, while I may grant Airplane Amnesty for parents, let me remind you that it’s stupid to take a hungry or tired infant or toddler out in public unless it’s absolutely necessary. We all know what happens next--MELTDOWNS. Hint: when you have kids, you have to put their needs before your own—and that means working around their sleeping and feeding schedules and accepting you’re going to miss some things in the process of doing that. Is it a pain in the ass? Do you have very limited time? Do you feel squashed by the limitations of life with an infant or toddler? Of couse you do. Hon, that’s PARENTING.

As for older kids, let me be blunt: if your kid can’t sit still or shut up, then don’t take them to places where it’s expected or required. If you have to take them, find a way to quietly channel their energy. If it’s a school play or awards assembly or something similar and you don’t want to miss the part where your other child gets to shine, then have a friend take your younger child out for a few minutes. Or take turns with your spouse outside. Just please don’t ruin the event for the rest of us by ignoring your child’s needs and limitations.

Acceptable ways to deal with a kid who can’t keep still or quiet do not include: letting kids play UNATTENDED in the back of the room or just outside it, letting them continually get in and out of their chairs, crawl under or over people, or wander endlessly up and down the aisles.

Thanks for letting me rant. I’m done now. Print this out and pass it on to people that need to read it so we can all enjoy the end-of-school-year events and activities and all those June weddings and graduations.

May 22, 2006