Compost Studios

...the very first week the kids are back to school after a two and a half week Christmas break, they have a three day weekend! In the last month, they've gone to school for maybe five days, and my son was home sick two days last week. I am tired of nonstop eating, nonstop cleanup, and nonstop “Can so-and-so come over?” I made them go to bed at 8 p.m. tonight. Give. Me. Some. Space.

...I need a pair of black dress pants. The ones I have don’t fit anymore (grrrr!), and the ones I tried on on Saturday were too big in one size and too small in the next size down. Skinny, trim, or chunky—whatever shape I am, I am ALWAYS between standard sizes.

Did I mention how hard it was to face my reflection in the dressing room with the fluorescent lighting turning my skin a ghastly blue color and casting deep purple, cadaver shadows under my eyes? If I’m going to have to view myself as a Zombie Woman or some horrid Pod Creature, I should have at least been rewarded with a pair of nice trousers that fit. But nooooooooo. Instead the pants are sloppy around my waist and make my ass look like an overstuffed piece of carry-on luggage. Whose idea was it to put those FLAPS on the rear pockets? Some skinny bitch designer--that's who!

...I chatted online with a customer service rep for Lands End, certain they would come through for me with a pair of black pants. I'm such a little fool! There was ONE pair of dress pants available in any style in my size—and they were navy. I don’t do navy, even when I’m desperate. Apparently Lands End is “between seasons” so the new line of pants isn’t available yet and the old line is picked over. Bottom line (pun intended): there are no pants left. I am forever V-Grrrl in the Middle—STUCK between sizes and now between seasons. But I have other reasons to be cranky, because...

...there was an art debacle at Chez V today, the second one in six weeks involving newly purchased artwork. I bought my husband framed prints by a Belgian artist for Christmas. We hadn’t hung them yet, and they were propped against the sofa in the living room this morning because I was cleaning the spot where they had been laying flat. My son and his friend were playing and knocked them down to the CERAMIC TILE floor and broke one frame in two and dinged the other. I was SO PISSED.

...this is the same son who was told to stay in the car while I quickly walked his sister into a building for an extracurricular activity this afternoon. Did he stay in the car? NO. I caught him inside the building at a snack shop buying two big packs of candy. Did I mention he bought and ate an entire box of Girl Scout cookies on Saturday plus two regular size packages of other candy? And that he bought more sweets on Sunday at a bake sale? And that I just had to order him HUSKY SIZED pants for the first time EVER? I don’t forbid him sweets, but his consumption of them is out of control. Between the binge eating and sitting on his butt with his Game Boy, he’s going to turn into a mental and physical BLOB.

And then he’ll be just like me.

GAH!

See, I told y’all I was cranky.

January 15, 2007