...I think like a 12-year-old boy:

Son: What are those green things in the fruitcake?

Mom:  Candied boogers! Why do you think fruitcakes don’t appear until December? It’s because they have to wait for the fall cold and flu season to produce enough snot to use in the cakes!

***

After a long full day at a very crowded Christmas market in Germany, mother and son are part of an enormous mob of people waiting for a ride on a shuttle bus to the parking area outside the city. We can’t even see where we’re supposed to be going, we're hanging onto each other's jackets to keep from being separated as we’re being pushed along by the crowd:

Mom: I feel like a lemming. Any minute now, we’re going to discover we’re part of a group being pushed off a cliff.

Son: No, there’s a big hole in the street up ahead that swallows up all the pesky tourists…

Mom: Yeah, all the tourists fall in a hole and slide down a chute into a meat grinder. They turn them into sausages which are sold at the market!

Son: “Mmmm, isn’t this Bratwurst fresh! So much better than what you get in stores…”

Mom: “American sausage is the best. Tastes like pork!”

Son: “First we take their money and fatten them up on waffles, pretzels, candy, latkes, and frites…”

Mom: “And then we eat them…”

Son: “A new form of recycling!

Mom: “An efficient green initiative. Kinda like eating boogers…”

December 11, 2007