Compost Studios

When we decided to move to Belgium, it was a leap of faith in every sense of the word. I had visited Belgium many years ago but had never lived abroad nor entertained fantasies of expat life in Europe. Yet when my husband’s professional expertise offered an unexpected opportunity to move to Brussels for three years, I didn’t hesitate in embracing it.

Even lacking details on his compensation and benefits, the nature of the position he was applying for, and what our lives would look like, we jumped into the process. It was a decision we made more with our hearts than with our heads. From the very beginning, moving to Belgium felt like the right thing to do. Sure, we discussed pros and cons and practical considerations, but I think we were swayed less by them than by the conviction we both shared that for reasons we couldn’t explain, we were meant to live in Brussels.

It’s been nearly two years since we arrived jet-lagged and nervous at Zaventem, our tired brains trying to process reams of information in an unfamiliar environment. Like other expats, we were both excited and dismayed by the changes in our lives, our moods alternately happy and confident and bewildered and confused. Moments of elation followed moments of despair, but over many months, life found a rhythm and daily life lacked the drama that comes with being a new arrival. Soon we were settled, we found a social circle and a place in the expat community, we got to know our neighbors, and while not fully at home (we still don’t speak Flemish and my French is spotty), we no longer always felt like outsiders.

Now as we approach the beginning of our third year in Brussels, we’re faced with another difficult decision. We have the option of moving back to the U.S. on schedule, extending our time here for a set period (two additional years for a total of five years) or taking steps to live and work in Belgium indefinitely. The decision on whether we leave or whether we stay impacts every major area of our lives. We have to consider how our decision will affect our careers, our children’s education now and when it comes time for college, our financial standing and retirement plans, even our healthcare. Making a decision based on any ONE of those variables would be challenging, considering all of them at once is mind-bending.

You can gather information and parse and analyze it. You can speculate and plan. You can try to be objective about where the “best” place is for you and your family to live, but there are intangibles that can’t be quantified regarding quality of life, a sense of belonging in a community, the importance of proximity to friends and family, the meaning of living abroad and being an expat, and the effect being raised in another culture has on children long term.

I’m a practical person and more often than not, will choose a path based on what makes sense and seems reasonable. But in the end, I think whether we leave or whether we stay will once again be a gut decision based on our convictions and our mood rather than on cold hard facts. Sometimes it’s what you can’t explain or measure that determines your level of contentment. Sometimes it’s easier to admit that life just doesn’t always make sense!

February 12, 2007