Compost Studios

V-Grrrl: The weather is supposed to be beautiful all week, Keyboard. I don’t think we’ll be spending much time together.

Keyboard: Oh thanks. Now I know what the opposite of “a fair weather friend” is.

V-Grrrl: All the sunshine has me thinking of our summer trip to Virginia and Florida.

Keyboard: Are you going to hit the beach?

V-Grrrl: Yeah, and I can’t wait to cross the dunes and see the waves. I’m sure we’ll be spending time at the pool as well.

Keyboard: Oooh. That means you’ll have to wear a swimsuit.

V-Grrrl: I know. I’ve been avoiding wearing a swimsuit for the last few years because I feel so self-conscious, but you know, that’s just stupid. When I was younger, I vowed I would never morph into one of those simpering middle-aged women who thought their lives were over when they stopped wearing bikinis.

Keyboard: Exactly! Life’s too short to spend time worrying about your pot belly.

V-Grrrl: That's not a pot belly, Keyboard, that's a "love bumper." Ahem! Besides, I've been so busy thinking about the blue veins on my legs that I forgot all about the belly. I wonder if my old suit still fits. I’ll have to try it on.

(V-Grrrl digs through the plastic box under the bed and finds her cute Hawaiian tank suit with the low cut back. She shimmies into it, thinking it’s tight but maybe she can get away with it.)

Keyboard: Hmmm, it’s not awful but it’s not good either. Let me see the back.

(V-Grrrl turns. Her Keyboard gasps and types some exclamation points. !!!!!!)

V-Grrrl: What Keyboard? What’s wrong? (V-Grrrl stretches to catch sight of her reflection) Oh no! No, no, no! I have BACK fat! How did that happen?

Keyboard: Just when you’d made peace with your front fat, the back fat stages an ambush from behind.

V-Grrrl: No lie! Gah! I had no idea that was there! Where did it come from? This looks horrible. We can’t have the Hawaiian tank suit cutting into the back fat like a knife slicing ham. Quick Keyboard, take me over to Landsend.com. I need to pack my back fat away. I need a Slender Suit!

Keyboard: Or a Miracle Suit. Or maybe just a miracle…

V-Grrrl: I'll take whatever I can get. If you find a miracle for sale, charge it!

March 27, 2007