Hey Y'all,
I'm tired of writing serious posts about the sad state of the world and crazy people and guns and politiicians and mental health funding and social problems and all that. I'm not cut out for carrying the world on my shoulders. People, I have a bad back!
I just want to return to my happy place in the enchanted forest. Check out my photo album and you'll see how happy a place my happy place is. It is THE happiest place ever, y'all. Look at this photo and imagine being there.
Happy, happy, happy.
But I'm not happy.
I'm not happy cause E, in a fit of virtual housekeeping, deleted Microsoft Word by accident.
I know, I know. How do you delete Microsoft Word by accident?!!! How? How? HOW?
Well it had something to do with the date on the program file and him thinking this was an OLD version of Microsoft Word not our ONLY FREAKIN COPY OF MICROSOFT WORD.
I'm struggling to remain calm, even though I'm a WRITER and how am I supposed to live without Word recording my words?
I was all forgiving and sweet this morning when he confessed to the results of his dirty digital cleanup because I thought it would not be a problem to undo and restore the files.
I was wrong. All that niceness was wasted.
I go to Microsoft.com thinking, "I've been wanting to get Office 2007 anyway. No problem, I'll just get it right here, right now."
But oh no, I was WRONG. I can't order straight from Microsoft and download it immediately. No, I have to make a purchase from a Microsoft retailer.
Hello! Bill Gates! I'd just like to tell you that dropping in at CompUSA, Best Buy, or Staples is not a freakin option for me. Not, not, NOT!
(Stamps foot for emphasis.)
FINE. I will order it online and have it shipped.
FINE. I will try to live and breathe and carry on without word processing software for at least a week while waiting for a package from the U.S.
(Pauses briefly to breathe into a paper bag and stem finger-tingling hyperventilation symptoms).
There now--all I have left is anxiety.
(Debates popping an extra Zoloft while wishing for a Xanax. )
SIGH.
OK, I'm back. Where was I?
Oh yeah, I was at the part where I was going to order Microsoft Office from Best Buy. And it wouldn't let me put my APO address into the order fields. So I get online Help, follow the directions exactly, and it rejects my address over and over and over again until I want to thrust a fist through the monitor and grab a real person in Cyberland and tell them to send me the software NOW. I need the software!!!!
I'm just not up for this crap because, people. I'm now in hour two of life without word processing, and I'm not feelin so good. I mean for a writer this is like breathing thin air. This is like having my ventilator switched off. This is like a kink in my IV. This is like an office visit from Dr. Kevorkian. I'm not handling this well!!!
(Pauses to breathe into paper bag again. Wonders whether a copy of Microsoft Office purchased in Belgium will run on American PC. Hyperventilates again.)
Did y'all know Europe has its own digital format to prevent digital piracy? Yeah. Their CDs and DVDs can't be read by my computer, TV, boombox, or DVD player. What about their software? I don't know.
(Pauses to weep softly over FREAKIN INTERNATIONAL DIGITAL PIRACY LAWS.)
Don't worry. I'll be fine. I still have a pen and a legal pad.
(Wipes snotty nose on sleeve).
E is leaving for the Netherlands in an hour and will be safe from my wrath and mental instability.
(Note to self: Do not insert flip remark here about how it's a good thing I don't own a gun. That would be in very, very poor taste. The fact that you're even thinking about it shows how far you've fallen. Remember the cardinal rule of Southern Ladies, "Shut up and be gracious!")
Sigh.
Til later.
Yours til the pen runs dry--while my keyboard silently weeps,
V-Grrrl
April 24, 2007