Compost Studios

Last week I went to a meeting for parents of rising middle school students. The school counselor was there to tell us all about how our kids' lives were changing, how to choose electives, how to plan for college, and the importance of time management and organizational and study skills in the coming years.

Gulp.

I knew this was coming. I’ve been preparing my son and talking about it, but now we’re taking our first baby steps forward, and it’s sobering. Adolescence is looming. My kids are growing up. The stakes are being raised.

A college prep schedule was distributed, graduation requirements outlined, and diploma endorsements described. Other parents immediately began peppering the counselor with questions:

Can a student take Algebra I in eighth grade?

Can an eighth grader study two languages at once?

Why wasn’t band offered earlier?

Why didn’t they split third period between PE and study skills classes—alternating?

How are you going to keep smart kids challenged?

What about advanced placement tests?

My lack of questions made me feel complacent by comparison. I often feel this way as a school parent. Many of the parents I encounter are very competitive and assertive in trying to shape school offerings and policies and advance their kids. I’m not like that.

Is my satisfaction with the schools my kids have attended a sign that I’m not pushing them hard enough or paying close enough attention? Or are the schools fine and the other parents overly anxious? It seems anxiety is contagious. One person asks questions and asserts our kids aren’t going to be able to compete with kids from other schools, and then the mood shifts in the room and everyone starts to squirm and feel uneasy.

Like anyone else, I want my children to be challenged to do their best in a positive and supportive learning environment. I want them to be well educated, well rounded, and ready to succeed on their own, but while the quality of the school is a big part of that equation, I think their attitude may even be a bigger key to their eventual success.

What I want to see develop in my kids is accountability and responsibility. I want them to set their own goals and only look to me for guidance, not an agenda. I want them to recognize that barring extenuating circumstances, their success or failure in school is their own doing. They’re not poor or disadvantaged in any way. They’re both bright. They may occasionally find themselves in less than perfect circumstances in the classroom or the school, but they should make the best of it. They need to visualize the life they want as an adult and then recognize that the big and small choices they’re making right now will influence how and when (and if) they arrive at the place they want to be in life.

So as we approach the beginning of the home stretch in parenting, I remember when E and I were teaching them to ride bikes. I tell myself that our role at this point is to run behind and hold onto the seat of the bike. They have to pedal. They have to learn to steer.

Before I know it, I will have to let go and watch them glide away and disappear in the distance. I’m praying in that moment that they’ll have learned to keep their balance and move forward under their own power down whatever path they choose.

April 30, 2007