E and I bought our first house when I was 21. We lived in Oklahoma, a place where real estate was cheap, cheap, cheap. In the early 80s we bought a small three-bedroom brick house that was only a few years old, and it cost us all of--wait for it, y'all--$36,000. Some of y'all drive vehicles that cost more than our first house.

In 1990, we moved back to Virginia and were shocked by real estate prices. This time around we bought a bigger house on a bigger lot in a lake community, and that charming Cape Cod cost us all of $139,000. I was a nervous wreck about spending that much money on a house. It seemed extravagant; I couldn't sleep at night.

But oh, how I loved that house--the way the light moved through it, the hardwoods and pine trees that swayed outside the windows, the cozy corners upstairs. Over the years we tore out carpet and put in solid oak floors, we replaced the cheap vinyl in the kitchen,  and we added on a family room with floor to ceiling bookcases and built in cabinets surrounding a fireplace, loads of windows, and pretty French doors.  E built a garden shed in the backyard. Later we completely remodeled the master bath and had a Jacuzzi put in.

When we decided to move to Belgium, we rented the house to a friend, who allowed us to use a closet upstairs to store some of our family heirlooms, and promised to give the house the TLC it deserves. She's done just that and our house is spotless and perfectly maintained.  But as much as we love that house, it's in a poor location relative to schools and E's office. After living close to everything in Belgium, we're no longer willing to embrace the commuter lifestyle and spend hours in transit each day. When we move back, we want to be in a better location, closer to everything.

I found and contacted a realtor in advance of this trip so she could do some legwork before we arrived in the U.S. and target the area we were interested in. On Tuesday we visited a number of homes and were reminded how hard the home buying process is.  We'll be spending a lot more money for a lot less house, and weighing advantages and disadvantages against the house we already own complicates things.

So far in the process, I've been able to visualize myself happy in a number of settings while E has had a harder time.  Tomorrow we hit the road again to step into people's homes and private lives, to witness the places they've loved and raised families. Some folks are retiring, some people are being transferred, some are already gone. Each time we unlock a front door, I know someone's hopes are being raised, that someone is praying we're the right buyer. Some of the homes are immaculate, lovingly tended and decorated, and you just know it's hard for the owners to let them go.  As I look through these houses, the specter of my own beloved house follows me. I feel protective of the homeowners, wanting to reassure them in some way that I understand what these rooms hold for them, what the house means, and that if we buy it, we'll tend the ghosts of their memories with love.

July 13, 2007