The Expat Challenge
August 21, 2007 at 6:01 Expat-CIT had asked me to write an expat challenge, something to inspire those who, like her, are preparing to move to Brussels or other countries. She left the interpretation of her request up to me, and for more than a week now it's been rolling around in my head.
A challenge. Hmmm. The advice I'd give any expat-to-be is to understand that no matter how much you research and prepare to move to a place, you will still be knocked flat by the experience. Give yourself time to adjust, not just weeks, not months, but as long as it takes. You'll vacillate between revelling in all that is foreign and exciting about your new home and wanting to just have a day where you can do ordinary things like driving, shopping and transacting business without having to think so much and feel so inept.
If you've been an expat before, maybe this process of adjustment is smoother, but for first time expats, there's a lot to get through. Give it time. Don't rush it, don't berate yourself on the days you don't like being an expat. They'll pass. You'll find your place in this unfamiliar corner of the world and probably come to love it.
Some expats want to live like natives and work toward full integration, but most expats that are here under an employment contract just want to be students of the culture: to travel, to learn, to see what they can see, and enjoy the ride while they're here.
My challenge to the latter group is to broaden your horizons. Most American expats here arrive as part of a corporate community or through a diplomatic or military assignment, and they immediately get pulled into an established expat social circle that revolves around that association. Those connections are wonderful; they offer support, camraderie, and a place to belong. They're invaluable in easing the discomfort of a move and making friends. However, if you're not careful, those connections can become the sum total of your expat experience. You can live your entire existence in a little American bubble.
Don't limit yourself. Dare to burst your bubble. The more people you encounter from other walks of life, the richer your experience will be. Look for ways to meet and interact with natives or other expats who aren't associated with your place of employment. You might join a church. Attend an expat event (see expatica.com). Volunteer with an organization. Join a club. Take a class. Host a party and invite all your neighbors whether you know them or not. Or better yet--start a blog--you meet the MOST interesting people that way.
August 21, 2007
Reader Comments (16)
I sometimes pity all those expats stuck for years in their UK/US, or whatever nationality bubble, somewhere in Brussels suburbia.
Someone ever visited SHAPE near Casteau-Mons
in Southern Belgium?
It's like a US village, "par accident" located in Belgium, but this country has no relevance whatsoever.
When those expats look back within a couple of years, their "Belgian" years revolved around their limited circle, along with imported food, imported tv, imported social contacts and imported work.
When Belgium has become a slightly inconvenient stop on the way back home, some expats might might reconsider how they're spending the best years of their lives.
I agree that a blanket challenge to all expats is difficult because situations vary so. We are up to the challenge of broadening our horizens and thank you for the good advice and empathy we find in your blog! (Been reading a while, just never get the time to comment!)
A small word of caution about the blogging... I wholeheartedly agree that blogging can lead to wonderful new relationships. However, it can also be too easy for a new expat to become reliant on the computer for relationships. It's easy to email friends & family from home, read the hometown newspaper online, and check blogs -- sitting at the computer all day -- while missing out on opportunities to actually interact one-on-one with the people in your own community. Finding the balance between comfortable and bubble bursting takes some practice, but is worth it!
I very much relate to your statement, "Even though this is an incredible experience, we still have to live our lives." That sums it up very nicely. How far you integrate into native culture and how you live depends on your family dynamic, your location, your future plans, the length of stay in a country.
My husband lived all over the world as a child--in Africa, Asia, and Europe. He went to international schools and French-speaking schools and Catholic schools in different countries. When he moved to the U.S. as a teen, his family experienced a near total breakdown. Despite all their broad cultural experiences and the fact that my husband's adopted father was American and the family had vacationed in America, they were completely unprepared for American life and culture. Adjusting to American academics at both the high school and college level was very difficult, and the social scene hard to navigate.
People ALWAYS say, "Kids can adapt to anything!" "They can pick up a second language in no time!" "Send them to the native schools, they'll figure it out as they go" and "Moving around will make them more resilient."
Maybe, maybe not. Depends on the child and the family. If you're planning on returning to your home country, I think it's wise to socialize your children in their native culture even while exposing them to other cultures.
I think it's very different being an American expat in the UK. Much easier to blend and integrate and be part of the community without a language barrier and with so many common cultural touchpoints. Maybe one day I'll get to try it out. : )
Also - remember to live for the moment. You will not walk this way again. You may not have another opportunity to ride public transportation, experience multiple new dairy products, buy inexpensive fresh flowers at the local market, etc., etc. Don't spend your time wishing for the life you had or the life you will get later. Live the life you have NOW!
:)
Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for such a thoughtful response to my request! I spend my evenings mulling over all of the questions you addressed - where to send my 5 and soon-to-be 4 year old children to school. How much to immerse them / give them comfort of an English speaking school with so much of the rest of their lives in upheaval...Where to live - do we "go Dutch" or French...We are in a unique situation in that we will be the company's first and only expats. We will not be in an area where social circles are already defined, nor will we be able to depend on the advice of others who have gone before us.
Your blog has provided me with a window into the world that I can currently only imagine as I sit in my cramped temporary apartment awaiting our next move. I appreciate your honestly, your realism, and most of all your willingness to bare it all and laugh about it! And when I fall flat on my face, I'll remind myself that these current glasses I'm sporting can be replaced with Versace eyewear...every cloud does have its silver (or purple) lining.
Keep it going on - Marcy
Just had to put in my 2ยข lest anyone think that we SHAPIANS are feasting on Starbucks and McDonalds while thumbing our noses at the Belgians:)
I recall many US (military) friends who were rather enclosed in their "US bubble" at that time.
I only wish I'd find a way to get back in touch with Ron C., who was stationed there for two years. After he relocated to a US base in Italy we lost touch. We had so much fun.
Ron was one of those Americans who found out that driving around Mons, Belgium with two opened bottles of Bacardi and 50 cans of Diet Coke in his car was perfectly legal in Belgium - and in those days DUI was hardly checked in Southern Belgium.
Apparently, times have changed for the better at SHAPE in Casteau;-)
When you arrive in Belgium, you can put me on your phone list and then call me with your problems and discover all I don't know about living in Belgium. Ha, Ha.
If you haven't already, go to Cindy Lane's blog. The link is on my Meet the Bloggers List. She hasn't updated it in ages but her adventures in Belgium are the BEST expat stories ever. Start at the beginning and get ready to laugh. Cindy is indomitable!
I just loved reading her never ending sitcom-like adventures over at newtobrussels.blogspot.com.
Last May, she all of a sudden stopped posting.
I wonder what happened.
I haven't seen Cindy since the Cinco de Mayo party. I'll check in with her. She has been working as a volunteer for a human rights organization in Brussels and loves it--gives her work the same level of attention one would give to a paid position. In the U.S., she worked as an attorney, here she's done a lot of work trying to get detainees out of Guantanamo. She also frequently travels back to the U.S., so she may be there for the summer.