Dark clouds rolling in
May 13, 2008 at 21:05 
Dark clouds roll over the Potomac River cliffs
The end was within sight. I was unpacking my last boxes, making my final trips to Goodwill, tucking stray items into closets and cabinets, hanging my artwork, and anticipating buying a loveseat for our bedroom and a lamp for the foyer.
I finally felt fully and happily in my house in Virginia, ready to move back into the mainstream of life, cultivate friendships, resume working.
And then the dark clouds rolled in.
We went camping last weekend and managed to miss the rain, but when it finally arrived Sunday afternoon, it came with a vengeance. FIVE inches of rain fell overnight.
Monday morning a trip to the storage room in the basement to grab a suitcase led to a horrifying discovery--wet carpet and walls and no sign the water had come in through the windows.
Hours later, with the carpet pulled back and paneling removed from the studs, we saw a big crack in our basement wall. My daughter's room was so wet we had to move her out of it.
A foundation and masonry repair expert arrived, looked at the damage and let us know we were looking at a repair job that would cost tens of thousands of dollars. A structural engineer is coming by tomorrow to give his assessment. Another specialist is due later this week.
Happiness at Chez V has been squashed and smothered.
These beautiful plants in my front yard, photographed last week? We'll lose them all when they excavate the wall down to the foundation.
The massive oak tree in this photo that I posted two weeks ago? It died as a result of last summer's drought. Its enormous branches, overhanging our roof, were a threat and so the tree was removed at a cost of nearly $2,000.
In the process of removing the tree, our front porch rail was smashed and broken:
And did I mention my heating and cooling system isn't working?
If we're forced to replace it, it will cost several thousand dollars.
Those of you who have been following my story in the last year know it has been full of ups and downs, that I've been bullied, that I've struggled to keep faith in the institutions I used to believe in, that my family structure has been rattled and shaken, that we endured a tremendous amount of stress during this move, and that I've had moments when I wondered just what would be left of my life when the dust settled and I was finally in Virginia.
Initially, it seemed to be a smooth transition, there were lots of joyous moments, and I was finally beginning to exhale.
But now, the house that I have lived in less than two months and love is draining our financial and emotional resources.
The dream that our toughest challenges were behind us has dissipated.
The fragile peace I was cobbling together is falling apart.
Somehow the jagged, muddy crack undermining our home is more than a little symbolic.
But today on the phone I joked with Peter in Antwerp that maybe I shouldn't have the crack repaired. Maybe I'll pretend I'm back in Belgium where the fractured stone walls are transformed into something beautiful by the hardy plants that tenaciously hang onto whatever they can, grow even when they seem to lack what they need to thrive, and bloom in spite of everything, among the stones.
Peter and I, we're looking at our broken homes and trying to see a garden. What else can we do?
May 13, 2008
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Reader Comments (23)
Did you have a home inspection? Any recourse there?
Sometimes when it rains, it pours, but the sun will eventually shine.
No chirpy words.
Just sending good thoughts.
Much love, Di xo
I'd need some Wallow Time. Then I'd suck it up, square my shoulders, and find my way. I suspect you'll do the same. I'll be hopeful for you as you find your way.
While I wished I could offer more, I did realize it were only words: there is substantial damage to your home, a disconcerting experience when starting to settle down after a long time overseas.
And like you pointed out:
"Peter and I, we're looking at our broken homes and trying to see a garden. What else can we do?"
Trying to see a garden -that's indeed all we can do Veronica. Take care.
I know I should appreciate that this is a problem that money can solve.
But this is a problem I paid an enormous amount of money to HAVE. It isn't an act of God or an illness or an accident or something beyond my control. We may have been deceived by people we trusted to tell the truth and by people we paid to look for exactly this sort of problem before we bought the house.
I can't begin to tell you how painful it is for me to try and be optimistic and positive knowing that being optimistic and positive and trusting of others is once again coming back and kicking my ass.
This is the SECOND event like this in the last four months. I didn't write about the first one. I can't. All I can say is that it didn't involve a twist of fate--it involved being screwed by an institution we trusted for more than 25 years.
We can't sell this house--we have to fix the problem.
It's not about eating more pasta and foregoing vacations. It may come down to selling one of our cars and trying to survive with just one. Spending money we'd saved for college and not being able to save for it any longer. Not being in a position to make a significant contribution to charities that have always counted on us. Pushing our tenants out of a house and putting them in a bad situation just so we can deal with our own.
The problem doesn't end with our bank accounts.
No, we're not going to go hungry.
No one has died.
What's at stake is my long standing belief in people, in processes, in the value of honesty and trust and hard work and accountability.
Losing that threatens my survival more than losing money.
I get the sense that you know what to do and are doing it--take one step in front of the other and keep breathing. This may not be an earthquake in China but it's a huge disappointment and setback and your plans will need to be rearranged to handle it. You gotta acknowledge the suckiness. It's not fair, you don't deserve it and that's life, but that part of life sucks.Ain't nothing wrong with a good old fashioned pity party every now and again.I'll come join you if there's Margaritas with little umbrellas in them:>)
-CFS