Vacations and the Art of Compromise
April 17, 2006 at 4:37 After visiting Canterbury in January and getting a taste of England, we decided to spend spring break in the U.K. We followed Brooke’s MIL’s advice and based ourselves in Bath. From there we traveled into the surrounding countryside and toured the Cotswolds. I'll do some travel writing this week, but first let me set the stage.
The initial day of vacation is always a bit difficult. Our expectations are high, we’re all a bit anxious, and it’s easy to be pulled in a dozen directions. Add to that the fact that E and I are now in close quarters with our children 24/7, sharing a bedroom, a bathroom, and every minute of our daily schedule, and it can be stressful. The first order of business on vacation is to accept we're all going to have to work to get along and accept a lot of compromise.
For example, E and I chafe against the kids’ obsession with food. They hound us constantly about eating, they're always "hungry," they quiz us about where and when we're going to eat, but are reluctant to try new foods. Choosing a restaurant is always a source of conflict. E-Grrrl wants pizza or macaroni and cheese, Mr. A will be begging for chicken fingers or hamburgers and French fries, and E and I want to try native cuisine. Whatever we choose, someone ends up sulky or disappointed. And E and I get more than a little annoyed when the kids who claim to be “starving” don’t eat their meals and a short time later are begging for us to stop at a bakery, ice cream stand, or frites shack for a snack. While it can make us crazy, the upside of E-Grrrl's and Mr. A's food fixation is that we can make them really happy by allowing them to eat Cocoa Puffs and Frosted Flakes for breakfast, order hot chocolate, and have fries every day.
Likewise, it’s a challenge to balance everyone’s vacation expectations. For the kids, vacations revolve around finding playgrounds, exploring new parks, visiting zoos or animal parks, and eating junk food. They like to watch cartoons and get up early. E and I like to read in bed, sleep until 7 a.m. or later, and take in the sights, but our stamina levels and interests are often quite different.
I’m not a good tourist. I hate crowds. I’m not a fan of the carefully packaged tourist experience. I don’t like to be “scheduled” on a vacation. Sure I’ll research an area and make a list of things that interest me, but I don’t feel bound by a list or a guidebook. For me everything depends on the weather, my mood, how much energy I have on any given day. Vacations for me are all about flexibility, about interacting with a place and not following a script, about relaxing and not feeling compelled to "see it all, do it all."
I’m not a particular fan of guided tours. I’m the one in the group who thinks there’s such a thing as too much information. I often don’t turn on the audio devices they hand out at the museum entry because I can’t stand to have someone talking in my ear. To me, it’s distracting. I prefer to get my information by reading or just looking. I like to experience things in my own way and at my own pace. Back pain limits how long I can stand on my feet, carry a camera, and trot around town. I need a lot of sleep. I have to ration my energy and my “healthy” moments.
E, on the other hand, has endless energy and boundless curiosity. He can stand in long queues, walk for miles, and carry a loaded backpack all day. His attitude is “As long as we’re here, why not see it?” For E, there’s no such thing as too many sights, much information, too much detail. He soaks it all up.
Family vacations then, are all about the art of compromise, about learning to strike a balance between everyone’s needs. The good news is that while the first day or two can be a bit bumpy, the longer we’re together, the better we get at respecting and accommodating each other.
Reader Comments (4)
I would never make it with your husband. I tire out too quickly to take in ALL the sites. When I am on vacation I like lots of "down" time. I like to do a little then take it easy.
Can't wait to hear about the rest of your trip and what all you did!
I'm looking forward to hearing more about it!
Living in Belgium, we feel compelled to see Europe while visiting doesn't involve jet lag! I hope the kids remember more than the Cocoa Puffs at the Holiday Inn.
Debbie--you're my kind of gal
Don't you know by now that meals don't count as food? Only snacks count as food. Fatty or sugary snacks.
Can't wait to hear about the rest of your trip.