Lipstick Saves

It's one of those days.

I rolled out of bed in baggy gray shorts and a stretched out t-shirt with sticky hair I should have washed before going to bed last night. I made a cup of tea, put sunscreen on the kids, sent them out with E to be dropped off at camp, and faced another day alone.

This should not be a big deal. This should be a good thing, even, because most of the time I am not intimidated by a quiet house or a big block of empty time, but today is different.   Maybe it's the date on the Female Calendar of Doom, maybe it's the homesickness I can't seem to shake, maybe it's just July, which for reasons I can't explain is the month (along with January) when I am most likely to require antidepressants, but today all the quiet and all the time was all too much.

I landed on the sofa while it was still early in the day and slept. And when I woke up, I rolled over and slept some more. I shouldn't be this tired. I should have gone for a walk. I should have tackled cleaning the bathrooms. I should have read my library book. I shouldn't have parked at the computer and blown off two hours. But that's exactly what I did.

And then I ate lunch. And then, because in my mental fog I'd forgotten to take my heart medication, my heart went out of rhythm for a while, I thought I might land back on the couch. But I didn't.

Early afternoon. I marched upstairs still in the clothes I'd slept in and vowed to wipe the depressed look off my face. A bit of Bobbi Brown pot rouge. A sweep of Cargo bronzer. A touch of peach lipstick. Neutrogena eye tint in honey. Cover Girl mascara for a woman who  never was and never will be a cover girl. A spritz of Lancome's So Magic, hoping it will indeed be So Magic--a Lancome Miracle.

Not quite, but at least now I have the will to put on real clothes. But not real nice clothes.

Face looks sunny. Mood still mostly cloudy.

Because Wordgirl wrote an eloquent post about the Gilmore Girls (which I'm too lazy to look up and link to), I had ordered the first season on DVD from Amazon.  It came in yesterday. I never watch TV during the day. I don't watch TV much at all. But seeing as I've lost my will to do anything else, watching TV seems like a great idea.

I  check out the first episode and I'm not sure what I think--I like the daughter but I think the mom needs to grow up. I wonder about this town where they live, which is so sitcom-esque. But this is a sitcom after all. What do I expect? It's the first season, first episodes, it will take a while for the show to find its rhythm.

Before I watch the second episode, I dig around in Grrl Wrrld for a bottle of nail polish. Haven't polished my nails in at least a year. I paint my nails. I watch the second episode of the Gilmore Girls. I hate Chad Michael Murray. I hate the way Loralei dresses. I wish I had her legs. I like Rory. The clock ticks more of the afternoon away. I think a lot about pizza. I wonder what I'll say to E when he says, "How was your day?" I wonder if I can talk him into going out for pizza.

I just realized my nail polish matches my lipgloss. I will pretend I care. I will pretend this makes me a really polished and together person. I will pretend I feel as good as I look. I will wish for a bumpersticker for the car I don't own that says "Lipstick Saves." Believe hard enough and it will.

Comments

[Cissy]

It's one of those days. I used lip-plumping lipstick this morning. I still feel...disconnected. Hope it gets better for both of us.

[wordgirl]

I felt a little out of sorts today, too. Even though I had a good time last night. What do you think is causing our ennui?

[Flubberwinkle]

Today, I'm playing hooky from work because I feel the need to pamper myself with a day you posted... Every once in a while I get in a similar slump and need to "just be"... no work, no kids, no housechores. Just breathe, lie around and use enough energy to search for telemarketing commercials on morning zone television...

[TB]

I hope you're feeling a little better today. I'm sorry you've got the July blues. Don't be so hard on yourself for napping though, sometimes we just need it.
Take care of yourself. I'm sending happy sunny Florida vibes your way.

[Lilian]

European Expat in US. I am trying to get my US friends to relax, and not feel so guilty about just being. They always do, do, do. They say they are feeling lively, to me it looks like anxiety. There is nothing as wonderful as just looking up into the sky. Specially at night, but most people are in their cars when out so the view to space is blocked.
To TB: "July blues" uhm! Yes! Nice!

[Nancy]

I have had the July blues lately too. I am thinking about a day like yours -- couch, TV, maybe a little bit of makeup pick-me-up -- but the laundry and a late-day social event beckon.

Hope you are having a better day today.

[Dan]

I say you were lucky that no one was home. Gave yourelf a chance to catch up on what you feel, and relax.