The end of the affair

My kids have been out of school since December 20, and without their schedule keeping me on the straight and narrow, my biorhythm easily re-set itself for late nights and late mornings. Sleeping for nine or more hours wrapped in a cocoon of flannel and fleece has been the perfect way to cope with the endlessly grey winter days we’ve been facing.

The last few nights I’ve been falling into a deep sleep and then waking in the middle of the night, listening to the wind whine and the bells on the village clock tower mark the hours. The black hole of sleeplessness sucks every anxiety up to my consciousness and sets them swirling in a vortex of worry. Tumbling through this morass of uncertainty, I eventually hit bottom just before dawn and slip back into sleep like someone who has succumbed to a poison dart.

Hours later, crinkled and creased like my pajamas, I get up, wash my face, wet down my wild hair, and ease into the day wrapped in a big fluffy robe and clutching a stout mug of English Breakfast tea. The kids know not to talk to me until I’ve been awake for an hour, and often I don’t get dressed until lunch time when I tackle household chores or slip off into the blogosphere. After dinner, I get a second wind, chugging through art projects, reading, or watching movies until close to midnight. Life’s been good, even with the occasional bouts of sleeplessness percolating in the background.

But tomorrow my day will start before the sun is up. If insomnia pays me a visit, there will be no reprieve. I may be tossing and turning right up until the moment the alarm drives me out of bed at 6:30 a.m. I’ll be faking a state of full consciousness as I make breakfast, pack lunches, and step out into the dark to walk the kids to the bus stop, gravity pulling at my limbs, my feet leaden. No it won't get better as the week progresses, it will only get worse. 

Sure it will be good to once again have time and space to myself, but tomorrow morning I’ll be anything but happy as sleep calls me back to bed like a persistent lover. Sorry babe, it's over. Oh the end of the affair! It was good while it lasted.

Copyright 2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle. All rights reserved. www.v-grrrl.com

January 7, 2007

Comments

[Neil]

Yeah, but think how much worse they feel about going back to school.

[Rory]

A bit of e, Neil. The kids might well be going back to school and hating it, but Mom feels the pinch as well, eh?

Those early mornings sound like quite a trial, V. And I don't envy you the unsettling lead-up, either.

Wishing you all the best for the new school term

[Rick]

I can't decide if bloggers are insomniacs by nature, if there's some age factor, or if we're all getting payback for actually <i>enjoying</i> all-nighters in our youth. But insomnia seems to be running rampant on my personal blogroll.

[Ash]

I have one extra day. Our school has a rebuilding project going on so we have tomorrow free. It doesn't mean that the after school activities are cancelled though so I get to run swimming club and ferry kids to football as usual. Ugh. At least I can still sleep in. I'm dreading the return to school actually - I find all the to-ing and fro-ing soooo hard. Good luck tomorrow.

[Ortizzle]

I hear ya, V-grrrl. I went through that this week with my return to school. Overslept two days in a row!! Maybe you can take consolation in the fact that there might be time for an afternoon kip?

[Granola-grrrl]

I am so with you on that... the kids went back last week, but only for Thursday and Friday. Kind of a lead-in for this full week coming up. I took full advantage this weekend, however, and got up at 9 yesterday and 9:45 today. 5:30 will come mighty early tomorrow. They have a 3-day weekend next week for MLK Jr. Day, so that'll be nice. Gives me something to look forward to, anyway. Good luck with your back-to-the-grind week. :)

[Di]

Since wrestling with this year's version of the flu, I've developed a disturbing habit of getting up, doing breakfast and then slinking back into bed and sleeping until 11.30-ish ...

It's winter ... surely it's simply winter.

Anyway, Belgian sunshine today AFTER being told we were to get rain all week ...

Hooray, opening the windows - well, opening now that I'm awake from my wee nap...

[Shirl Grrrl]

My sentiments exactally! I've been a lazy blob, sleeping in way too late, staying up late, letting household chores slide and Christmas decorations are still mostly up! I was looking forward to school starting again today, just to get me back on track but then I overslept this morning by 15 minutes! A little pill now helps me with insomnia, but it doesn't help when you've got to get up with an old dog twice in the night!