Learning to carry each other

Peter wrote a moving post on his site about caring for an elderly neighbor who was taken to the hospital this week when she fell and broke her shoulder and arm. She’s been in intensive care, and Peter has been caring for her cat, visiting her, following up on her medical issues, and trying to round up her family, who seem content to keep their distance and let a “stranger” tend to their mother.

His post raised the question: Who will be there for you on the day you go crashing to the floor?

It struck a nerve because on Sunday as I went through addresses and wrote out Christmas cards, I was overcome with tears over all the family members that I’ve lost or lost touch with. My dad was the oldest of eight children, but all his siblings are dead now. I’ve continued to send cards to the spouses they left behind, but I haven’t heard back from them in years. I have only one aunt remaining, on my mother’s side. My parents and one sister died when I was still in my 20s.

I have about 40 first cousins, but only have contact with a few of them, usually at Christmas. I’ve lost touch with some of my grown nieces and nephews over the last five years. I have more than a dozen great nieces and nephews, most of which I’ve never seen and who probably have no idea I exist. One of my sisters has only made contact with me once in the last three years—sending a Christmas card.

For years I worked hard to keep far flung family members in my orbit. I wrote letters, sent e-mails, made phone calls, mailed Christmas cards, shared photos, hosted reunions, and never forgot a birthday. It took a lot of energy, and sometimes I was hurt and disappointed when my efforts to maintain our ties failed. After I turned 40, I made a conscious decision to let go of my expectations and accept that some relationships were simply over or not going to be close ones. I resolved to put my energy into the relationships that were bearing fruit in my life and cherish the broad circle of friends that have become like family to me over the years. They are what my life is all about.

When Peter asked, “Who will be there for you on the day you go crashing to the floor?” I had to admit that I don’t know. I have a husband, I have children, but there are no guarantees that they’ll be there when I need them.

All I know for sure is this: When the people I love hit the ground, I plan to do everything in my power to help get them back on their feet,  or at least let them know that even when they can’t stand, they’re loved and not alone.

November 29, 2007

Comments

[Amber]

Aww, poor lady. That is sad.

Your post makes me think...and brings up a lot of feelings in me. It could make a post in itself. So.

I am sure your children will always be there for you, because you have been such a good mom to them! They are lucky kids.

oxox :)

[impy]

V, a co-worker who cares as I do, and I went today to this mans apartment to get some things he asked for. To say his living situation was heart-wrenching would be a gross understatement. We are both committed to righting that before he returns home. We then had some dinner, and went to see him. He was laughing, happy, thrilled with the chance to use a gym, get medical care, see a dentist (who laughed because this man has no teeth and said, "hey! easy visit, your teeth are at home!) He likes the food, the people, he told amusing stories of the other residents, he likes the cable and transformers video game, his roomies. We were so surprised at his happiness we nearly cried. He will get help from social services now. Sorry to use this space to spill my life's stories. This situation is new to me and to find understanding people here is a blessing.

[V-Grrrl]

I'm so glad you shared this story. While the world needs those who do Big Things in a Big Way for those in need, simple acts of kindness and respect to the people who cross our path make an immeasurable difference.

And girl, your life stories are always welcome in my comments section. Have some Reeses pieces. : )

[TB]

First of all, congratulations for getting your Christmas cards done so early. I know, I know, you have to in order to get them across the pond in time, but still, you rock.
Secondly, you are a wonderful woman with a heart of gold and I know that there are many, many people who will be there to help you when you are down.