Reflections on being an expat

It’s been two years since I boarded a plane in Washington, D.C., took off in the midst of a thunderstorm, and landed about seven hours later in Brussels on the first day of spring. Today I’m pondering what it means to be an expat.

The moment the plane’s wheels touched the tarmac at Zaventem, I became a member of the “third culture,” one that is neither fully here nor there. To be an expat is to be someone who makes a home in the space between where you’re from and where you are. It’s to live both inside and outside the world beyond your door.

Expats are both bold and careful. They go where they’ve never gone before, but they watch their steps. They observe quietly. They glance over their shoulders. They substitute smiles for words. They imitate and participate. They try to be good guests on their way to being good citizens. They are more than tourists but less than natives.

Like sci-fi space travelers, expats experience life in multiple dimensions at once, building bridges between familiar and unfamiliar customs, native and foreign terrain. It’s hard to feel fully yourself when the context for all your interactions has changed. This is why expats spend so much time exploring their inner geography. To live abroad, you have to be willing to rewrite your story, envision alternate plots and endings, and yet know what’s unchangeable in the shape of your character.

Expats are like hardy plants with shallow roots. Plucked from native soil and transplanted in new digs, expat lives are thoroughly topped and pruned in the relocation process. After the initial shock, we manage to grow back greener and fuller. Sure, we may occasionally wilt, but ultimately we thrive in all sorts of conditions. Expats are people who bloom where they are planted.

March 21, 2007

© 2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle. All rights reserved.

Comments

[Lux Lisbon]

I really like this. I've been doing the ex-pat thing for just over a year and I find it frustrating, fun, exciting and depressing on a daily basis. But I know it will end in a few years so I am enjoying it while it lasts.

[javacurls]

Great analogy! You're so right... we do bloom anywhere we're planted.

[bice]

Wonderful insights. It's always interesting to see the world through different eyes.

[Amber]

I think you would bloom wherever you were, V. Have you decided what to do yet? Will you stay or will you go?

...Maybe I am an expat in my soul.

:)

[V-Grrrl]

Amber,

Right now the plan is to move back to the U.S. in summer 2008. I go home to visit for the first time in July.

[Tera]

Thanks for this post. I just returned from a weekend in the US to receive news of a death in the family. I wanted to return immediately, but I just can't. This reminded me that going through these trials will only make me stronger. Thanks, V.

[mamatulip]

I am not a traveler. Big trips and vacations just aren't my thing. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that when my mother was alive, I was always too afraid to go anywhere for fear something happened to her while I was gone.

And that's why I really enjoy your perspective on being an expat. I love reading about your time away from 'home', because it's like I'm vicariously traveling through you.

[furiousBall]

I moved back to where I grew up 3 years ago, does that make me a repat?

[V-Grrrl]

furiousBall,

You've GOT to post on that. I'd love to hear about what that change has meant to you.

I'm a little nervous about moving back--I know it won't be the same and I'm wondering how I'll process the whole experience.

[Inside Out]

I am an Air Force brat and thus moved on the average of every two years growing up. I was with my Dad for two tours in Germany and a tour with the US Emabasy in Teheran Iran from 1977 until the overthrow in 1979. We were actually on the second to the last plane the got out before the rebels took the airport. My point is you are right. You can make a home anywhere you are, but it takes a special person to have the courage to do it. If you mention the word move to my wife you can just see the panic come over her. I would hate to see what happened if I mentioned a job overseas. Very good post as usual V-grrrl. I/O

ps. my last post is a little on the R rated side for language. I had a pretty rough day and vented on my blog.

[V-Grrrl]

Inside Out,

When my husband was a kid, he was evacuated out of Algeria during the Seven Day War. A crowd was gathering outside of his parents' house pelting it with rocks. The State Department sent a car and got them out of there. Everyone was instructed not to say a word and his mother's flawless French got them through the airport and on a plane. All they had with them was what they could stuff in a suitcase.

I'm glad my expat experiences haven't been THAT exciting because really, I'm NOT adventurous. There are lots of places I'd never go.

[wordgirl]

I think it takes a lot of guts to live abroad. A willingness, as you say, to bloom where you are planted. I wonder if I could do it.

[Ortizzle]

Yes, indeed. You bloom where you are planted. I learned that as a military brat. After a couple of years in Spain, I felt like I had a road map for going anywhere. Twenty-three years later, as an ex-pat re-patriating, I found that I was almost too root-bound to be replanted. I had the skill, but had to work on the will. I still feel far more Spanish than American, but I went into my ex-pat experience fresh out of college, and looking for a new identity, so I adapted rather too well. The struggle for me is still going on even after 8 years back here. And if my husband were not hispanic, and I were not teaching Spanish, I wonder if I would still be over here. But that's just my story, and it's really not typical of most ex-pats. Most ex-pats are hybrids with an equal balance of both cultures after a while. You seem to have a good grip on both sides of the coin. :-)

[simon]

Very nicely put. I've read many analyses of the expat feeling, but this is the best.
Regarding being a "repat", apparently it's a lot more difficult than people expect, and there are many books and courses available to help people deal with it. The main problem is that your "home" has changed since you've been away, and you've changed and grown in different directions too. Some find it more of a problem than leaving home in the first place.