Back in the sunshine state

I‘ve been traveling to northern Florida once a year for all of my adult life. E’s parents settled in Gainesville shortly before I met him, and now his mother lives with his sister’s family in Jacksonville.

The interstate is a flat ribbon winding through scrubby trees and pines under a sky whitened by the summer heat. Billboards promise fast food meals, cheap hotels, golf, outlet malls, and discount tickets to Disney.

The miles slide by in sameness. Our knees complain at each stop, stiff and aching. The inside of the van is littered with books and water bottles. We cross into the Sunshine State under cloudy skies. E knows the way to his sister’s house in Jacksonville by heart.

This is the first time the kids and I have seen E’s mom since we moved to Belgium two and a half years ago. I’m a bit anxious about what her condition will be. She has rheumatoid arthritis, Parkinson’s disease, a form of dementia, and assorted other health issues. For months, the kids have been talking about how much they’re looking forward to seeing their grandma.

E was here in February, and his mom had back surgery. After the surgery, she was in a rehab facility for a few weeks. Now she’s back at E’s sister’s home and has full time nursing care.

When we see her, I’m pleasantly surprised at how well she’s doing. She recognizes the children, who have grown so much, and engages us all in conversation. They park in chairs next to hers and tell her about Petey our cat and the trips we’ve made in Europe. Later, E’s sister and her husband arrive home from a swim meet. They have four boys and the kids pick up where they left off.

E’s sister is my age and we’ve always gotten along well, Her husband B and I share an offbeat sense of humor. Around a crowded dinner table that night, the kids are animated and excited, the adults drinking margaritas, and E’s mom taking in the whole scene. E’s dad died six years ago, and I think how much he would have enjoyed seeing all of us together.

Later that evening as I’m kissing my mother-in-law goodnight, she says, “Veronica, it was so good to hear your laughter tonight.” And in that moment I realize what a gift that is to give, the gift of laughter.

July 23, 2007

Comments

[Lynn]

I can't tell you how glad I am to hear that his mom was able to participate in this visit!!! It makes me feel so good to know that the kids could talk to her and share their new life. It really is a gift to share laughter and love.

[littlepurplecow]

Laughter moving freely within a family setting is such a special blessing. I'm so glad you have this time. Wishing you the best.

[mamatulip]

So glad that you were able to have this moment with her, and share laughter together. It really soothes the heart, and the soul.

[Elisabeth]

You are so lucky that there is so much reciprocal love between you and your mother-and-law. That is very rare, indeed. My mother-in-law was just the ugly stereotype - a nasty bitch who hated my guts.

[AP in UK]

There is a Pablo Neruda poem that begins, "Take bread away from me, if you wish, take air away, but do not take from me your laughter." So much has been taken from your mother-in-law; how lovely that she can still enjoy your laughter. Enjoy this special time together.

[Peter]

While I only met you once Veronica, last June in that 1930's movie theater here in Antwerp (Belgium) along with Di, your sense of humor immediately struck me.

Reading your blog, I can almost hear your laughter. Enjoy your stay.

[Ortizzle]

Laughter really is the best medicine. :-)

[Expat-CIT]

To "pick up where you left off", to feel the warmth and comfort of closeness as the distance fades away to memory - that's what love can do!

[Tera]

Laugh til you cry. What a beautiful world this is.

[Flubberwinkle]

Laughter is a mighty fine remedy.

[TB]

I'm so happy that the visit went well. My grandmother suffers from dementia and she's pretty far gone. As an adult it's tough to take, I can't imagine how difficult it would be for children A and E's ages.
Man, you guys have been having quite a trip!