Compost Studios

I am a writer, nature lover, budding artist, photography enthusiast, and creative spirit reducing, reusing, and recycling midlife experiences through narrative, art, photos, and poetry. 

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Veronica McCabe Deschambault, V-Grrrl in the Middle, Compost StudiosTM

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Entries in Sacred places (34)

Thursday
Aug312006

It makes me wonder

Yesterday while I was on my daily walk, I ruminated over how my faith has changed over the years, and I wondered whether I was going forward or going backward in my spiritual journey. I was pondering those questions when I met a man who was walking his dog along a dirt lane.

People in Europe are quite reserved and not prone to greeting passersby or engaging in any kind of casual chit-chat with a stranger. However, this person not only spoke to me but greeted me warmly in English, commenting on the beautiful morning.

I was surprised, almost shocked, not only by his friendliness but that he knew my language.

When I responded in English, he asked if I was English, and I explained, no, I was an American. He noted that I didn’t have much of an American accent.

When he said that, I couldn’t help quoting a comment that my English friend Bernie had made at a party a few weeks ago. He’d said, “I don’t speak with an English accent, I simply speak English. You, however, speak English with an American accent.”

I shared the comment because I thought it was clever and funny, though David, the man on the lane, responded in a serious way, saying something to the effect that no matter where we’re from, we have more in common than we think, that every person deserves to be treated with dignity. (Hear that Bernie! I think that applies to grasshoppers and cake eaters too. Ahem. Everyone else,  don't mind the inside joke)

Anyway, while assuring me he wasn’t a “Bible Thumper,” David recommended a book to me called Conversations with God. He said it had made an enormous impression on him, and that it was a spiritual book rather than a strictly Christian one. He even told me where I could buy it locally.

I don’t believe in coincidences.

I think it’s beyond remarkable I met a friendly, English-speaking person on quiet dirt road who recommended a book called Conversations with God just at the moment I was launching my own conversation with God on the meaning of life and religion.

The book is written by a man, who in a fit of anger and frustration, dared to ask God the hard questions, scrawling them on a legal pad, and then was shocked when he felt God was actually answering them, sending him messages to record below his questions.

Let me tell you—this kind of thinking is not my thing. The first word that comes to mind when I hear about people like this is "fruitcake."

 And yet.

 And yet.

I don’t believe in coincidences.

Can I put aside my distaste for spiritual self-help books and check this one out?

Can I remain open to the idea that perhaps I’m meant to read it, whether I like it at first or not?

Can I put aside my skepticism and cynicism long enough to accept I can still learn something from someone who may be a fruitcake or an opportunist?

I’ll let you know.

August 31, 2006

Tuesday
Aug082006

There's something about Mary

Recently in a church gift shop here in Belgium, I purchased a Madonna statue, an act that caused E’s eyes to pop as he secretly wondered if the woman he’s been married to for nearly 25 years had been abducted by aliens and replaced by a bad imitation. His face was full of unease and questions as the clerk rang up the $50 purchase. I knew he was wondering exactly what was going on with Mary, but I wasn’t ready to discuss it right then.

E was perplexed because he knows I started mentally leaving the Catholic faith when I was about 14, that I stopped attending mass when I left home at 18, and that I experimented with various Protestant churches before becoming an Episcopalian when I was 21. There were many, many reasons the Catholic church didn’t work for me spiritually or intellectually, and E knows that one of the points of disconnection between me and the church involved Mary. Despite being sent to Catholic schools and being raised by parents who required us to say the rosary REGULARLY, I simply did not *get* the whole concept of marian devotion. When I became a Protestant, I left all that behind and never looked back--until 11 years ago when I gave birth to my son.

With a son in my arms, it seemed natural to revisit Mary. All through my childhood Mary had been placed on a pedestal for being submissive and obedient, meek and mild. Not my kind of Grrrl. The plaster figure I received of her on my First Communion showed a flawless pale woman dressed in a white dress covered with a blue cloak, her long blond hair demurely peeking out from under a veil, her head slightly bowed, her eyes downcast, her face composed. When I was a kid, I associated this image with the prissy teacher’s pet that I guiltily wished would fall in a mud puddle at recess. She was untouchable, too good to be true. When I grew into a teenage feminist, I questioned her sweet façade and passivity and convinced myself the church was using her to keep women toeing the Vatican line.

But as a new mom, I imagined a different side of Mary. Not Mary the goody-goody yes-girl but Mary the Radical Chick. This Mary dared to reject the status quo and accept a pregnancy and a task that NO ONE would understand. This Mary was told that her heart would be broken by the events she’d witness in her lifetime and yet she effectively said “bring it on.” This Mary, who could have been stoned or shunned for conceiving out of wedlock, was willing to take risks. This Mary, a fresh-faced virgin stuck in a patriarchal society dared to believe God might have big plans for a small-town girl like her.

As the first Christmas approached after my son’s birth and I struggled with exhaustion and post-partum depression, the nativity story took on a whole new meaning. With pregnancy, labor and delivery still fresh in my memory, I related to Mary in yet another way. I saw her vulnerability and her strength. I thought of Mary being forced to leave her family and all that was familiar behind just as she reached the critical point in her pregnancy. Her life and the life of her baby might be at stake on the long trek to Bethlehem, but she summoned whatever resources she had and moved forward balancing her fears with her faith.

What was she thinking as she left Nazareth? How did she feel traveling all those long dusty miles toward Bethlehem, realizing that her baby was going to be born soon and her mother and the village midwife wouldn’t be there to hold her hand and get her through it? Did she feel lost? Did she trust Joseph to care for her? Did she think God had forgotten her? Did she wonder if this turn of events was a mistake? Did she curse Caesar Augustus, the census takers, and stupid politicians of her day as her heavy body ached on the way to David’s City for the sake of TAXES? I wonder.

I often think God sent the Holy Star and the glorious heavenly host into the sky above the stable just for Mary—to let her know that despite appearances to the contrary, she was indeed in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. She was not forgotten. She was not alone. She hadn’t misunderstood. This was indeed something big.

Of course that perfect moment of joy and epiphany didn’t last. After the trip to Bethlehem and stable birth, life didn’t get easier for her. Mary didn’t get to carry her firstborn son back to her hometown and show him off. No, instead she fled to Egypt in terror for her child’s life, leaving Herod’s bloodshed and the slaughter of innocents in her wake.

Poor Mary, she became an expat, a stranger in a strange lane, even as she was navigating the strangest land of all— motherhood.

So when I spotted the wooden carving of Mary in the church gift shop in Brussels, I knew I’d finally found an artistic interpretation of her that made sense to me—one that showed her strength and humanity. Her face is vaguely Middle Eastern, and she is earthy with her rounded belly and the year-old baby Jesus perched realistically on one hip. She holds a dove in one hand, and Jesus is reaching to pet it with his chubby hands. That symbol of baby Jesus reaching for peace and Mary holding it in her hand was irresistible to me.

She isn’t smiling, she looks pensive, almost sad. Is it because even as she is caught in the innocence of the moment she senses what’s ahead? She will one day sit in the shameful shadow of a cross and watch her son die in agony, unjustly accused and executed. The angel had warned her that a sword would pierce her heart.

Unlike the many people that abandoned and denied Jesus in his final hours, Mary did not hide.  She perched at the foot of the cross and did what mothers throughout time have done—offered comfort and unconditional love. Was she angry? Did she wonder where she’d gone wrong? Did her faith sustain her in that darkest moment? Did she know this wasn’t the end of the story?

These are the questions I occasionally ponder as I navigate parenting, womanhood, and faith. Catholic theology aside, one thing I know for sure, when the angel said  “Hail Mary, full of grace,” he said  it all.

© 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

August 8, 2006

Wednesday
Apr192006

Sacred Places

Our second day in Bath, the weather was nicer. E finally got to do his walking tour (while the kids and I explored on our own), and then after lunch we headed off by car to see one of the world’s most recognized wonders.

Stonehenge rises up out of the broad face of the Salisbury plain, its lichen-covered stones in the midst of a sheep pasture. The sun is bright but the wind sweeps the sky and threatens to blow us away as our scarves flap and our hair whips around our eyes. The spring chill barrels through our jackets, and Stonehenge sits unmoved and unmovable as it as has for at least 4,000 years.

The monolithic stone circle we see on this sight isn’t the first monument that was built here. Archeologists say there were others before it, dating back 5,000 years. The windswept plain spreading for miles under endless sky was once wooded, and perhaps Stonehenge was surrounded by forests.

The stones that tower above the ground were quarried in Marlborough Downs which is 19 miles away, and the bluestones below came from the mystical Preseli Mountains in Wales, 240 miles away. Exactly how the stone was transported is unknown. Why bluestone was chosen is also unknown. How the builders erected single slabs of stone that weigh more than 40 tons each is a secret buried with the builders. The lintels that crown the stone slabs aren’t just set on top, but are fitted using joint and tenon construction. Each pillar is positioned with precision and special stones mark the position of the sun at the various equinoxes of the year. There is an altar in the center and a tall stone that acts like the spike on a sundial.  There are round burial mounds within sight of the circle.

Its exact origins and purpose remain a mystery, but it’s clear this spot has been tended as a sacred place since 3050 B.C. Like the hot spring in Bath, which has been the site of pagan, Roman, and Christian places of worship, Stonehenge represents human effort to get in touch with the Divine, to connect with something greater than a visible reality, to make sense of both the order and the chaos of the natural world.

In Bath, there is a beautiful Abbey, built in the 15th century on a site that first had a Christian church that was built by the Saxons in the ninth century and later a Norman cathedral. The Abbey was site of the coronation of the very first king of England, Edgar. On Good Friday, we visited Wells Cathedral, the oldest surviving English Gothic Church, dating to the 12th century. When we toured the Cotswolds on Thursday, we visited several stone churches, built by the Saxons and the Normans, each one intertwined so intimately with English history and politics. In the dim light of one ancient church, I placed my hand on the cold stone of a baptismal font that dated back to the 13th century. It is still in use today, tying together generation after generation of Christians in this place.

It was amazing to visit these sacred places that have served believers of various religions and origins for thousands of year. How fitting to be there during Holy Week, the week Christians commemorate Jesus’ final days, his death and his resurrection.

My parents had me baptized and set me on my own spiritual path as an infant, and I’ve followed it first as a child and now as an adult. At times I’ve done so with confidence and “blessed assurance.” Other times I’ve plodded along, uncertain exactly where I was going or what my beliefs meant, but committed to accepting my doubts and questions as an important part of my journey.

I’ve seen how religion divides and unites, how it is a vehicle of love and can be hijacked for hate, how it creates clarity and confusion, peace and distress. Even as I embrace Christianity, my faith expands to consider the mystery of the Divine, the relationship mankind has sought with God from the days before recorded history, the truth we still seek to this day.

While rigid, dogmatic interpretations of Christianity grab the headlines and try to explain every aspect of life in detail, I confess I like the mystery of faith. I don’t grip my faith in my fist. Instead I like to hold my beliefs loosely in my hand and consider all I don’t know and understand. I like to ponder what has come before me and all that coexists with my faith and wonder how each of us has arrived at our place as Seekers, as Believers.

Sometimes I envision all of us as holding pieces to a puzzle, each piece a perfect but incomplete glimpse of the Divine. Some believers have many pieces, some have just a few. We gather them all our lives, we inherit them, we share them with others. Maybe on the last day we’ll bring what we have forward and see how they all fit together, all reflect something so much bigger than we ever imagined. We’ll see the Big Picture, see the Divine, appreciate our gifts, and recognize the sacred in every face, every faith, every place.

© Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

Sunday
Mar052006

Spring Cleaning

Back home in Virginia, as soon as it was warm enough, which was usually in early March, E and I would throw open the windows and spring clean as a team. I’d start with the kitchen and clean every appliance, everything that sat out on the counters, and the decorative plates above the cabinets. The cabinets themselves would be cleaned and then polished, the contents culled and rearranged.

Throughout the house, I‘d clean all the switch plates, doors, and grimy spots on the walls. I’d tote a toothbrush with me to get into dust packed crannies. E and I would take down all the glass covers from the light fixtures and run them through the dishwasher. E would steam clean the carpets and wash the windows, and I would dust the baseboards and wash curtains.

Soon the whole house would sparkle and brighten as the Southern sun streamed through the windows and those sweet spring breezes lifted the curtains off the sills. In the fall, we’d repeat the whole process again right before the holidays so that the house would be clean and cozy for the long nights ahead.

This week, despite our decidedly wintry weather, the spring cleaning bug bit me right on schedule, and once again I began the ritual of examining what we have, tossing what we don’t need, donating the excess to others, and then cleaning what’s left.

Today I had a moment of epiphany when I recognized that our twice-a-year deep-cleaning routines always coincide with the start of the Episcopal church’s penitential seasons, Lent in the spring and Advent in the winter. Penitential seasons last a few weeks and are times for self-examination and renewed commitment and discipline. In short, it’s a bit like spring cleaning for the soul—a time to discard what’s useless, sweep out the dust, and polish what remains so God’s light can shine in as well as reflect out.

One of the things that amazes me when we thoroughly clean the house is discovering how much junk and grime we live with and don’t even notice. The layer of dust on the electronics, the smudges on the toaster and kettle, the gunk in the microwave, the dust and hairballs under the furniture, the cobwebs dangling in the corners, the way the white curtains have gradually grayed—it’s all in the background until we commit to seeing things for what they are and changing them.

Our hearts are the same way. It isn’t until we break from our usual habits and pause and examine our lives that we see what needs to be done to bring out our best. So go ahead and do a little cleaning, inside and out. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.

© 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

March 5, 2006

Friday
Mar032006

The best things in life aren't things at all...

Teebs at Soul Gardening got me thinking again about consumerism with her entry on the spending habits of the jet set. It’s easy to roll our eyes over the absurdity of someone paying $1,000 for a dessert or $1,300 for an espresso maker, but consumerism permeates every aspect of American life and culture. Our economy and lifestyle are driven by the energy of shopping and owning things.

These days I try to evaluate my motivations when I consider buying anything. I don’t want to buy things because I’m bored. I don’t want to get something to impress someone else. I don’t want to buy anything I’m not absolutely certain I’ll wear/use/value, preferably for several years. I don’t want to get things I don’t have room to store. I don’t want to be a mindless collector, nor do I want to deny that some things that aren’t “practical” are still worth having.

The bottom line is that I want to be surrounded by things I delight in, that satisfy me, that I’m grateful for, that appeal to my sense of comfort, beauty, art, usefulness. But above and beyond all that, I never want to forget that the best things in life aren’t things at all.

My former priest, Debby, used to close each service with a prayer that included a line requesting God to bless “all those we love and those we will come to love, now and forever.”

Debby always delivered that prayer in a loud voice with enthusiasm and joy, and I would carry that with me as I exited through the church and stepped out into life. How uplifting it is to dwell not just on those we love, but those we will come to love--those we have yet to meet as well as those we have failed to appreciate.

Those were the perfect words to end one week and start the next. They reveal a world of wonder and possibility that doesn’t depend on what we earn or what we own but on who we choose to be and those we’re blessed to love.

So, Happy Weekend--and may God bless all those you love and those you will come to love, now and forever. AMEN! Fun pushing.

© 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

Thursday
Mar022006

What's a Grrrl Like Me Doing in a Place Like This?

Let’s get a few things straight upfront. I could describe myself as a person who seeks out new places and experiences, who craves change, who loves to travel and experience new foods and foreign cultures, who is spontaneous, adventurous, and the first to jump in and try something new. And ALL of that would be a big, fat lie.

The truth is far less interesting. I’m an average American, white-bread, suburban mother of two, married to a conservative, traditional guy. We’re the law-abiding, church-attending, community volunteer, salt-of-the-earth types. We even have boring hobbies. Our life is not the stuff of sitcoms. We’re not the interesting people at the party. We’re not the subject of gossip or people in the know. Go ahead and yawn if you want to, but this is our reality.

Now let’s flashback to July 2004.

I was in the middle of a typical summer with my kids. There were camps, play dates, swim lessons, library programs, days at the pool and trips to the beach on the calendar. I was working part-time from home as a PR consultant and writer, a job I’d held for 10 years. My husband E was commuting to the Washington, D.C. area to his government office. Sitting at my desk in the heat of the day, I received an e-mail from E.

“What do you think of three years in Brussels?” A job announcement was attached.

Without hesitation, I responded immediately. “Sounds pretty cool! Let’s talk when you get home.”

E was shocked. This was not the reply he expected from me. We’d been rooted in our community for 15 years and had never seiously discussed living anywhere else, let alone moving overseas.

But I’m a spiritual person and from that first moment the topic was broached, moving across the world to Brussels inexplicably struck me as the right thing to do. When E tells this story, he emphasizes my response to his initial query, implying I’m the reason we’re here. But hey, he’s the one that sent the message and posed the question—and that certainly wasn’t an accident. We were in this together from Day 1.

With very few details in hand about the job or our prospective circumstances, E worked late into the night on an extensive and complicated job application and sent it off. Then the waiting began.

In America, the hiring process from start to finish often takes just a matter of weeks. We had no idea what to expect with the Brussels job, but we thought we would hear something in September.

We heard nothing. We learned through the grapevine that the list of applicants for the job was several pages long, and yet we still felt sure it was going to come through, we just didn’t know when. Our certainty was not born out of arrogance but out of a sense of destiny. Still, life felt suspended and small and large decisions were postponed.

Finally in early November, E flew to Brussels for an interview and we celebrated the holidays wondering what our future would be. A few days after Christmas, a letter arrived by courier announcing he had been chosen by the interview panel but final approval of the panel’s selection was still pending. Then in February, the formal announcement and job offer arrived—on E’s birthday.

This further confirmed our sense of being called to Belgium. E had been born a Belgian citizen in the Belgian Congo in 1957. His father had died in a plane crash in the unrest that followed the Congolese revolution, and when he was about six, his mom had married an American State Department employee she met in Africa. E lived in various countries in Africa and Europe before moving to the U.S. as a teenager. Receiving the job offer on his birthday was a sign he had come full circle.

From that point on, it seemed everything fell into place, but that’s not to say things were easy. We were overwhelmed with paperwork and tasks to complete on two continents, trying to anticipate everything we needed to do before we left on March 20. And if I occasionally succumbed to insomnia or crying jags, I felt God was in the details during these hectic weeks—providing a friend to rent our house who needed it as much as we needed a trustworthy tenant, putting E’s classic car into the hands of a teen who had also lost his dad in a plane crash, settling our silky terrier in with a new widow who needed his company, finding a buyer for our truck days before we were scheduled to fly out.

And Providence proved itself up until the last minute.

The house was empty, our belongings on their way. We were staying in a hotel, and E had to drop our remaining car off in Baltimore, Maryland, to be shipped to Belgium. On his way up Interstate 95, he was annoyed because he realized he didn’t have the screwdrivers he would need to remove the license plates from the car before it was taken away. He had to stop in his office in Alexandria, Virginia, on his way north and catch a train home from Baltimore. On a tight schedule, he didn’t have time to find a store and buy screwdrivers.

As he was handling paperwork in his old office building, the woman who was now occupying his former cubicle came up to him with a bag.

“E, I found this stuff in the back of one of your desk drawers and wanted to give it to you,” she said.

E opened the bag and his eyes opened wide in disbelief. The sack contained two screwdrivers—one with a straight end, one shaped like a cross. Two screwdrivers he’d found on a desolate roadside years before and shoved into a drawer and forgotten about but reappeared at just the right moment. These were the final evidence we were being equipped for whatever Belgium would bring.

We left Dulles Airport two days later in a spring thunderstorm. For months we’d been monitoring Belgium’s weather, and it seemed each time we’d log on to the computer we’d see a solid row of gray cloud icons and forecasts for rain. We told ourselves that if the sun was shining when we arrived, it would be a good sign. As our plane touched down on the runway on the first day of spring, the sun was glinting off the red tile roofs and bright green fields surrounding the airport.

(Coming next Thursday—Trials and Tribulations. The first two weeks)

© 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

Tuesday
Feb212006

The Birth of a Zen Mom

When I had babies in Virginia, the nursery was located on the second floor of our Cape Cod home, tucked under the eaves with an angled-dormer that looked out on the woods across the street and a double window that caught glimpses of tree tops and blue sky.

I’d sit exhausted and unkempt in the glider rocker, feeding or comforting the tiny bundle in my arms. I still remember the moist snuffling and warm breath on my neck, the impossibly silky feel of the baby’s head under my chin, the way my right hand could perfectly support the diapered bottom and my left hand hold a flannel blanket over the baby’s back.

As a new mom, I was always tired, often frazzled, and wondering if I was up to the task at hand, but in that chair I had those quiet, perfect moments that got me through all the rest.

With the whole world reminding me to “hold them close, they grow so fast,” I became nostalgic with each milestone. As my son became less and less interested in nursing, I knew I was no longer the center of his world. And the first time my baby girl took off on all fours up the stairs, she looked both scared and determined. It was all I could do not to sweep her back into the safety of my arms. Instead I watched her navigate the steps one by one, anxiety all over her face. When she got to the top, she turned around and delivered the biggest and most triumphant smile. She’d done it! She’d overcome her fears, left mom behind, and hit a whole new level! All that that meant wasn’t lost on me.

Early on, I definitely felt twinges of sadness as I saw my babies morph into toddlers and then enter preschool. While I sometimes felt smothered by their demands, I cried when I took my oldest to kindergarten, launching him into a larger world that didn’t include me. While their milestones and growth were easy to see and track, my personal growth was hidden and more subtle. The heat and pressure of parenting re-shaped my inner landscape over time, refined all my raw materials, created something new.

What a surprise to surface in my 40s and realize that we were really all growing up together. I was teaching them and they were teaching me. They were changing, developing, and maturing and so was I. The process wasn’t always smooth or comfortable or calm and linear. There was lots of crying involved (theirs and mine). Sometimes we slid backwards before we took a leap forward. It could be more than a little confusing and frustrating.

But once I realized we were all works in progress, I wasn’t inclined to look back. I stopped fearing the end of one phase and the beginning of another. I realized that while babies and toddlers could be fabulously cuddly and cute, preschoolers brought enthusiasm and excitement to the most mundane tasks, and elementary school kids are often wise beyond their years. I know we’ll take our lumps in adolescence and menopause will rattle our world, but as circumstances loosen my ties to my children, I’m learning to trust them, trust myself, and trust God to help us all grow into the people we’re intended to be--moment by moment.

© 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

February 21, 2006

Wednesday
Feb082006

Reflections on the Lure of All that Glitters

My friend Vicky is remarkably low maintenance. When she came to Europe for a three-week visit last summer, she and her husband each carried a large backpack with all that they’d need so they’d have no luggage to check.

I was impressed. Every time I think I’m embracing simple living I realize how little I really know about simple living. I told Vicky I wouldn’t even consider using a piece of luggage without wheels, let alone something I’d have to carry on my back. I’m just not that kind of Grrrl.

I was thinking about Vicky today because she doesn’t wear a wedding ring. Yes, she has an engagement ring and wedding band, but she no longer wears them or any rings for that matter. She just doesn’t like jewelry.

In the last few years, I’ve often left my own modest diamond engagement and wedding rings behind and substituted a silver ring or a Native American band that E-Man gave me in its place. Those rings don’t snag on things while I’m cleaning, handling laundry, wearing gloves, searching for a coin in my jeans’ pockets, or running my fingers through my hair. Here in Belgium, married women generally wear a simple band on their right hands, so leaving my diamond behind seemed even less of an issue.

But recently I was at a gathering with a large group of American women and was struck by the unbelievable number of stunning diamond rings among them. Diamonds so large and flashy, they looked more like headlights than rings. Diamonds that dominated petite fingers and demanded to be noticed and admired. Diamonds swathed in gold and framed with even more diamonds. And hey, I admit it, I was impressed.

Suddenly my silver claddagh ring from the Museum of Modern Art felt less artistic and personal and more, well, small and plain. Was its plainness a symbol of confidence, practicality, and simple living--or something else altogether? Why doesn’t my original yellow-gold wedding set with the round diamond in a Tiffany setting and a design of vines and flowers on the band appeal to me much anymore?

I remember picking it out 25 years ago and in a moment of prescience, confiding to a friend that it was hard to choose a ring knowing it would be a choice you’d live with every day for the rest of your life!

Choosing my husband was easier.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, there are ads everywhere for diamond rings. I find myself lingering over the newspaper inserts, clicking on online ads, and admiring the chunky white gold settings with the square-shaped princess-cut stones. Hmmm, wouldn’t it be nice to plant a three-stone ring on my left hand or a modern design on my right hand and make a new statement?

And then I consider the prices and wonder how I could ever justify the purchase of a piece of jewelry worth thousands of dollars.

Then I remind myself what we’ve spent on computer equipment in the past, and how a diamond is forever and will be passed on to my daughter and maybe even a grandchild. The computers, however, will end up in a recycling bin sooner rather than later.

But I couldn’t live without the computer.

Clearly I can live without diamond rings.

Time for a new approach to my dilemma.

Ah yes, here’s one. We sold our extra cars when we moved and the one car we do have, we bought used from E’s mother. We have a 24-inch ancient TV—a hand-me down! We don’t have cable or TiVO or any of that! I don’t own an iPod, a Blackberry, a video camera, or even a real stereo system. So what’s the big deal about coveting a new ring?

Here’s the big deal: I read a daily devotional book, and the day’s entry is about being responsible stewards of all that God has given us. Aaargh! I don’t want spiritual TRUTH, not after I’ve carefully constructed a pile of fabulous rationalizations!

I immediately pull a blanket of guilt over my head for even entertaining the idea of buying a new ring. I wish I had sackcloth and ashes to finish humbling myself.

But then I peek out again, seduced by the thought of a sparkling new diamond winking at me from my own hand. Why do I feel so conflicted for admiring something that's undeniably beautiful.  Hey, I’m not being greedy, pretentious, or wasteful.

Or am I?

February 8, 2006

Sunday
Dec252005

Going Home for Christmas

My brother Tom and his wife Darcy sent me a coffee table book for Christmas, a photographic journey through Rockbridge County, Virginia, produced by two photojournalists who built their careers in Washington, D.C., before moving to the mountains. Bruce Young and Jennifer Law Young managed to capture the subtle details that distinguish the County as well as the panoramic views it’s famous for.

Nestled in the Shenandoah Valley and guarded by the Blue Ridge Mountains, Rockbridge County is a fiercely beautiful place, rocky and pastoral, historic and rural, and Southern through and through. In Rockbridge County, time seems to stand still even as the clouds sweep over the mountains and the Maury River cuts through the rocks of Goshen Pass.

I wasn’t born in Rockbridge County, but I came of age there, living on a farm in the shadow of Jump Mountain, 17 miles from the nearest town, which had only 5,000 inhabitants. I went to school surrounded by people who had lived in the area for generations,  and while my mother never really forgave my father for transplanting the family to the rural South, I related to the County on a visceral level, bound to its wild beauty and serene vistas, the spirit that flowed through its rivers and creeks.

I was rooted in the sense of the place, the permanence of its rocky landmarks, the moodiness of the sky, the lushness of the hills, and the way the roads never took a direct route anywhere. I loved the honeysuckle twisting through the pasture fences, the black angus dotting the hillsides, the satisfying crunch of its dirt roads, the canopy of hardwood trees, the stately presence of the old brick colonials and the Southern charm of the ubiquitous white farmhouses.

Like the narrow roads winding through the countryside, I was captive to Rockbridge County ’s geography.  I was unable to casually pass through on my way to another life. Every bend in the road forced me to slow down, observe the world outside my window,  and consider what might lie ahead. 

When I left the County, I was only 18 and already engaged. My fiancé had been born half a world away to Belgians living in the Congo.  Later he lived in Algeria, Turkey, and Greece before settling in the U.S. and attending college in the County.  On our first date we went swimming in the Maury River, less than a year later he proposed at the same spot.  I married him when I was barely 20, honeymooned in the Blue Ridge Mountains, and followed him to Oklahoma.

Eight years later, I dragged him back to Virginia because I simply couldn’t live anywhere else. For 15 years we made our home half-way between Richmond and Washington, visiting friends and family in the County when we could. Then last March with conviction we didn’t know we had, we returned to his roots, moving to Brussels, Belgium.

Last night during the Christmas Eve service at the Episcopal church we attend here, the Rev. Kempton Baldridge talked about his favorite Christmas song, “I’ll be Home for Christmas.” A Southerner and former military chaplain who has lived in Belgium for years, his voice choked with emotion as he quoted the lyrics: “I’ll be home for Christmas/ You can count on me/ I’ll be home for Christmas/ If only in my dreams.”

Kempton talked about Jesus, Mary, and Joseph as expatriates, people forced to leave all that was familiar behind, first to go to Bethlehem, then in their flight to Egypt. He spoke of the three kings who left their home countries to search for something bigger than the kingdoms they knew. He preached about our longing for “home” in both the physical and spiritual sense, how we’re driven by a desire for a place to call our own, a place where we’re loved and accepted just as we are, a place we can be our best and truest selves, a place we can be forgiven, a place that brings us peace.

In the glow of the church’s candlelight, surrounded by my husband and children, I knew I was right where I belonged and at home in my life, but this morning when I unwrapped Tom and Darcy’s gift, I was reminded of the place I’d left behind more than 20 years ago: Rockbridge County,  forever home, no matter where I live.

© Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

December 25, 2005

Tuesday
Dec062005

The Dark Side of the Season

Checking the Belgian news, I read that three homeless persons had frozen to death while I was on holiday in Paris.

I thought of my 8-year-old daughter.

While we were in Paris, walking through a fashionable neighborhood near the center of the city, she cried out to me, “Mama! Mama!”

I followed her pointing finger and couldn’t see what she saw. There was an element of panic in her voice that I didn’t understand. Where was the emergency? Finally I spotted the source of her despair.

A homeless man curled into a circle on the floor of a phone booth.

It was bitterly damp and cold. It had snowed the day before. We were chilled even in heavy parkas, scarves, and gloves, but we were heading home to a warm supper and a cup of tea.

This man was going nowhere.

And for the third time in as many days I struggled for words to comfort and enlighten my daughter. I’d had to explain about the man in the Metro wrapping his feet in rags and lining his clothes with discarded newspapers. I’d had to explain to her why there were crude tents and an informal commune under a lavishly decorated bridge over the Seine. I’d had to justify my decision not to toss change to the woman with the begging cup targeting English-speaking tourists on the Champs-Elysees.

Amid my broad explanations on the causes of homelessness and some of the ways we have helped those in need, my daughter saw not our successes but our failures. She didn’t care about our charitable donations or our work in a soup kitchen last summer—she cared about the sight of another human being sleeping on pavement in freezing temperatures.

“Why couldn’t we at least have bought him a hot chocolate? Why couldn’t he have a warm place to sleep?” Back at our apartment, my daughter threw herself down on the bed and wept, all the joy drained out of her holiday. Is it my role as a parent to try to harden her tender heart? Or is it her place as a child to deepen the compassion in mine?

From our American home near Fredericksburg, Virginia, to Baltimore, Maryland, to Washington to New York to Paris to Brussels, the faces and fates of the homeless have challenged our thinking, our politics, our inner peace. They highlight our helplessness to affect real change. They spotlight our confusion over the nature of their problems. They remind us of our failures to make a difference. They make us uneasy or arrogant about our wealth.

And they die on the steps of a church in Brussels.

From city to city, continent to continent, the problem of homelessness is one we can’t escape. We can move across the globe and become “strangers in a strange land,” but the harsher reality is that the homeless are often strangers in their own lands. They are expatriates in their own lives, homeless in every sense.

Yet in my daughter’s eyes, they aren’t strangers at all. They aren’t easy to forget or ignore. Theirs is not a complicated problem. They are simply people in need, and we are people in a position to help.

As we move into the holiday season with its glittering attractions and religious celebrations, let’s seek ways to share the actual and figurative warmth in our lives, to acknowledge without judgment the plight of the “expatriates” on the streets of Belgium and in the towns and cities of our home countries.

The poor will always be with us, but as we travel the world let’s be certain that compassion follows us from place to place as well. Let’s not avert our eyes but choose instead to face our shared humanity, expatriate to expatriate.

First published on Expatica.com

© 2005 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.