There's got to be an explanation

The darling little E-Grrrl had art club yesterday, and when her dad picked her up after school, she excitedly announced that the Three Kings were coming! She learned this in the class she has on Belgium culture each Thursday.

Yes, here in Belgium, according to her native teacher, the Three Kings deliver gifts on the eve of the Feast of Epiphany (known as Three Kings Day here.) E-Grrrl is so excited! More gifts! More mystery! More excitement! And it’s all happening tonight! Wow! It was quite a surprise to her parents too.

She and her dad had to stop at the best bakery in town to buy a Three Kings cake. Baked into the cake is a trinket of some sort (or a dry bean) and whoever gets the special item in their slice of cake gets to wear a crown and be treated as royalty on Three Kings Day. (You may also get a broken tooth or a first-hand experience with the Heimlech maneuver—it all depends on how lucky you are.)

Last night I discovered a tiny ceramic tile painted with the image of a crown in my piece of cake, and so I am wearing the gold crown provided by the bakery and only answering those who address me as “Your Highness.” Curtsying and bowing are much appreciated, and I’m carrying the little tile in my pocket in case anyone challenges me on my status as Queen.

But enough about me--back to E-Grrrl. After the cake ceremony, she and her brother rummaged through the refrigerator and pulled out carrots to leave for the three kings’camels as their teacher had instructed. Then they went to bed in a tizzy, E-Grrrl buzzing with anticipation, her brother nervous and creeped out at the thought of three kings entering the house after he fell asleep. (His mother’s son! I always thought Santa Claus was a bit like a stalker.)

E-Man and I, well we were tired. Very tired. We just didn’t have the energy or resources to tap to celebrate another gift-giving occasion. A month ago, St. Nicholas came and left candy and trinkets in the children’s shoes, just like the Belgian teacher said he would!!! Then of course, Santa Claus had come on Christmas Eve and brought them presents, just like he does in America!!! And now, here it was Three King’s Eve and the kids were ready for more, more, more!!! Mom and Dad crawled into bed on schedule, being sure to say a prayer that God would bless the Belgian culture teacher for sharing these wonderful stories with the kids and asking that in the future, she also share them with the parents so we all can enjoy these Belgian holidays by planning for them.

E-Grrrl woke this morning and greeted her mother in the bathroom with a long face. “They didn’t come! I can’t believe they didn’t come!” She checks for gifts under her bed, in her shoes, in the attic, downstairs, on the window sills—but there are no gifts to be found. She’s crushed. Upset. She’s sure she heard her teacher right. Maybe she left her carrots in the wrong place? Maybe they were coming tonight instead? She’s positive she heard footsteps on the steps last night. Positive!!!

Being a seasoned expat, I can see where things may have gone wrong:

• The Three Kings passports were not in order.
• They didn’t make it through the metal detectors at the check point with all that gold.
• They didn’t have a work permit and visa allowing them to deliver gifts in our neighborhood.
• They failed to register with the appropriate embassies and our commune.
• They didn’t have their Belgian identification cards and were detained by police.
• They got lost—we know how hard it is to navigate in Belgium.
• The camels went on strike demanding fresher carrots, more hay, reduced hours, and early retirement.
• The countries the kings represent are not members of the EU and did not have a trade agreement in place.
• The kings, unfamiliar with Belgian “priority right,” were involved in an unfortunate accident with a Mercedes.
• The kings had issues with NATO policies and boycotted the Brussels area as a result.
• Their royal accountants decided the tax structure in Belgium made it a poor choice for those with extensive assets.
• The camels did not have international health records and were not microchipped so they could not enter the country.

As all of us living in Belgium know, anything is possible. These issues crop up regularly for expats . I’m sure by next year, the three kings will have all their problems resolved and will visit E-Grrrl and her brother as expected.

© 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

January 6, 2006

Comments

[Shirl Grrrl]

I'm sorry for E-Grrrl's disappointment. But has she even thought to ask why St. Nick and the 3 Kings only visit in Belgium? Why didn't they come to her home in King George? Why would three kings from the Orient choose Belgium to visit? By the same token, if you must observe the Belgian traditions, maybe elminating your American Santa Claus is the answer. Sorry kiddos, Santa knows that St. Nick visited on Dec. 5th (he is known as Sinterklaas in The Netherlands). Do Dutch and Belgian children get visits from Santa? Three gift giving episodes in one month is a bit much! Unless you go back to the more traditional gifts, such as oranges! If I sound like Scrooge, so be it! If I lived there, I'd have a son's birthday to think of as well! I think the cake thing is fun and that should be enough!

[TB]

This is awesome Queen V-grrrl! It reminds me of David Sedaris and the Six to Eight Black Men. If you haven't read this story in his latest book, you should run out and get it.

Thanks for making me laugh out loud this morning.

[#1 Dancer]

That's great! I love the list of reasons why they didn't make it.
Here in the states (and more specifically New Orleans), today is called "Twelfth Night" and, more importantly, the beginning of Mardi Gras!!
We buy large, round, cream cheese filled 'danishes' called King Cakes. Our special prize is a small plastic baby (the Christ-child) and whomever finds the baby is responsible for bringing the King Cake to the next party.
That's so interesting to hear that the King Cake tradition is celebrated all over the world!
Happy Kings Day!

[Denice]

This is funny and painful all at once. How awful to be caught off guard for a gift giving holiday. I like your list of reasons they did not make to your house...paper work not in order...isn't that the truth.

[Ash]

Ah, the tortures of mixed cultures! Father Christmas didn't visit us this year. His cousin, Sinterklaas, came to see us on the 5th December and apparently the two of them came to some kind of an agreement :0

As a result we had a rather orderly exchange of presents between each other on Christmas Day, preceded by a free-for-all of gifts in a huge sack delivered by Sinterklaas and his Zwarte Pieten. Three King's Day isn't a big thing here, thankfully, and the kids are still on holiday so no school influence there!

[Melanhead]

This is so classic. I mean, you try to teach your kids to embrace diversity, and look what happens. Too much diversity to keep track. ;)

Just don't move again to someplace like Israel. With Hanukkah, you will pretty much find yourself giving them each a gift every day of December!