I love you but....
November 3, 2006 at 1:49 Earlier this week, Shirley sent me an e-mail forward that included notable entries from a Washington Post competition. According the forward, the Post asked readers to submit two-line poems that began with a romantic line but ended with a distinctly non-romantic one.
Before you sample the entries, here’s one I wrote:
Your eyes so sparkly, your hair so red
Is that the sun shining through your head?
Here are some received by The Washington Post:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you really screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
All right y’all, it’s Friday, and I want to see you bust a rhyme. Give me your best!
November 3, 2006
Reader Comments (31)
Here are some:
Your breath is so warm and sweet,
Well, that sickening kind of sweet--what the hell did you have to eat?
Your leather pants are sexy as hell,
Man, I just love that new car smell.
Ah, baby, the sweet allure of bare,
It really sucks you have no hair.
Flip flop, flop flip, you make my heart beat madly,
I really need a defibrillator badly.
(My apologies, V. Didn’t think of you until after I wrote it, but I still think it’s funny and hope you do too.)
Chestnuts roasting by an open fire, me playfully nibbling on your toes,
Christmas special--costs only $20 by me or one of the other hoes.
Your touch leaves me absolutely on fire,
You said there was no poison ivy on the ground where we did it, you liar!
Hope some others will join in ... good to get the mind going on a cold Friday morning! There are some clever wordsmiths here so I am anxious to see other "entries."
Shirley
Hi, I'm a friend of Shirley's. She sent methis link so I could join in the fun. Hope you don't mind.
How about
Parting is such sweet sorrow, but you'd better be gone when I wake up tomorrow.
As we lie in the light of afterglow and daybreak, I'm dying to tell you that you suck & I faked.
(too vulgar? sorry!)
Love the ones already posted, funny!
Here's mine:
You're sweeter than honey, smoother than cream,
But if you don't stop talking now, I'm going to scream.
Like the rectal itch that tortures my behind.
Some say it's love but I think it's just flu.
We'll grow old together, I'll not leave you behind.
You're out of Viagra? For God's Sake. Never mind.
(All dedicated to my ex...)
My love you did win, my heart you did lasso...
Too bad I just figured out you were a huge asshole.
I thought this was love, I thought it would stick,
But I just can't get past your teeny tiny dick.
:)
Now hurry up, down on your knees.
As we lay here, wrapped in each others' arms
I must compliment you on your fellating charms.
Your sweet embrace and gentle touch are never enough
I'm a randy bitch, idiot, and I like it rough.
OK, back to work now.
While you fondle the remote & zone out, you asshole.
Your devotion to family set you apart from the others,
but the sex creeps me out when you call me "Dear Mother".
Ok, I've simply gone too far. Back to work, indeed.
"V-Grrrl in the Middle--Rated R Since November 3, 2006"
Of course, if I were Heather Armstrong, I'd have to add a new banner that reads "Now with more rectal itch!"
Roses are red, violets are blue
I can't get it up anymore, thanks to you.
The moon is aglow, my love is asleep.
I look at him now, and looks like a creep.
But the sessions will help that, my therapist said.
Too bad that's all gone, and now you're just old.
Contrast with the present, one quick grope in the dark.