Cookie exchange dropout

It’s the Christmas season and I’ve been asked at least three times to bake cookies for worthy causes—The teachers! The kids! The party!

And each time I get asked, I either ignore the request or smile politely and offer to donate bakery cookies. At this point in my life, the only person I’d willfully bake cookies for is God himself, and only if the heavens open and I get the request directly from on High.

I don’t know when I turned into a cranky, non-baking bitch, but I’ve left my cookie sheets and cooling racks behind me.

Before I had kids, I made holiday cookies and occasionally baked molasses, ranger, oatmeal, or chocolate chip cookies during the year. When my son was an infant, I remember baking cookies for E’s office mates and packaging them in pretty bags. There were a few times during the preschool years where I willingly trashed my kitchen in the name of holiday tradition, trying not to lose my cool as I guided my kids through the rigors of rolling out dough and using cookie cutters of various shapes.

Following that, there was a brief interlude when I swore off cutout cookies and pledged only to make drop cookies but even the drop cookies dropped off my menu after a while. When my circle of friends hosted cookie exchanges, I was the only one to say “No thanks,” though one year, desperate to join the fun, I made chocolate covered pretzels.

My philosophy about the holidays in recent years is that if you wait long enough, some Martha Stewart wannabe in your circle will give you a home-baked handout. If not, enjoy the cookies at the holiday parties but don’t expect me to bake any at home.

I’m mean, I know.

And I feel guilty too. Guilty that my kids are living a cookie-free existence at home, that I have failed the June Cleaver litmus test, that I will forever be remembered as a selfish writer who typed all day but never creamed sugar and butter, tossed in eggs and vanilla, stirred in the dry ingredients, and turned the kitchen into a big sweet-smelling Happy Place for a few hours. It’s just that the mixing, the dropping, the endless baking and cooling and cleanup takes me to a Big Flour-Covered Unhappy Place.

But I miss my mom’s cookies, especially the big chewy molasses ones. This year I may break down and bake some cookies on Christmas Eve day and give my kids a happy holiday memory.

“Remember that time mom made cookies?”

There’s more than one way to become a legend in your own time. Bake cookies every year, and it’s expected and taken for granted. Bake once in a blue moon, and you become a Goddess.

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved. www.v-grrrl.com

December 13, 2006

Comments

[RD]

This is the perfect holiday post! I can so relate. But now that I've given up this nonsense, I find that my 11 yr old has the cookie-making gene. I can't get her to stop. I cringe every time she hits the kitchen because she leaves behind a cookie dough mess, down to the smeared oven doors and cabinet doors, sticky counters, and dirty dishes. I wonder how long before she burns out?

[Shirl Grrrl]

Big Lou made chewy molasses cookies? Ah, my Grandma's recipe is Moravian style, rolled as thin as you can get it (and then it's still not thin enough) and then you oh-so-gently lift them with a thin metal spatula used only for this purpose. Granny Grrrl stoppped the tradion when her back got bad and couldn't handle the rolling. These are the cookies that my brother fights his kids over! It kills me to roll this dough, too, but I do it for the sake of the Barton tradition.

[V-Grrrl]

Shirl Grrrl, Big Lou never made a dainty cookie. Even her sugar cookies were hefty.

You are going to heaven for your hard work on the Moravian ginger cookies. Me, I'm going to the bakery! ; )

[Shirl Grrrl]

I don't know why we call the ginger cookies, molasses cookies, since my Grandpa Barton grew up 2 blocks from Old Salem. And actually, we butcher it further by saying "molassy". We also roll the dickens out of our sugar cookies and they are best when baked almost to the point of burnt. The cookies on the edges of the cookies sheets were the ones that my Grandpa would seek out (and my Daddy as well). Dip them in your coffee and my-oh-my, it's pure heaven. While I enjoy carrying on this tradition, it is NOT fun and simple and children are not allowed to bother me. We also do not put yukky icing on our sugar cookes, only colored sugars. Left over molassy cookie dough (after you've rolled it until it can't be rolled anymore) makes a great ornament! Roll it thick and bake on a low temp oven. I let the kids do this many years ago and they gave them away. They keep year to year in the freezer!

[TB]

I've been thinking about this myself lately as I am a horrible baker. My family is going to have to be content with gourmet meals, but no homemade dessert.

[mamalujo1]

OK, V, how much? For a batch of the molasses ones? Come on. I NEED them.

[V-Grrrl]

Mamalujo,

Hmmm.This may be one of those things you only get to dream about... : )

[JMo]

You wouldn't make me a cookie?

[amber]

Ha! Funny. I would totally bake, if not for the mess... I make good cookies! But, too good. And I end up eating them all. So I would bake, if not for the mess and the fat ass.

:)

[V-Grrrl]

JMo--My bearer of bagels, I would have to make you at least one cookie. What kind?

E-mail me!

[Flubberwinkle]

"Bake cookies every year, and it's expected and taken for granted. Bake once in a blue moon, and you become a Goddess."
--->sooooooooo true!
Also applies for house cleaning and cooking (I've tested it).
:-)

p.s. OK, OK, we're not into a baking mood. But how about some cookie recipes in case "the heavens open"?

[Nance]

*insert drumroll and flourish of trumpets, please*

I BAKE! Lots of cookies. Admit it, V. I *am* your goddess. I've already made my Christmas cookies and they are snugly stowed in my freezer: frosted orange drops, chocolate frosted oatmeal bars, peanut blossoms, Croatian nuthorns, date-oatmeal cookies...all waiting for the holiday. And my Friendship Fruit is getting ready for cakes.

[Jenny]

That's me...Godess.

And besides, store-bought are just as delicious, right?

[wordgirl]

*sigh* Just the other day I was mourning the fact that I no longer took the time to bake the sugar cookies and lovingly paint them with egg-yolk paint and colored sugar. How did I do it with little ones grabbing at my ankles all day long and why, with two driving and the youngest almost 13, do I NOT DO IT AT ALL?? The last batch of cookies I made? Frozen cookie dough that I bought from the Boy Scouts. Just call me Martha!

[Nancy]

I used to love baking for the holidays. Now I probably fall more under your definition of "Goddess." Although I do get the occasional guilty pang when I look at the poster Mimi made me once in day care -- her teacher carefully printed out Mimi's favorite thing to do on rainy days. "When it rains, Mommy and I make cookies." (I think we did that once, but obviously it was quite popular!)

[Shirley]

Okay, don't stone me with chocolate chips or anything, but I bake cookies all the time--year round. I love to bake and I especially love to bake cookies. No, I am not a "Martha" type, but baking is relaxing for me. Even since I've gone gluten free, I bake--just with different flour. All my friends rave over my cookies. However, I have not attempted a gluten-free version of my cutout butter cookies recipe yet. One of our favorite recipes doesn't even call for flour of any kind. It's a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie recipe requiring peanut butter, brown sugar, baking soda, an egg, vanilla, salt, and mini chocolate chips. It's the perfect cookie with its texture, chewiness, and the requisite chocolate. Other than that, my brown sugar chocolate chip cookies are the most requested. I last made banana chocolate chip cookies on Friday--wonderful way to use overripe bananas. The banana flavor is mild; most people don't even realize there are bananas in them when they eat them.