Maybe, it's not the most wonderful time of the year

What’s worse than the stomach bugs laying people low? The holiday malaise that so many can’t seem to escape. Most stomach viruses last a little more than a day, but for many the holiday blues seem to hang on and on. It’s the time of year when all our hopes and disappointments are magnified, when sad and happy memories both bring tears. It may well be the most melancholy time of the year.

I hear complaints from people who have too many parties to go to and the loneliness of those who have too few. The sadness of those who are separated from family members over the holidays and the resentment of those who can’t escape family obligations over the holidays. There’s guilt circulating among those who know expensive presents can’t mend broken relationships and guilt infecting those who can’t afford to express their love in a gift. There are thoughtful people debating how to establish meaningful traditions and those who would love to ditch their traditions and just spend a long weekend in their pajamas.

In December, women everywhere join the Sacred Sisterhood of Perpetual Obligations. They are hollow-eyed--exhausted by shopping, card-writing, decorating, socializing, and baking. Overtired kids who have seen too many Santas, spent too much time at the mall, and been run into the ground by holiday parties and play practices. There are the men telling their partner to relax and not understanding why that comment is met with such looks of disgust and despair.  At times it seems the snap in the air has more to do with the prevailing attitudes than with brisk weather.  And all this is compounded by the December viruses, the uninvited holiday guests.

And yet, there are those moments when holiday cheer breaks through the gloom—when decorations make us smile and brighten a dark night, when the sales clerk smiles and you smile back because you know you’ve found the perfect gift for someone, when we find time to curl up and watch a movie or read a book to a pajama-clad child, when the mail brings a note from an old friend, when you look around the table and count your blessings in the faces there, when the choir sings and our eyes close and our hearts soar heavenward, when the curtain rises and the music starts and you’re drawn by the magic on the stage, when you see a candle flicker to life and find it possible to believe in miracles.

These are the moments I wish for you, wherever you are, however you celebrate. Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, a joyful Kwanza celebration.

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved. www.v-grrrl.com.

December 17, 2006

Comments

[amber]

Great post. So true! Ehh. I'm just...kind of blah about it all. And we cut way back on all the *stuff*. I still have not gotten my cards out! I may just forget it all together.

But then the good stuff is so nice. I'm working at Borders today...We'll see how much holiday cheer i come home with. LOL

:)

[Ortizzle]

Yes, the holiday season stirs up a lot of feelings, in addition to stomach bugs (I am tackling a nasty cold as I write this.) But it is somehow worth it, in many respects, and I think (as you wrote in an earlier post), there are times when it is possible to scale back on all the hoopla and still not lose the essence of the season. Which is to gladden the hearts of those we love, and maybe, if we are lucky, the hearts of those who feel unloved. Thanks for the holiday wishes, and the very same to you. :-)

[Nance]

As always, V., you touch upon a point that I now wish *I* had blogged: the fact that it's we women who are the Bringers of the Holidays. Why IS that? We all know that Christmas, Easter, Birthdays, younameit...they don't happen without us. OR, if something lays us low and the men bring a skinnied-down version, it's greeted with cheers and much hoopla. As if they had just produced a rhinoceros from a nostril. But, dare we omit one teensy thing; venture a simpler kind, the world is crestfallen: "But, Mom...what about the ____? We ALWAYS ____. It's the best part!!! It's not (insert holiday here) without the _______!!!!!" Sigh. Holidays are pressure, no getting around it. That's why we at The Dept. stay home on Christmas, stay in our jammies on Christmas, and discourage visitors on Christmas. We do a big family open house on the Eve, and then hibernate on the Day. It's lovely.

[mamatulip]

You are such a great writer. You capture so much of what I'm thinking in such a real, beautiful way.

[V-Grrrl]

Nance,

This season I did tell my daughter the Facts of Life--that women deliver Christmas to their families.

Yes, E-Grrrl, one day you will shoulder all the shopping, shipping, wrapping, decorating, baking, card writing, socializing, nurturing, and annual acts of appreciation and holiday cheer.This bit of information is every bit as life-altering as any discovery about Santa Claus or the details of where babies come from. I'm sure our Christmas conversation is a moment of revelation she will always remember.

The good news? She is young enough to think that doing all these things will be FUN. And it is fun--the first ten times you do it, then the law of diminishing returns starts to kick in and you live for the moments when it's GOOD like it used to be.

The older I get, the more wistful I become for the years when my mother made Christmas happen for me and my family, and all I had to do was show up and smile and taste the joy.

[TB]

What a great essay. This should be published in a paper somewhere V.

[Lisa]

Lovely writing, V. You've expressed the multifaceted, responsibility-laden holiday season well.

[Mignon]

I know this is totally cliche, but on Sunday I promised Jim sexual favors if he would do the Christmas cards, and by God, it worked! Win-win, as far as I'm concerned. Perhaps we've just started a new holiday tradition...

What I'm saying is, as long as "shouldering Christmas" is Womens' Work, then why not use some of our super-powers to get stuff done? If it doesn't work in our 9-5's, it should at least work at home, right?