A boy and his Game Boy

I admit it—we’re not a family that’s plugged in to electronic entertainment. E and I were married for 20 years before we got a TV, and that one was inherited from his mom. We bought our first new TV last March and according to our children, we are the ONLY people in the school who have just one TV that’s hooked up to a DVD player.

We’ve never had cable, satellite, TiVo. No iPod, no Nintendo, no PlayStation. The kids are only allowed to watch television on weekends.

I’m mean, I know.

E and I kind of fell into the “simple life” early in our marriage when we didn’t have money to buy a TV and got used to life without one. Later when the kids came along, we resisted all the voices telling us our life would be easier if we just got a TV and let the kids watch educational shows. I’m sure they were right in many respects—life would have been easier. My kids were (and are) curious, creative, and prone to experimentation and living with their mad genius is not always pretty. When they were preschoolers, I lovingly referred to them as my domestic terrorists because they were always coming up with crazy schemes and activities, but the positive side is that they’ve grown into kids who like to play outside, explore the natural world, take care of pets and plants, build all sorts of things out of odds and ends, do art, and read books. They’re very creative and confident, and they’re good problem solvers.

As they’ve grown and their social circle and interactions have expanded, they’ve discovered a new world of electronics through their friends. My daughter got a Pixel Chick for her birthday, avidly played with it for about two weeks and then set it aside. She likes to occasionally play games on the computer, but will go for two or more weeks without interest.

My 11-year-old son, on the other hand, would play computer games all day if we let him. We limit him to an hour a day on weekends, and even then nearly every computer turn leaves him agitated and cranky. He gets fully absorbed in the game, frustrated, and can’t set it aside either mentally or physically. This is why we didn’t ever plan to get him a Game Boy. He has a tendency to be obsessive and persistent, and we didn’t want him to fall into the world of portable gaming for fear he’d never re-emerge into the real world.

But he received a lot of checks on his birthday in September—enough that he was able to buy a Game Boy Advance on his own. While we weren’t fully supportive of this purchase, we didn’t want to forbid it. We figured gaming in and of itself isn’t bad in moderation and that he needed to learn how to set limits on his own. Plus, we couldn’t deny he loved playing, and that if you’re an 11-year-old boy, being Game Boy literate is fairly important socially.

So the Game Boy made it into the house three months ago, and my son immediately began working on ways to acquire games, mostly by buying or trading for used ones among his social circle. In one clever trade, he made a friend a birch wood bow, arrows, and a quiver in return for several games. He has bought some games outright at consignment shops or from friends who are bored with them. A neighborhood boy has given him some for free. He’s not allowed to have explicitly violent games.

He takes his Game Boy everywhere. He plays it on the bus, in the car, and after school. Occasionally we insist he put it away, but other than that the only restrictions on use is no Game Boy until his schoolwork is completed and no Game Boy right before bed. Mostly we let him set his own limits—but we both think he plays it too much and that it distracts him from finding more constructive and active things to do. We keep hoping the novelty will wear off and eventually he’ll lose interest on his own.  We try to make sure he has other interesting things to do--good books to read, Scout projects to work on--but that strategy doesn't always work.

How do the rest of you handle Game Boys? Do you set limits on usage? Do you just accept it as a cool toy and not worry about how much they play? Did your kids lose interest after a while? I’m curious, wondering if I’m the only parent concerned about gaming becoming a negative thing.

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved. www.v-grrrl.com

December 19, 2006

Comments

[javacurls]

Please let your children know that your family is NOT the only one with one TV and DVD. haha We're very comfortable with one TV.

I don't have much advice on the Gameboy issue since my son is just 4 yrs old. But I'd be interested to see what others have to say about it.

[Lux Lisbon]

My daughter would be so envious! When we moved from the US to Sweden a year ago I had a garage sale and sold anything that had a plug. But even in Denver we only used the TV to watch DVD's. I never had cable or a dish.

Life without a TV is less stressful (for us anyway). There are times when Ri complains but she has become quite good at finding ordinary household items and turning them into fabulous toys.

[Granola-grrrl]

Since their dad makes games for a living, my kids all love them, even though games are a hard sell for me. We don't have a tv here (even though we were offered a donation last week by the well-meaning school counselor, who thought that maybe we just couldn't afford one), but we do have more than one Gameboy. Alex is the addict; he's 6. The other two will play, but prefer to play outside or do other things. I watch carefully for any negative gaming effects. So far, my biggest worry has been repetitive stress issues, and I make Alex put the game down periodically and move his hands around and rest them. On the positive side, he has learned persistence, and his reading skills have improved. He loves playing the Zelda games, which often require cleverness to solve problems. He used to come to me in tears and frustrated that he couldn't solve a particularly challenging puzzle, then half an hour later, he'd come back, proud that he'd solved it on his own (I'm a gaming moron, and absolutely no help). I also used to have to read the on-screen conversations to him, but I just realized that I haven't done that now for a few months. He's more analytical in his thinking now, too.

Generally, Alex seems to be fairly well-rounded and doesn't play to the exclusion of other activities, so I don't mind him playing his Gameboy when it doesn't interfere with homework, getting ready for school, or bedtime.

[Ash]

Oh, I am with you on the fear about games becoming all consuming. Seb is 6 (turning 7) and the PS2 consumes his life. He will play to the exclusion of everything, he doesn't even hear me or anyone else talk to him when he plays.

His dad is a big addict too - PSP - and so there isn't even much room for manouevre when I try and limit it all. I try and limit games to every other day, and then give a one hour time frame. He cries and gets upset when we say time is up and then has the sulks the rest of the day even though he is rational enough to know that sulking means shortened game time next time.

We only have one tv and one dvd player. I will absolutely not ever have another tv in our home, or we would end up in separate rooms watching separate things. I'm waiting for one of my gaming addicts to suggest getting a second tv just for the console to which the answer will be 'NO!'.

[Char]

We are a technology family. We have too many TVs, each family member has their own computer, and each of the older kids has a Gameboy, oh, and we have PS2 also. but I think we have been able to manage technology well. It is part of our kids lives and I think because it has always been there, they have learned to self regulate.

TV is mostly for my husband. I could easily live without one. The kids watch the occasional show on Disney channel, National Geographic or the Food Network (they have a broad range of interests).

We are on the go so much that the kids don't really have that much time on computer or PS2 except on weekends, and then it just depends on the day. No violent games are allowed. Most of the PS2 or Gameboy games my son plays are hockey or airplane simulator types. I don't think either one has a negative effect on him. He reads more books than any kid I know and gets straight As, so I can't really take it away from him.

In September my 8 year old daughter chose to buy herself a pretty pink Gameboy with her birthday money. She plays it from time to time - she only has one game - the Dogs one. She brings it to her brother's hockey practice and games but usually finds something else to do within minutes of getting there. My son will take his Gameboy to do while waiting for his sister to finish gymnastics practice.

So, back to your question. How do I manage it? They kind of manage it themselves. They get their gaming, TV and computer time in small doses and I don't think anyone is suffering ill-effects from it.

[Shirl Grrrl]

My entry will read a bit like Char's. We have 6 TVs in our house and I barely watch TV. My husband is a tech geek. We each have our own computer and the kids share one. We started out with two TVs, one for the living room and one for our bedroom. Then, as J kept upgrading the old TVs got dispersed around the house until almost every room has one. Both kids have a Gameboy Advance but rarely play them anymore, especially M-Grrrl, but she does want a DS so she can play that dog game char mentioned but we've said no, since she is really not that into gaming. My son, however, is a video-gaming guru. I am amazed how he can get a new game and just start playing it without reading any directions or anything. Both kids like to play on the computer as well, and here lately J-Boy has been playing an interactive game against his friends. J is not allow to play the GameCube in the mornings and has to stop an hour before bed. He plays all kinds of games and yes, he even has some war games but I don't see any negative effects. Now, my confession... I can easily spend a day playing Zelda or Chibi-Robo or Pikmen... my son comes by it honestly. I don't like the fast games, like Sonic. Like Granola-Grrrl mentioned, a lot of these games help the kids learn problem solving and while J is not a patient kid, he is when he's playing and finding all the hidden things in a Zelda game. His hand/eye coordination is awesome, but he can barely hold a fork correctly! After A has gone through all his games enough times, you'll see him not have it in hand as much. If he doesn't have the 2 Zelda games for Advanced, I highly recommend them!!

[Mary-LUE]

Ah... Obsession and Persistance are frequent visitors to my home! Our approach to video games has been to shift with the times. By that, I mean that every few months we had to switch strategies. For awhile, our son had to have his homework done before he could play games. Then, he became so crabby and obsessed that we said he could only play for an hour on any given day and then he had to have exercise in order to earn more time. So, for a half hour of activity, he could earn another half hour of play. Eventually, he became less obssessed. At least, he is only periodically obsessed. He got a PSP for his birthday last year and he picks it up for hours but only every few weeks. The same with the computer. He will buy a new computer game and play endlessly and then not go back to it for weeks or months.

I think he is a little unusual that way. I do know people whose sons stay quite focused on gaming. I think your limits are good but he is 11 and it is so new to him. It might take awhile but I am sure the foundation of creativity and activity that has been laid will serve him well.

[Lynn]

I'm so interested to read what everyone has to say about this! Like V-Grrrl, the tv is in the house only to run the dvd player and we've resisted all gaming devices so far. But my Mr. T - at 5 1/2 - loves to watch videos and would watch it all the time if allowed I know the time will come when I have to battle the game boy demon too. One plus side, it would give me more ammunition in the discipline department - one more thing to withhold if necessary!

[wordgirl]

I've found that all kids have their own saturation level. They'll be obsessive about something, but when they're ready to set something aside on their own terms (rather than being forced to do so), the departure is more permanent and less frustrating. It's a decision they make on their own and, barring any destructive/uncharacteristic misbehavior stemming from the overuse or overexposure to a particular game or pastime, I think it helps them to grow up on their own.

[Michael]

When they get bigger, you'll miss the gaming days. Persistence and obsessions with video games are easier to supervise then girlfriends, fast cars, and contact sports.

The Sega thingy started generating dust as soon as middle school ended.

[Mignon]

There's really not much in the way of toys I would ever FORBID my kids to have, but I think video games may be one. I simply can not stand the noise, the animation, the catatonic stares, the hyperactivity following gaming, all of it. I think they are the scourge of our youth.

I understand your concern about making your son not stand out socially because of his lack of gaming knowledge, and I've thought about that. But no. My son will have to find his own way to fit in, and if that means sports, music, academics, whatever, that's just a bonus for all of us. Even if it's Dungeons and Dragons. We'll just have to cross that bridge when we get there. But at this point, Jim and I completely agree: No video games, Ever.

[Tom]

We've got a Gamecube and the girls each have a DS. I just got a free PS2 and stuck it in the basement. TVs are in the family room, our bedroom and my "lair" in the basement, but they won't be in the girls' bedrooms unless all they can do is play dvds (no cable there). They have to wait until after homework to play them. I'd be a hypocrite if I made them go outside to play before hanging out inside, even thought we live on a beautiful farm out in the boonies.

It's what me and the little lady find just works for us. Whether that's due to laziness or excellent parenting, I don't know. I may have had a struggle with my older daughter this morning getting her out the door to school, but I damn sure know she's going to hug my neck this evening when I tuck her in.

You'll know.

[Flubberwinkle]

Our home, also, has one television set accompanied only by a DVD player. No playstations or gameboys, satellite dishes or cables.

Television viewing for our children was controlled while they were growing up. Hardly no television was allowed during school days and Saturday morning was two hour tops.

Computer games didn't go over well with my daughters so I never had to worry about balancing computer play time at all. Sadly, I was the one with an inexplicable, time-wasting addiction to pac-man like games (I love eating them ghosts!).

[TB]

First, I applaud you for keeping your kids TV limited. I hope to do the same, from birth to at least five years if not longer depending on feasability.

Secondly with regard to video games. I agree with Shirl-grrrl. When I was a kid, we didn't have video games in the house either but when we finally got them, I was obsessed, until I beat the game, then it lost its appeal. There are definitely games out there that help with reasoning, and logic and build creativity/imagination. If those are the ones he's playing, I'll bet he'll be just fine.

[pisces]

so i'm not a parent, but i am the girlfriend to a 32 year old boy who happens to also makes video games for a living. this christmas i bought him a new nintendo gameboy ds lite with a couple of games and since i gave it to him this past saturday it's all he has been doing ever since. i swear, every second of free time is consumed by that thing. however, once the "new exciting toy"-ness wears off, it will all be back to normal. both of us grew up with video games and i can honestly say we are both very well-rounded, intelligent, fully functioning adults. in fact, i would say that having been exposed to gaming at an early age gave us a new world of people to share with and experience things with in our lives. a few of my friends play games, but the majority don't which is a good balance to my boyfriend who works at a company full of your stereo-typical "gamer".
video games are a great way to help teach kids the difference between right and wrong and good sportsmanship, while also helping to advance their reading capabilities as well as hand-eye coordination skills. and as long as people don't leave it up to the video game market and the ratings to decide what's appropriate for their kids, then parents really have little to worry about.

[RD]

Video games scare me. My two daughters have no Gameboys or Playstations. And maybe it's a "girl thing", but they've never asked for them. They have friends who are equipped, but they know not to bother asking us. We have a TV in the family room, but I monitor it very closely. No cable or satellite ever. It's just how we've chosen to raise them, and I don't think they feel deprived in any way. I know some people think TV is for the illiterate masses, but I have no such disdain for the medium; there's some good stuff on PBS, and we enjoy our favorite shows after the kids are in bed. We recently moved and have found a local station that plays old shows from the 60s and 70s. My kids have just discovered The Brady Bunch, Bewitched (which my husband was not allowed to watch as a kid because of the sorcery), the Andy Griffith show, Batman, etc...and old commercials as well. It's a time warp, but they love it. I do believe that our society has become more violent, sedentary, and complacent because of how we've come to raise our kids on television and video games, and I will do my part of break that cycle. My husband and I have talked about how we may be denying our girls certain skills that playing with video games might provide their generation, but we think that the skills they'll learn by NOT getting sucked into that "lifestyle" will more than compensate for what they may be missing. Like you, we're just trying to do the best we can.

[Ortizzle]

Any kid who can *make* a bow and arrows to trade off for video games... that's a kid I would not worry about too much. You laid a great foundation. I think he will eventually settle in to a less obsessive passion for this. He's probably just over-indulging now because of the novelty. And because all of his friends do it. And because he's eleven years old...

[Lisa]

This probably won't settle your fears about the issue but here's my two cents.

I discovered gaming when I was eighteen. I'm 38 now and still doing it. My husband discovered it when he was around ten or twelve. He's also still doing it. He liked it better than me, apparently because he made a career around computers and it was a good bet gaming was the catalyst for that.

So if your son is a real gamer he may not ever lose interest. However, if he's a real gamer he'll also see a firm line between real world and playing.

[Jenny]

You are so my hero. We have 6 tv's (including one in the car) and they are always on. Cannot escapte them. Sometimes I want to power to go out so I have an excuse for silence.

[Amber]

We do say no X-Box during the week, but he can play on weekends. Kory and he play together, too. Man time. ;)

I find that because he can't play all the time, he wants to play more.We can use it as an insentive during the week, to earn his game time on weekends. When we let him play more,he isn't as into it, unless it is a new game. I also notice that his hand-eye and problem solving is very quick, and he is happy when he figures something out.

I have read a lot about the effects of TV and games on kids. Everything I read shows that the real issue with both of these things, is really WHAT they watch/play, more than the things alone. Too much TV can make kids lazy and fat, so I think we are right to have time boundaries as parents. But MOSTLY we should all be more concerned with the violence they encounter through these mediums. Countless studies now have shown that kids are inoculated to the reality of violence, because of seeing it deplicted over and over. Kids who play and watch violence show measuredly more anti-social beahvior, than kids who only play or watch non-violent shows or games. This is where we should be placing our concern most, it seems. ;)

I have also read that kids who play video games seem to be quicker problem solvers, and better at math. Maybe that is my problem! I never liked games. LOL. If your guy is in this phase, he probably needs that kind of mental challenge for problem solving. I doubt very much it is because he wants to zone out from life, or anything. It just probably turns his brain on in a new way that is good!

So I think placing a limit is good, because too much of anything is not good. But I think it won't hurt him to play more, and he will probably get sick of it on his own faster. I will just always continue to be strict about the game content, even if it makes him "uncool".

:)