Christmas Lessons

As the primary orchestrator of the holidays at our house, there’s always a moment on Christmas Eve as we’re putting the gifts out when I second guess my choices and worry if I’ve done enough, if I’ve done the right thing, if the packages under the tree convey love and thoughtfulness and not blind consumerism. Too much? Not enough? Wrong thing?

Almost as soon as the doubts surface, I sweep them away, telling myself that our family is so blessed by the love and comforts we share, there’s no excuse for having a disappointing holiday.

But this season was a little different. This year my kids wrote letters to Santa. Keep in mind they’re 9 and 11 years old, not the usual age for letters. It’s a practice I’ve never encouraged. Over the years, I’ve tried to convey a trust that good things will appear under the tree, that Christmas isn’t all about getting but giving, and that while it’s natural to get excited and anticipate presents, it’s better not to get wrapped up in the specifics of what will or won’t be there.

But this year, they left Santa lists—carefully put out with cookies on Christmas Eve. And as every parent knows, lists left for Santa have the potential to invite disappointment because for reasons that remain a mystery, not all wishes are granted, not all prayers answered, not all plans fulfilled.

At our house, Santa generally leaves a package or two for the kiddos near their stockings but the majority of gifts come from E and I. Now Mr. A received an item from his list from Santa as well as another gift. E-Grrrl had two packages from Santa, both having to do with fairies, but neither was something she’d asked Santa for. And this left her puzzled and a bit disconcerted. Why didn’t Santa get her the American Girl stuff she asked for? Sure E and I had gotten her two outfits for her American Girl dolls, but Santa hadn’t come through with the rest, and she just didn’t understand. She didn’t sulk or whine, but disappointment was in her face, and a shadow crossed Mr. A’s smile because Santa hadn’t delivered an air-soft rifle as hoped for, though he did come through with a racing game for A’s Game Boy.

And honestly, I had a pain in my chest and a lump in my throat when I saw it. I had to take deep breaths and grab a private moment because no matter what I tell myself (and them) about gratitude and appreciation and the importance of not becoming spoiled and of not measuring happiness in material things, for an instant I just wanted EVERYTHING to be there, every wish granted, every desire fulfilled and waiting under the tree. I didn’t want to be exploring the mystery of Santa or be teaching lessons on the meaning of Christmas.

And almost as quickly as that wave of pain washed over me, it broke and receded. The kids rounded up their opened packages, studied their bounty, settled in front of the fire with their toys, books, and gifts, ate their chocolate and told me in actions and words that they were having a great Christmas.

And me, I’m having a good Christmas too, knowing that together we're all  learning to savor what we have and expect the best from ourselves,  whether we're weathering small disappointments or life's bigger challenges.

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved. www.v-grrrl.com

December 25, 2006

Comments

[Ash]

We had a few moments like that here too. Yesterday Joe saw a toy in the toystore that he really really wanted. He wanted it so much that he screamed the place down. To placate him I said 'maybe Santa will bring it for you.' thinking that, being 4, he might forget.

No such luck. He remembered, and asked his brother to write it on the note to Santa. Then this morning he was bemused when it didn't appear. Poor little guy.

It's hard to draw the line between giving them everything they want and teaching them, in a gentle manner, that disappointment is inevitable. I wish it were easier.

Happy Christmas to you in Belgium. We've just prepared lunch and it will be ready in about an hour and a half. Hope your day is fabulous.

[Neil]

Sounds like there is enough love there for anyone to have any real "disappointment" over not getting a specific gift.

[Mo]

Thank you for writing such an honest post about the troubles with the holiday. It's so hard to break out of the fantasy mode, isn't it? I imagine with young children, young enough to believe in Santa, but old enough to remember and have expectations, it becomes so much harder. Thank you for letting me see through your eyes- and how you got past it.

[littlepurplecow]

What a great post. Similar thoughts danced in my head. Sometimes the greatest joys come from unexpected gifts. Thanks for sharing.

[Amber]

Aww, I know. I said we were not going to go crazy with
"stuff" this year, but then I felt bad at the last moment that it wouldn't be enough. And do you know what the favorite gift was for the day, after all that worry? This silly puddy stuff that makes (really good) farting sounds when you play with it! It was about a buck a can. LOL! The big stuff wasn't missed much.

Your Christmas sounds wonderful, and you have happy kids, so all is good. Merry Christmas, again. ;)

:)

[Mary-LUE]

V,
I am the same way. Every year as I wrap presents and put them under the tree I question if there is enough or the right things under the tree. Sometimes there is disappointment the next day; sometimes they are thrilled. After Christmas, when they are coming off the holiday high and they are crabby or might complain, then I wish I'd taken them to a homeless shelter and not bought any presents!