Things That Make Me Go "Hmmmm...."

1. On a tag attached to a $50 purse manufactured by Esprit:

This item is made of fake nubuk. If it gets wet, the color may transfer to textiles. This is not considered a grounds for complaint.

Translation: You’re spending $50 on a fake leather purse that will stain your clothes the first time you get caught in the rain. Hey Stupid, don't make me say you weren't warned.

2. Belgians love frites ( fries) and potato chips. The snack aisles in the grocery stores are full of every imaginable variety of potato chips--BBQ, paprika, dill pickle, vinegar, onion, sour cream—but even in the biggest super stores, you can’t buy a bag of pretzels in any shape or form.

3. Printed on the back of a bag of sugar-free Jelly Bellies:

“Warning—consumption may cause stomach discomfort and/or laxative effect.”

Translation: This candy will make you fart—or worse. Do not consume before long car rides, job interviews, dates, or a visit to the gym.

These are not sold in Belgian stores but they are sold at the American Embassy. If Americans have an image problem abroad, we can blame it on the (jelly) beans.

4. An ad seen almost daily on my Yahoo home page proclaims:

“You can live and work in the U.S.A!”? (Well, DUH! Been there, done that!)

“You’ve been pre-approved to participate in the U.S. Government Green Card Lottery” (U.S. Government Lottery? So what do people have to do—buy a scratch card or pick six? This could be an international money maker!)

“Get a Green Card that lasts a lifetime” (Hey, even my driver’s license is only good for a few years. I think non-citizens are getting a better deal—or they’re dying shortly after arriving in America.)

Being a good American capitalist, I’m investigating whether I can lease my U.S. citizenship to someone else until I move back to America in 2008, just in time to elect a new President.

5. V-Grrrl climbs into bed and realizes E-Man has her favorite pillow. Ever the demure and compliant wife, she hollers, “Hey! You’ve got my pillow! Pillow thief! I don’t know WHY I love you. The outrage! (Sigh) I can see I’m going to have to find myself a new husband.”

E-Man replies without looking up from his book: “Good luck.”

Comments

[Shirley Braden]

Oh, I can so relate to the pillow issue. I used to put different colored pillow cases on the pillows just to clearly indicate which one was mine--I'd even go for pink and purple cases on mine just to keep him away. LOL Then I ended up buying two Comfort foam pillows a while back. DH didn't like his, but I love mine (seems weird at first, but it really does support your head and neck well and give you a good night's sleep). So now the really good thing is that he never steals my pillow; however, inexplicably, every couple of nights, my pillow is flipped over, and you can't sleep on the wrong side of a comfort foam pillow. DH says he has no clue how that happens!??? I have learned to check my pillow before I lie down. Strange ... But, yeah, I still love him! Anyway, I can relate ... pillows are important!

Regarding pretzels, I thought the big old hard pretzels started in Europe ... that is very odd!

Things that make you go hmmmm are usually either very amusing or very frustrating. Have a good weekend!

[amber]

hehehe.

I still come by for a read, but I can never post here. I bet this won't work either. :(

[amber]

Wow! It worked! :)

[Debbie]

When we were in Bruges we were all excited to try the frites. I mean, they must be something different than American French Fries since they make such a big fucking deal about them. They were just regular fries. They did offer mayonnaise and not just ketchup. Whoop-de-do.

[V-Grrrl]

Shirley--I have two pillows. A thermapedic for my head and a big fluffy one to support my arms and knees. I put different pillow cases on mine as well. Don't mess with my pillows!

Amber---YEAH! Good to hear from you again!

Debbie--Worst frites I had in Belgium were in Brugges. Some Belgians use frozen ones just like in the States and yeah, other than the choice of sauces, it's no big deal. But a real Belgian frites place cuts its frites from fresh potatoes and those are worth waiting for (they take forever to prepare) and worth every greasy calorie.

[Flubberwinkle]

:-D
E-man's punch line was great!

[Dan]

What makes me go Hmmmm... is reading the ingredients of a new Herseys white chocolate with almonds and seeing the abbreviation PMPH, and wondering what the hell that is.

[Brooke]

The pillow issue is VERY big to me as well, He better NOT be stealing the favorite!

[Denice]

I'd marry ya...if it were legal back here that is....who needs a husband when you could have a wife!!!!