Oscar Winners and Losers

Did I watch the Oscars? Of course not. Do I have something to say about them? Of course I do. Since I never get to see the movies until they’re released on DVD, the Oscars for me are all about fashion. So here’s my expert commentary on the red carpet winners and losers. (Check out the photo gallery at Yahoo.)

Keira Knightley deserves an award for best hair and makeup. The smoky dramatic eyes, the subtle cheeks and lips, and the loose ponytail were just perfect for her. The burgundy over one shoulder dress by Vera Wang was just OK. The sapphire, emerald and ruby necklace was pure glamour.

Karolina Kurkova should earn top honor for her GLOW. With her shiny hair, luminous makeup, radiant smile, and shimmery gown, she was as golden as Oscar himself.

Jen Aniston needs a new hair style. The long, flat, center-parted and hanging-in-your-face look doesn’t belong at the Oscars. It’s too homeroom. Liked her gown though. It managed to be formal and yet channel a subtle bohemian vibe.

Jane Seymour in her cream-colored, body hugging satin dress—Hon, those sorts of gowns are so unforgiving. After a certain point in life, you need to leave them for someone else to wear. Really.

Uma Thurman had a great gown and bad makeup. She looked like she had pink eye.

Rachel Weisz earns kudos for the best updo. That loosely French braided style was perfect with her profile, classic and not uptight.

JLo’s kiwi green gown was a welcome dose of color, sexy and elegant. Thumbs up. It’s a relief that JLo has abandoned her skanky Jersey girl dresses. I think Mariah Carey bought them all at a Beverly Hills garage sale and has co-opted the look.

Michelle Williams gown, the color of French’s yellow mustard, initially made me cringe. But the more I studied it, the more I liked it. She even managed to pull off the red lipstick with it.

Not so Jane Russell, who must be in her 80s. Lord, someone should have sent her back into the dressing room to wipe off the red clown lips—heinous.

And Lisa Rinna’s lips look like pink slugs on steroids. No more collagen injections—please.

Charlize Theron’s dress looked like something out of the Star Wars costume closet. There she is, queen of the not-too-dark side.  It was like she'd been wrapped in a piece of charcoal ribbon and tied up like a package.

Nicole Kidman looks like a ghost of her former self. Too thin, too pale, too blonde, too beige, too much botox—she looks lifeless.

Comments anyone?

Comments

[TB]

I. Totally. Agree. Charlise Theron's dress looked like something I would have dressed my Barbie in back in the day. You know it's bad when Jeff even comments on it. He's usually oblivious to fashion, but every time she appeared on screen, he would say something about her dress.

[Debbie]

I thought Jessica Alba looked great and I loved her hair. Totally agree on the Nicole Kidman look. And Jennifer Anniston. Why didn't she at least wear her hair up? Michelle Williams - way too much lipstick. My 13 year old even commented. And he's a boy. They don't noticed anything. Like that my eyes have reacted to something and were grossly swollen when I woke up this morning. Nope, didn't even notice but he noticed that lipstick.

[Shell]

I didn't watch them either (no TV, like you) but I have seen some of the pics and I agree with everything you've said (especially the Nicole Kidman bit).

That aside, I want to say that my expectation when I visit your blog is a sweeping epic of an essay. To be moved to laughter or tears. Kind of like what I expect out of a deep and exploratory Oprah episode. So when you do a light-hearted fashion post (or in Oprah's case, a make over show) it seems so timely and so fun! You have such RANGE, V-Grrrl! Please, keep surprising us. I love it.

[Brooke]

Right there with ya' girlfriend! I just wrote all about that very thing!

[Flubberwinkle]

If I could (meaning if I had cable TV), I would (watch the Oscars). But I -like most common folk- just got the headlines via news announcements on TV and radio stations. Now, I'm at work, cuddling a fresh cup of coffee and getting the low down on the Oscars' Red Carpet.

Rachel Weisz is a classic English Rose and two thumbs up (I'd give her more thumbs if I had any) for her overall appearance. Loved her gown ('tho a tad look-alike from the Pride and Prejudice costume rack), her hair do was to die for and I loved the understated use of small earrings and au natural makeup. Yeah Rachel!

Reese was adorable. Not too overdone not too underdone. Dressed like an Oscar winner.

Charlize. It takes guts and an attitude to pull off the gown she had chosen. I liked it on her. It was so Hollywood.

Michelle Williams was incredible. Sure the color knocked me back, but I'd rather a young, fresh face wear the marigold gown than someone else. The choice of color showed that she really wanted to live the Oscars and make a statement. I give her the Flubberwinkle seal of approval!

Hullo! What was Felicity Huffman thinking?

Jessica Alba was a knock out!

Yes, I agree Jennifer Aniston must rethink her all "Rachel from Friends" hair do. Change is good Jen.

Hillary Swank and Ziyi Zhang sported elegant, femine gowns.

And last but not least: Loved Tim Burton's outfit. Classic Tim.
:-)