Life in the slow lane
April 25, 2006 at 9:36 E-Grrrl is playing softball and while she practices at the school, I walk on the track. Last week when I stepped onto it for the first time, I was beyond impressed. It was perfection--a brightly marked red oval of shock-absorbing material. It reminded me of all the spring afternoons I spent working out during track season.
My pal Low Maintenance Grrrl and I were co-captains of our high school track team. She ran middle distance and the mile, and I ran the mile and two mile. We wore ill fitting dorky uniforms, froze at the beginning of the season and cooked at the end, got nervous before meets, rubbed Tiger Balm into our sore calves, complained about our shin splints and won a lot of races cheering each other on.
Low Maintenance Grrrl was a remarkable athlete, strong and sure and able to play a variety of team sports successfully. Me, I was skinny, not especially coordinated, but I was a decent runner by sheer strength of will. I was helped along by a serious set of long distance legs.
Our track team in rural Virginia won the district championships every year I was a member of the team. As I recall, we never lost a meet. The miracle of our success is that we didn’t even have a track. Yes, you read that right—we had a championship team but not a track. Not even have a cinder track, let alone one as beautiful and high-tech as the one at my children’s school. No, Low Maintenance Grrrl and I trained by running around a bumpy grass field, the distances marked by our coach. We never had a home meet, all our competitions were away.
I kept running long after my high school years, but I stopped competing. Around the time I was 30, my doctor suggested I pursue other types of exercise because running was too hard on my back. I gave it up reluctantly, and while it’s been years since I’ve run, I still miss it. When I stepped onto the track last week to walk, every fiber in my being wanted to run. Instead I dutifully took my place in a lane and started circling the practice field like a dog on a leash.
Before my health problems started to take their toll, I was known as a fast walker. I can’t tell you how many times my college friends begged me to slow down because even when I was just walking across campus, I had a tendency to shift into high gear. When I was a youth group leader, E and I would lead hikes and I regularly left kids half my age in the dust.
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Last week I started walking on the track at what I thought was a good pace, and I found myself consistently being passed by other walkers. Let me tell you, this was beyond depressing.
When I developed cardiac problems a few years ago, I was shocked. I’d always been an exerciser. All my stats were awesome—I had very low blood pressure, remarkably low cholesterol. But for reasons that can’t be explained, I developed a heart arrhythmia. I have to take medication twice a day to keep my heart beating regularly. The meds actually slow my heart rate down and in the process, have slowed my whole life down.
Mentally, life in the slow lane is hard for me to take. I used to have a lot more energy and stamina. When I realize I’m being passed on the track, my long buried competitive streak surfaces and all I want to do is pull ahead.
“I will not be passed! I own the inside lane! I’m going to kick your ass. I’m going to leave you huffing and puffing behind me.” Yeah, in my wildest dreams.
Since I’m not the Grrrl I used to be, I silence the voices in my head, swallow my pride and try not to feel old when someone flies by me on the right and effortlessly scoots ahead.
OK, I didn't bank on having to downshift so much in my 40s. Still, I’m happy that despite leaving my running days far behind, I continue to move forward and keep my own pace. I may be slow, but I’m determined not to spend my life on the sofa, even if it means getting used to occupying the outside lane.
Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.
April 25, 2006
Midlife
Reader Comments (9)
Note from V-Grrrl:
Shirl Grrrl, I think you did manage to attend meets when they were held at the local military college. How GENEROUS and unselfish of you to cheer us on while completely ignoring all those cute cadets sunbathing on the guest bleachers, affectionately known as "LA Beach." I know, I know, you were only over there looking for E for me. Uh-huh. I hear you, grrrlfriend. ; )
I am only in my early thirtys, but I can relate to your feelings here. (we seem to have somethings in common with our bodies). I have always had low energy levels. Always tired out before other people my age. I also have a very low blood pressure, and now I wonder is the the cause? Although I have asked, doctors never seem to hear me when I ask them why I feel this way all the time. :(
:)
Mike on the Bottom has had a lot of success using fish oil and B-vitamin supplements to treat his depression. He told me his energy levels dramatically improved as well as his mood. I've been trying that and I have seen some improvement.
If you haven't had blood work done in a while, request it. It's not expensive and it provides a lot of info. All sorts of things can cause low energy and fatigue, including anemia, thyroid problems,and depression.
And of course, being a mom to two young ones is really tiring, no matter how much you love doing it. It may be that you're tired because your job is wearing you out. ; )
Kudos for taking as good of care of yourself as you do, even with the medical obstacles.
:-)
Every spring I get the urge to run track again. But, the urge passes and I’m happy to just go hiking. It’s amazing that when you are hiking no one seems to notice your speed. I always love it when I see an older couple (much older than we are) still out hiking - it just makes me smile. I don’t give a hoot how fast they are going and I know they feel the same way about my pace..