Thanks but I've had enough...

Of summer that is.

I’ve been with my kids 24/7 since June 10.

They had one week of day camp that didn’t turn out well (for them) and so the two subsequent weeks of day camp were cancelled. Note to self: no matter how many snotty obnoxious kids and stressed staff members there are at camp next year, the kids are going. Period.  E thinks it’s expensive but to me it's  worth it. No, it's more than worth it--it's necessary.

I haven’t been alone with E all summer. Actually, I haven’t been alone with E since February. If my memory serves me right, that’s the last time we were able to find a sitter. He’s in the middle of a two-week trip right now. Gone is the last adult voice in my life.

I have not been out alone with a woman friend, or gone shopping, eaten out, or exercised by myself since May.  I feel like a little engine pulling a long, long train everywhere I go, with kids chatter clickety-clacking in my brain at all times.

I love my kids, and they’ve been great this summer—no exaggeration. They’re smart, creative, and often a lot of fun to be around, but I am completely burnt out with all our togetherness.

We’ve done art projects, cooked, gone to the library, read together, visited castles, windmills, caverns, museums, playgrounds, pools, and zoos. They’ve been kayaking, biking, hiking, and skiing. There have been countless play dates and ice cream cones and hamburgers and all that jazz. In short, they’ve had a good summer. It was a good summer for me too until the second week in August when they began to get bored, and the days started to string together in desperation. After the heat wave broke records in July, August has turned out to be cool and rainy, possibly the wettest August on record. This doesn’t help with cabin fever.

Every morning when I wake up, E-Grrrl ask “What are we going to do today?” and Mr. A asks “What’s for breakfast?” and I have to take a deep breath to keep from snapping. I’m beyond tired of planning days for them and trying to carve out moments of sanity for myself. I’ve been staying up later and later just trying to grab some private space in the day and recharge. Sometimes that means sitting at the computer and having a good cry, other nights I plug in a DVD and veg in front of the TV, and all the while I feel guilty for not coping better with the every day demands of my life which, all things considered, aren't much. 

Still I'm counting the days--counting the days until I can breathe again.

One more week.

August 20, 2006

Comments

[Elisabeth]

I feel your pain. I lived with an "absentee husband" for years, which left me in the situation of the quasi single parent of our daughter. Since I was in graduate school then, I had summers off, and was with her 24/7 (at the time, she also suffered from fairly severe separation anxiety, so such activities as camp or playdates with friends were out of the question - it got better with time, though, and she is now the most social and outgoing young adult I know.) I went through weeks and months when I had no adult contact whatsoever, except with said absentee husband, with whom I had a rather tense relationship.

I agree that summers are really tough for "stay at home" moms. Well, at least you know that next week spells "relief" for you.

I'm just curious here, but is there anyway that you can figure out how to carve out time with E., time alone, and time to be with friends? Or is it just too difficult to find a decent babysitter where you live?

[V-Grrrl]

The big problem in the summer is that the expat community disappears--along with most of the locals. Many expat moms and kids go back to the States for the summer, those that stay behind often end up traveling in Europe or hosting relatives from the U.S. (or both!). And because the English-speaking population here is mostly transient, there's a lot of turnover among the people we get to know--adults, kids, and babysitters.

The school year is busy--but it's easier to find time for myself and for E. Sometimes he just takes a day off while the kids are in school so we don't have to worry about finding a babysitter--there's a limited pool of English-speaking babysitters, and like most teens, they're involved in a lot themselves and don't have much free time.

[mamatulip]

I completely understand on the whole being burned out by the 'togetherness'...I hope you get some alone time -- for yourself and with E -- soon.

[amber]

Don't feel guilty. I was feeling the same way! And then I felt guilty that Wyatt would be away from me so much of the day, and we had this crappy summer. (I am new to the school thing.) But then he had his fist week, and I realized I wasn't half as grumpy at him. I might be a better mom now. I didn't realize how I was going crazy after being locked up with the kids all hot freaking summer long.

I can only imagine how hard it can get for you when the hubs goes away, leaving you with the kids in another country. I said I wanted to do that if we got the chance, but maybe not!

:)

[V-Grrrl]

Yeah Amber, we never think that maybe the kids are tired of being cooped up with us 24/7! If they could, they'd be e-mailing their friends about the pain of too much "Mommy Time" and how Mommy has separation anxiety and won't leave them with a sitter. ; )

[Char]

I am right there with you V (as I hear bickering in the background between two very sassy little girls)! We have definitely had too much togetherness. The big kids go back to school on Wednesday but I will still have Miss N here until after labor day and then I only get half a day because she has one more year of preschool to go!

I have made many mental notes about this summer - all of which I'll forget before next summer.

Like the Staples commercial goes, "It's the most wonderful time of the year..."

[Flubberwinkle]

Hang in there V!
[:-)

[Nancy]

Hang in there. And please don't feel guilty. I think those feelings are a normal and natural part of being a mom.

One more week!

[TB]

I know it must be especially hard when E is in the US without you. Hang in there V.

[Annie]

Being with anyone 24/7 for that many weeks is enough to wear anyone down. This is why there are prison riots. They just can't stand one another any more. It is especially hard when teh folks you are with are so dependent upon you for all of their direction. I'm sure all moods will improve with the outside stimulation of school and friends.

I;m with you on babysitters and time alone with hubby. We had a babysitter last month for my birthday and that was the last time we were alone. Before that it had been easily two months since we had a "date night". It's tricky. I hope you can find someone reliable with the new school year.

[Javacurls]

It was so nice to read your post this evening. Even though I only have one child and he is much younger than your children I can completely relate.

While my husband has been settling into Belgium we've been living with my parents in a retirement community. Which means there are absolutely no children for my son to play with. I am his sole playmate... 24/7 for the past 3 weeks now. It's tough especially since we're not in our own home. I too stay up into the wee hours of the night so I can have some alone time. On top of that I'm PMSing! Not pretty. LOL!!

So hang in there!

[wordgirl]

I saw on someone else's blog the term "it's the bell of freedom" (taken from the song "If I had a hammer". They were referring to the school bell summoning all good little children back to the classroom. Despite the stacks of forms and checks that must be written, the new uniform policies (more shirts! different pants!), and the hundreds of volunteer opportunities, I gotta say I'm okay with it. I did not have to organize my kids this summer, because I'm guessing they're older than yours. Still, they were either gone or leaving to go someplace. I spent a lot of the summer alone..which also gets old in its own way. I'll be glad to get back to yoga.

[Jenny]

Burnt out with togetherness. It's a sad state of affairs but one I can absolutley relate to. We all need a little alone time every now and then.

[Tonya]

I hear ya - only I have a long time to go til school. My baby is only 5 months old, but sometimes I just want her off of me. I've been dreaming of going out for a run by myself. And, my husband is leaving for 10 days, we've only been here about a month, and I know no one with other kids! (I met a bunch of American mom's the first week I was here - where did they go????)
Hang in there!