Christmas is over, time to get moving

Christmas is over and as the grey days stretch into dark nights, E and I are working to get ready for our move. In mid-January, our lives will be tucked into boxes and crates, covered with shrink wrap, and begin their journey toward America. We’ll catch up with our belongings in mid-March when a gigantic truck parks in front of our new house.

E spent part of an afternoon trying on clothes, releasing hopes of fitting into old pants, and assembling a big bag of giveaways. He’s been winnowing through his stash of tools and household chemicals in the garage. He dedicated the better part of a day to backing up our hard drive and removing excess files and programs. The filing cabinets and desk drawers are next to be purged.

Some neighbors stopped by to look through our giveaway piles. It was sad to see our croquet set go. We’ve had a lot of fun as a family playing croquet in the yard here, but our new home sits on a wooded lot with every inch of land near the house landscaped with beds and greenery. No grass. No croquet.

I have toys set aside for the Wee Curly Grrrl at Di’s, clothes set aside for charity, games set aside for an orphanage, books stacked up for the Boy Scout book sale, and electrical appliances and accessories set aside for Expat-CIT who will arrive here in January. I’ve been unpacking items that are currently packed in boxes so the movers can put them in sturdy new boxes. I have mountains of Tupperware, stacks of dishes, and enough mugs to serve coffee to the whole neighborhood—and this is after getting rid of some stuff earlier this fall.

Still despite all the evidence that our life here is ending and change is in the air, the reality hasn’t hit me yet. E is engaged mentally with the move on a dozen levels but my brain is processing information in slow motion. While he’s enjoyed his time here, he is eager to assume new responsibilities in his job near D.C. and put the bureaucracy he’s struggled with in Belgium behind him. My feelings are decidedly mixed. I look ahead to our new life and home with excitement AND trepidation. I’m eager to see old friends and be closer to family, there are places and things that I’ve missed, but I also live in fear of being smothered by an “ordinary” life in Virginia.

Being an expat has sometimes been frustrating or lonely, but it’s continually challenged me to think differently, live differently, experience the world from an entirely new perspective. I re-invented my life in Belgium, started this blog, discovered so much about myself, and thrived on being part of a diverse community while seeing Europe as both an outsider and as an insider. It’s been liberating to shake off all the expectations I had for myself and that others had for me and start over, to step outside my comfort zone and stretch my limits.

I don’t want to move back to Virginia and slip mindlessly into old routines and ways of thinking. I want to dwell in possibility and see my life and my self as works in progress. I don’t want anyone to chart a course for me. I want to travel through life without an itinerary. At this stage in my journey, I need to believe that I’m not done surprising myself, discovering new interests and talents, making new friends, embracing challenges, and finding new sources of wisdom and strength.

December 26, 2007

Comments

[furiousball]

i can't wait to read about the re-americanization of V

[Claudia]

“A mind not to be changed by place or time, the mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.”

~ John Milton

I have faith in you V. - you will find magick in Virginia just as you found magick in Belgium. It's all about discovering the undiscovered.

Besides, you'll be closer to me. Now I can come over and stalk you some weekend. * giggles *

[platypus]

Merry Christmas to you and yours, V-Grrl. I know you'll adjust well to the change and I am looking forward to making the journey with you and hearing all about it. Here's to a good year.

[Nance]

How very astonishing to read of all the imminent preparation. I would be paralyzed by the things you so methodically discuss here. Like all your devotees, I avidly await each new installment of your adventure.

Do I see you "slipping mindlessly" into ANYTHING? Oh, heavens no. You, my dear, could never do anything mindlessly, and I think we are the type of women who have given up slipping. At this stage of the game, we shall create ripples, most determinedly.

[Kelby]

Oh, AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!! Praying for you, V, and still practicing that "I told you so". :)

[Peter]

You know V, when I came back to Antwerp, I was truly convinced that I would be discovering a new, exciting blank page, full with opportunities and new challenges. But soon I was going through a very familiar 'back in Belgium' routine.

I'm sure your return back home to the US will be different: being able to work again obviously offers a wealth of new choices. I'd be thrilled!

[Shirley]

I think most of us suffer with this issue a bit wherever we are or whatever situation we are in at the time. Even in Belgium, haven't you sometimes fought getting into a pattern and not wanting to venture out of it? The key for all of us (and certainly I am always trying to tell myself this) is to take ACTION ... not just to think about things and how we want them to be, but to do them. I don't act often enough ... I think about taking action more often than I actually act, but I've improved greatly the last year especially ... stepping outside my comfort zone to challenge myself and achieve new goals. Looking ahead and making future plans and commitments has helped me in that regard ... it's not mapping out an itinerary really because often I don't know how I am going to reach that far off goal, but somehow the steps happen and I get there. And, traveling and purposely introducing myself to others has brought me incredible experiences and friendships. Talking about it any more will seem cliche, but I am certain the way you've learned to open yourself up in Belgium to so many folks and so many cultures will just continue when you return to the U.S. We may not be as diverse as Europe, but we are far more diverse than we used to be and that is a good thing.

I truly believe that you will be fine back here in the U.S. You will perhaps re-establish some old routines and comfort zones, but you are so set on new experiences and such that you will make them happen ... easily. And the rewards for taking action will be there for you.

[mamatulip]

You are not done surprising yourself, V. I know that and I think, deep down there somewhere, you do too. Really know that, I mean.

All the best to you in the new year. May it be a year of love, laughter, continuing self-discovery and...surprises.

[Tonya]

You know another good thing about VA? TRADER JOES!!!!!
Oh, how I miss my Masala Simmer Sauce. : (

[Manictastic]

You won't have a nice city center close where you can wander in, nor have the excellent one hour and you can be anywhere in the country experience anymore, but you will have the all the other benefits of living in America, having space, having huge landscapes, having friendly people who speak the same language, etc.

It's different, but if you are willing to integrate, you'll fit right in in your home country.:P

[V-Grrrl]

Yes, Manic, maybe I can take some Integration Classes and learn how to be an American again. America should take a cue from Belgium in that department. : P

[Ortizzle]

Are you done surprising yourself? Never. You have probably only just begun.

Good luck with the move back. (I have still not forgotten what it was like to come back here nine years ago, with twenty-odd years and thirty-odd boxes in my wake.)

So anyway, keep your eyes focused on the adventure of it all. We shall eagerly await your travel epistles.

[Amber]

I can't believe your move is coming up so soon! Eeekk!

I have a hard time thinking that you ever COULD be who you were before. I mean, this experience was life-changing, and you-changing, don't you think? I look forward to reading about your new life in your new place.

Happy New year!

:)