Monday morning

True confessions: I neglected my children this weekend. I did not do my motherly duty. I took them out to lunch, to the mall, on a walk, and out to dinner. I bought them clothes, toys, and candy. I let them spend hours on the computer, laughed at their jokes, listened to their stories, and offered advice on their problems. What I didn’t do was nag, harass, yell, and threaten them. What the hell was I thinking?

Now it’s Monday morning and all the weekend’s good times have morphed into random acts of badness for me. Without my constant “encouragement,” no one cleaned up after themselves all weekend (except E). The kids didn’t even put away the laundry that I sorted, washed, dried, and folded for them, stacking it neatly in their his and hers laundry baskets to be transferred smoothly to their drawers. They ignored my requests to stash it away and now the baskets have been dug through and everything unfolded because “I have no socks/pants/shirts to wear in my drawer!!!!” Well, DUH!

And everything my son wore over the weekend? It was draped, sprawled, and balled up on various surfaces in his room. When I gathered it up, I realized how filthy the floor was beneath the drifts of clothes. Scattered over the dirt, dust, and cat litter are plastic beebees, suction cup darts, rubber bullets and an arsenal of Nerf guns. This isn’t a bedroom, it’s the secret hideout of a budding elementary school dictator. Do as he says or risk a foam pellet between the eyes!

Across the hall in my daughter’s room, everything is sweetness and light. A rainbow pastel net canopy drapes over her neatly made bed. On the floor is a sweet pink braided rug and her stuffed animals are lovingly displayed on her trunk. Her dresser is covered with enough hair accessories, jewelry, and kiddie makeup to beautify a stadium full of Hillary Duff fans. Look at this room and you’d never suspect its inhabitant is an even bigger slob than her brother.

This is because she has applied computer lessons in dragging and dropping to her home environment, i.e. all her stuff is dragged out of her room and dropped elsewhere. There are stuffed animals on my desk and on the living room floor; art supplies all over the kitchen; slippers in her brother’s room; dolls in the TV room; ponytail holders on every level; purses stacked on the windowsills; cards and game pieces scattered on the carpet; books on the sofa, floor, recliner, and kitchen table; and the contents of her backpack in the foyer. Her room is clean because she has re-located her messes to communal areas of the house believing that if your messes are spread far and wide, maybe no one will notice the depth and breadth of your nasty ways. She may go into politics one day.

And meanwhile because the washing machine didn’t chug all weekend, the hamper is overflowing again and E’s wrinkled dress shirts hang from the basement pipes, sending an SOS to the iron. On the main floor, my stamping stuff is all pulled out waiting for my next project, some of yesterday’s grocery shopping bags have yet to be emptied, and the bathrooms are whispering “Clean me” while V-Grrrl is whispering, “Save me!”

SAHM stands for stay-at-home mom? I don’t think so. SAHM really stands for stay-at-home MAID.

February 5, 2007

Copyright 2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle. All rights reserved.

Comments

[RD]

I keep telling my kids that our house doesn't come with a maid. If I keep saying it, I might believe it myself.

[V-Grrrl]

RD,

If you find a house that comes with a maid, let me know!

[javacurls]

What do you mean the dragging and dropping method isn't an actual housekeeping technique?! I'm the queen of the "drag & drop" method! lol!! Love how you gave my method of housekeeping an actual name! My husband always comments on how I have little neat piles of things scattered all over the house. I think it's a rather cleaver way of cleaning if I don't say so myself. ;)

[Char]

I'm sure this is how your son sees his room:

http://www.its-not-about-your-stuff.com/2007/02/the_perfect_mes.html

It's how I see my office most days.

[furiousBall]

there was a college roommate of mine that had this massive pile of laundry, it was every where. finally i said do your laundry or i'm going to start throwing out your clothes. that night i came back to my room and he had the lights down with candles lit. he said, "oh good you're here - it's time for the ceremony"

"ceremony?"

i then noticed he and his girlfriend were wearing black sheets tied around their heads and were extremely under the influence of something that gave them this great idea. in the middle of the room stood Mt. DirtyLaundry he then waved an empty paper towel roll and said "A la peanut butter and jelly sandwiches".

And then he started folding his clothes and putting them away...

[V-Grrrl]

If only I had a magic paper towel roll--or a stun gun--the laundry would get put away. :D

[Tonya]

I hate the folding and putting away part the most. I hate that "I" am the dishwasher here. I miss a dishwasher a LOT! But, at least there is lots of wine here. : )

[wordgirl]

If your criterion for "good mother" is nagging, yelling, making kids mad or so sad that they cry, enumerate their faults and rag on them about their attitudes...then YES, my friend....I was a VERY GOOD MOTHER this weekend.

And I feel like crap.

[Annie]

My son is still young enough that all of this still has to be my job. I try not to think about the fact that it'll be my job until he moves out...

I find the best way to get my husband to help clean is to invite our friends over. He would be mortified if they saw our typical piles of stuff all over the house.

[Shirley]

I admit my son is 19 and away at college soon to be living in an apartment, but for those with still young ones, I have heard raves over this website www.housefairy.org. It sounds too good to be true ... claims no arguing, no yelliing, etc., but you might want to check it out. I know I did the "good mother" thing and hated myself most of the time. Loved the "drag and drop" analogy, V, and the "ceremony" story, furious. Annie, I find the having a party or open house method extremely effective to get lots of procrastinated chores done!

[Shirley]

Whoops, it's just http://housefairy.org. (I have no affiliation if you are wondering.)

[Tera]

Oh wow, do I know where you're coming from! I just can't do it alone after a weekend anymore...so, I started having my husband give me one job each day that he sees needs done. So, each morning I don't have to look around me totally overwhelmed, but can just focus on that one thing...simple! :-) I know, sounds ridiculous, but it works for me...and the more I yell at my kids, the less that gets done around here...at least when I don't ask, I know it'll get done by someone...ME! Argh!

[Nance]

sigh. I wish I could tell everyone that it gets better/different when they get older. My boys are 18 & 21. They are wonderful human beings in so many ways, but the truth is, their tolerance for clutter/messiness is just way, way higher than mine. Their junk on the steps going up to their shared second-story room constantly flows like lava into the hallway and they never notice it. They step over and around it and don't even *think* to carry one object up with them each time they go upstairs. I know they hate the sound of my nagging, but it does not deter them. They wait to hear it before they act. Some days the battle is worth it; most days it isn't.

[mamatulip]

The last sentence of this post sums up nicely *exactly* how I felt yesterday.

[amber]

No CRAP!! It is just never never never ending!! This is why I feel like all I do is bitch at everyone all th etime. That is al lI do. Bitch, and pick up stuff, and go to sleep and then start all over th enext day.

At least I know it's not just me.

:)