While my keyboard silently weeps...

Hey Y'all,

I'm tired of writing serious posts about the sad state of the world and crazy people and guns and politiicians and mental health funding and social problems and all that. I'm not cut out for carrying the world on my shoulders. People, I have a bad back!

I just want to return to my happy place in the enchanted forest. Check out my photo album and you'll see how happy a place my happy place is. It is THE happiest place ever, y'all. Look at this photo and imagine being there.

Peaceful. peaceful. peaceful.

Happy, happy, happy.

But I'm not happy.

I'm not happy cause E, in  a fit of virtual housekeeping, deleted Microsoft Word by accident.

I know, I know. How do you delete Microsoft Word by accident?!!! How? How? HOW?

Well it had something to do with the date on the program file and him thinking this was an OLD version of Microsoft Word not our ONLY FREAKIN COPY OF MICROSOFT WORD.

I'm struggling to remain calm, even though I'm a WRITER and how am I supposed to live without Word recording my words?

I was all forgiving and sweet this morning when he confessed to the results of his dirty digital cleanup because I thought it would not be a problem to undo and restore the files.

I was wrong. All that niceness was wasted.

I go to Microsoft.com thinking, "I've been wanting to get Office 2007 anyway. No problem, I'll just get it right here, right now."

But oh no, I was WRONG. I can't order straight from Microsoft and download it immediately. No, I have to make a purchase from a Microsoft retailer.

Hello! Bill Gates! I'd just like to tell you that dropping in at CompUSA, Best Buy, or Staples is not a freakin option for me. Not, not, NOT!

(Stamps foot for emphasis.)

FINE. I will order it online and have it shipped.

FINE. I will try to live and breathe and carry on without word processing software for at least a week while waiting for a package from the U.S.

(Pauses briefly to breathe into a paper bag and stem finger-tingling hyperventilation symptoms).

There now--all I have left is anxiety.

(Debates popping an extra Zoloft while wishing for a Xanax. )

SIGH.

OK, I'm back. Where was I?

Oh yeah, I was at the part where I was going to order Microsoft Office from Best Buy. And it wouldn't let me put my APO address into the order fields. So I get online Help, follow the directions exactly, and it rejects my address over and over and over again until I want to thrust a fist through the monitor and grab a real person in Cyberland and tell them to send me the software NOW. I need the software!!!!

I'm just not up for this crap because, people. I'm now in hour two of life without word processing, and I'm not feelin so good. I mean for a writer this is like breathing thin air. This is like having my ventilator switched off. This is like a kink in my IV. This is like an office visit from Dr. Kevorkian.  I'm not handling this well!!!

(Pauses to breathe into paper bag again. Wonders whether a copy of Microsoft Office purchased in Belgium will run on American PC. Hyperventilates again.)

Did y'all know Europe has its own digital format to prevent digital piracy? Yeah. Their CDs and DVDs can't be read by my computer, TV, boombox, or DVD player. What about their software? I don't know.

(Pauses to weep softly over FREAKIN INTERNATIONAL DIGITAL PIRACY LAWS.)

Don't worry. I'll be fine. I still have a pen and a legal pad.

(Wipes snotty nose on sleeve).

E is leaving for the Netherlands in an hour and will be safe from my wrath and mental instability.

(Note to self: Do not insert flip remark here about how it's a good thing I don't own a gun. That would be in very, very poor taste. The fact that you're even thinking about it shows how far you've fallen. Remember the cardinal rule of Southern Ladies, "Shut up and be gracious!")

Sigh.

Til later.

Yours til the pen runs dry--while my keyboard silently weeps,

V-Grrrl

April 24, 2007

Comments

[Brooke]

Yeah, someone would be in some serious pain had this happened at our house,

You're a saint. :)

[Shirley]

Can you use Notepad in the interim? I know it's not much, but it's better than nothing. Any type of computer-related glitch (self-induced or not) definitely throws a kink in the day. You might do a Google search, too, on getting Word quickly in Europe. I am constantly amazed at the information I can get using Google. People post all kinds of problems and solutions online. Good luck!

[wordgirl]

Had E deleted the program on purpose in a fit of anger then at least you could get really, really upset and go all Shirley MacLaine on him. But when someone does it accidentally-on-purpose with the best of intentions it's hard to just go crazy over it. And yet...I'm shedding a tear right along with you. So frustrating.

[furiousBall]

My day job would make me so much happier if you could delete Lotus Notes and the entire Office Suite, seriously, do you do consulting?

[Emily]

It only works on certain DVD players, but do a google search on how to break the code and sometimes you will come up with something easy. For example, to de-code our DVD player all you had to do was press eject, 1234, and then play and voila! we can watch zone 1 and 2 DVDs.

[V-Grrrl]

The IT guy in E's office says that software purchased in Europe will work fine. If E orders it through his office, it won't be as expensive as it is on the local economy AND it will arrive in a day or two. But E can't order it until he gets back from the Netherlands....

[Inside Out]

It is horrible to have a Monday on a Tuesday...I/O

[Flubberwinkle]

May I offer you a tissue and some techie advice?

There's always trusty, ole, bare essentials Word Pad (found in your Start > Accessories menu) to turn to when times are hard (i.e. when husbands make doodoos on PCs).
Or...
You could checkout OpenOffice. It's free, you can download it directly and it works on all operating systems.
The official site: http://www.openoffice.org/
Check out Writer (OpenOffice's Word):
http://www.openoffice.org/product/writer.html

p.s. Your enchanted forest is captivating!

[V-Grrrl]

Thanks Flubberwinkle--IT Goddess of Athens!

[Nance]

You really have been serious for a long time now. I feel quite the airhead in blogdom next to you. Has Belgium's liquor license been revoked????

[TB]

Oh man, I would be crying too. But Shirl is right, there's always Notepad, it's the red headed stepchild, but it'll do in a pinch.

[cinnamon gurl]

Oh... glad to see someone suggested Open Office. That's what we use because the huz has a hate-on for Microsoft's monopoly and he's cheap. Well, ok, I'm cheap too. But Open Office works great.

[Ortizzle]

Oh, gawd, I know just how you feel. But at least you can blog... imagine that happened and your Internet didn't work, either. I would personally go on withdrawal, and probably drink myself into a corner.

Hang in there, V.

[Peter]

Well, "ordering Microsoft Office from Best Buy" while in Belgium would definitely be considered overkill. I assume you live near Brussels: try any large software retailer: Office 2007 (home and student version): 149 EUROs. You can pick the English version (which has both English, US-English and French spell checking) right off the shelf. Hey presto ;-)

BTW: I can relate to the "I'm not cut out for carrying the world on my shoulders" feeling...