Triumph of the grrrls in toy bras
August 9, 2007 at 8:53 I don’t remember how Shirl Grrrl and I became friends. We met in 7th grade when I was the new kid in town, and we both thought N was cute and funny. We shared our disgust when he didn’t sit with us on the bus we rode on one of our field trips. Instead he sat with a dim-witted blonde girl, put his arm around her, and kept edging his hand ever closer to her bodacious ta-tahs. Shirl and I did not have bodacious ta-tahs (not then, not now) and so we were jealous on more than one level. This was our first important life lesson: In middle school (and beyond), boobs would nearly always triumph over brains, a law of nature I've dubbed the Jessica Simpson Effect.
We spent hours on the phone discussing this, N, and other dramas, and we constantly pissed off the people that shared the “party lines” that served our homes in rural Virginia. The party on the party line was always Shirl and me, and sorry, the old biddies down the country road were NOT invited. “I wish they would quit picking up on us! Is somebody listening?”
Shirl is a Southern Grrrl but not a Southern Princess. She totally appreciated my weirdness and got my jokes. I would write over-the-top fiction and poems just for her. My stories featured the adventures of superheros and villains that had names and characteristics that were remarkably similar to our classmates and teachers. Making fun of our lives and situations helped us with all our insecurities and angst.
Shirl Grrrl helped me laugh at the snarky girls in middle school who liked to tease and snub me and roll their eyes when I went by in the hall.
“Well GAWSH!”
“ I NEVAH!”
(Remember AJ and PB, Shirl Grrrl?)
We also bonded over our high school crushes. I still remember Shirl’s delight and confusion in her relationship with a certain tuba player (yes, a TUBA player), her secret longing for hometown honey JLM, and her unrequited love for J, the farmer boy. She saw me through two big high school romances and my bouts of adolescent depression. We hung out at softball and football games, waiting for SOMETHING to happen (not on the playing field, but near the parking lot where the REAL action was.)
We had our inside jokes, secret catch phrases, and bizarre vocabulary: “Everything’s corny!” “Alas, alas!” “That’s so corrupted” “There goes Chicken Lips.” We passed notes, had sleepovers, watched Saturday Night Live together, and studied creative writing in a special school program.
We kept in touch after high school graduation but never lived near one another again. Once when I was visiting my parents in Virginia and Shirl Grrrl was living at home, we made plans to get together in the evening. When we saw each other, we discovered we’d both spent part of that day shopping a Belk’s Department Store AND we had bought the exact same outfits. What made the coincidence even more ludicrous is that I’m 5’7” and Shirl is 4’11” and we’d never been known for dressing alike.
We both swore we’d never have kids and both changed our minds in our mid-30s. As we dealt with the demands of motherhood, we even had the courage to say, “Oh Lord, whose idea was this anyway?”
Shirl re-located from North Carolina to Indianapolis at the same time I crossed the pond and came to Belgium. Together we endured the rigors of moving and starting over and living in small apartments with small kids while waiting to move into houses. She is the one who introduced me to rubber stamping and card making and got me and E-Grrrl hooked on paper crafts.
Yesterday was Shirl Grrrl’s birthday. Now she’s almost as old as I am. We still get depressed together and she still helps me deal with snarky grrrls.
Commenting on a classmate’s recent boob job, Shirl said in her Southern drawl, “Honestly, V, why did she get implants at this point in life? I'd never do it. Where could big boobs possibly take us that we haven’t already been? Think about it!”
Good point.
We’ve been THERE. We’ve done THAT. And we did it all wearing toy bras! Woo hoo!
Happy (belated) Birthday, Shirl! May the titty fairy come in the night and leave you a BIG surprise (John made me say that!).
Yours til the Wonder Bra fits,
V-Grrrl
August 9, 2007
Reader Comments (12)
Of course I remember PB and AJ. What a joy to finally reach high school when we didn't have to take classes with them anymore.... "uh, gosh". Remember my remarkable imitation of AJ belting out Paper Roses? I can still do it after a couple of beers!
I'm drawing a blank on the bodacious blond on the bus though...
Still have all my tuba case notes :-D.
And thank you for the added 1/2 inch in height! Ya'll we are both redheads, too. Mine was always sheared short in school, though.
When I was in Chattanooga, we rode by the Choo-Choo which is now incorporated into a hotel/convention center. All I could think of was a joke you told me once but all I can remember is the punch line "Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?" I wanted to tell the joke so bad but the set up wouldn't come to me... something about Roy Rogers.
At some point I began calling V by her maiden name and conversations always began with "Hey McCabe". My mama still refers to her as such... "Have you heard from McCabe, lately?"
V also educated me in other ways. Until I met her I had never met a Catholic nor anybody from New York! I had moved to VA in 5th grade, so I still remembered what it was like to be the new kid in a very close knit community. All the kids around us had been in the same school in the same classes since 1st grade! I think it was natural that we should strike up a friendship.
It was also because of V that I got my first "U" in deportment... for talking too much in class: what else?! But our very cool teacher gave us that "U" with love, not to punish us but to guide us.
I've rambled on too long but thank you again for the "tribute"!
Someone once gave me a book called, "Small Breasted Women Have Big Hearts" and in V's case, that is oh, so true!
Cheers!
Happy Belated! Even after the little reminder last week I still didn't manage to get a card out to you. Hope you had a wonderful day!
I enjoyed your tribute - I remember lots of laughs and the emotional roller coaster of high school at a very small school.
I still don't know the identity of Chicken Lips but you guys have the wittiest humor
My funniest memories with you involved sitting through Spanish IV with Mr. M and decorating the bulletin boards. I don't think we learned one bit of Spanish that year but the sex education lessons provided by C about his high school sweetheart were priceless.
Take care and Happy Day!.
Low Maintenance Grrrl
I met Sherry when I was Jesse's very first teacher and loved her immediately. Having Jesse in my class and having her support in getting Jesse adjusted was one of the finer moments in my teaching career. To this day I love to see him progress and become the smartest boy in class as I predicted. Without her support and trust I am not sure Jesse would have done as well as he did. ButSherry is remarkable in her own ways and I think while we grew up in different worlds(I was a NY baby and adolecent until I discoveredthe Southern world) and never wanted to leave. My Sherry is loving and honest and while she could use some "this is for me, this how I feel time" it is who sheis. I can laugh with her and haved cried many , many ( OK, too many) times on her shoulders she has never given up on me. Anyone who knows her is aware she is your "bestest" friend and if they do not get it then they do not deserve her. I adore her red hair and the soft fire in her heart. I could not imagine her without children and yet I can at times. Maybe all we mothers wonder why the heck we gave in to the traditional life when it does not always turn out as it was supposed to be. I am sure that is why God gives us these little sweet babies .... to bond before it is too late to stop and rethink the process! Sherry's Molly is just like her mom in all ways. I do think she has more outward fire that will serve her well in this messy world.
I am proud of being a "best" friend of Sherry's and wish the world had more clones like her. There would be a more loving and peaceful world for sure. Happy Birthday my dear friend and hope you had a day deserving of your worth.
And C and D rewriting the Kama Sutra for all of us innocent grrrls. Sheesh. In a world of overactive hormones, they set a NEW standard. Ahem.
Remember GW and the curly haired athlete? Oh my.
And y'all were so mean to Mr. M. Why didn't I take Spanish III and IV and join the party? Probably because I was hooked up with my French-speaking hottie...
And N did surgery on one of the dim-witted rednecks that used to torment us for being Brains and Big Word Users. No lie, y'all. Who would have thought that would ever happen? I'm sure Dumb Ass was damn glad Dr. N had studied hard all those years ago and didn't hold a grudge while he had a scalpel in his hand.
It must have been nice to say "Dumb Ass, you can just write that check for $3,000 to ME, Dr. Big Word User! Have a nice day!"
LOL... "Dr. Big Word User"... still giggling...
That's probably why most gay icons are female ;-)
Peter, I also have a guy friend from high school that I keep in touch with. Funny thing is that he is also originally from New York. Hmmm, now that I think of it, quite a few of my BFFs hail from New York... but ALL of them were lovingly adopted by the South and they appreciate most things Southern. I am, however, still working on the NASCAR thing with them... ;-)
Like the new blog look too :)