How do you react to nekkid people?

I have never been someone who is comfortable in my own skin. While other toddlers or preschoolers shed their clothes with abandon and loved to dash about in the buff before or after a bath, I never did.

When I was a kid I wouldn’t even undress in front of my best friend or her mother. I closed the heating vent when I used the bathroom, eliminating the chance anyone could see me undressed. As a teen I never liked the locker room, even though I participated in sports. I never went skinny dipping with friends at the river or hauled my girlfriends into a dressing room with me at the mall. I kept everything under wraps. Things didn’t change much when I hit adulthood. I never slept in the nude, I didn’t like to see myself naked, and I was even self conscious about it around my husband.

Since moving to Europe where attitudes about nudity are very different, I’ve tried to analyze why I feel and act the way I do. Europeans are not uptight about nudity; they see it as a natural state and not necessarily sexual, a perspective that makes sense to me intellectually. I’ve navigated mixed sex dressing rooms at pools and spas, seen people strip down to their underwear or go topless at the beach, and gotten used to the idea that there are no dressing gowns at the doctor’s office and I’m just going to have sit around mostly naked during medical visits. When I went to a European spa for my birthday, I wore my swimsuit but secretly admired the ease and assurance of those who chose to be naked. Why couldn’t that be me?

Certainly being raised Catholic probably has a lot to do with my modesty. From an early age, it was understood, if not openly communicated, that the body should be covered, that there was shame in being undressed, that it was somehow an invitation to trouble. The restrictions attached to both unmarried AND married sexual expression spilled over into attitudes about nudity. It was hard to shake the idea that being naked and unashamed was somehow a sin.

But there was more to my modesty than that. While I embraced feminism as a teenager, I had a hard time (and continue to have a hard time) with body image. Even as my higher self decries stereotypes and the power of the “beauty myth,” there’s an insecure 15-year-old inside of me that is forever awkward and adolescent regarding body image. It’s not easy to admit that because I want to think I’m too smart to buy into all that crap, but I’m being honest here. (As my friend N so deliciously put it: “I may be shallow, but at least I’m self aware.”)

While I’ve made great strides in accepting myself, I still occasionally battle self-consciousness. When I was younger and very thin, I felt gawky and stork-like. Older and rounder, I sometimes feel matronly and dumpling-like. Most of the time I’m fine with the way I look, but occasionally I find myself recoiling at my faults, real and imagined. The worst part of being smart enough to see how stupid all this is is that I get a dose of guilt along with my Bridget Jones moments of self-judgment.

Certainly those holes in the fabric of my self confidence explain a lot, but if I dig deeper into my psyche, I can see that the issue transcends the sexual shame entrenched in my upbringing and the all pervasive media images of perfectly toned, airbrushed young women. When I’m naked, I feel vulnerable and out of control. Shedding my clothes for me is exposing my tender white underbelly to the world visually AND emotionally. It’s as if uncovering my body also uncovers my soul. I prefer to keep it all concealed in a carefully wrapped package, protected from judgment.

How about you? How comfortable are you in your own skin?

July 10, 2007

Comments

[Shirley]

Interesting discussion. I started sleeping in the nude in high school after I found out a girlfriend did. When I first found out she slept in the nude, I was like, yuck. Then I tried it and loved it ... slept the best I'd ever slept. (Now I can't sleep with clothing on unless we are camping and clothese are needed for warmth.) BUT that wasn't the beginning of me loving being naked all the time. Outside my bedroom, I always wore a robe or clothes. Once I developed a strong relationship with my husband to be, I was comfortable being naked around him, but I still didn't prance around naked a lot. I am comfortable being naked at home with my husband now, but again you won't find me "hanging out naked" unless I am in bed watching television before bed or perhaps on a Sunday morning--with the covers up and over my body. Never was the skinny dipping type. Like you, I admire the Europeans' comfort with their bodies. In vacation spots with mostly Europeans, we've seen lots of topless young ladies/women and then older folks who don't seem to give a darn how they look in their swimsuits (or what appears to be a minimal resemblance to swimsuits per American standards). It's obvious they don't care a bit about a bulge of fat here or there and, on some level, I wish I could feel as carefree in my own bathing suit or clothes. Therefore, I don't think you are alone in your discomfort with being nude and, no, I am not Catholic (pseudo Methodist).

[Peter]

I'm not really sure whether it's a "European" vs "US" kind of difference (many Europeans also prefer to keep their package unopened ;-)

Apart from personal feelings, most Europeans do not make a fuss about nudity. I often visit Dutch beaches (well, not right now, it's raining in Holland and Belgium) and most people just don't care that gravity finally made their boobs point towards the floor.

Even the respected European Commission put this video on YouTube:
http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=koRlFnBlDH0

I don't see a US state agency using "nekkid people" to promote the US movie industry :-) It just shows that (in general) Europeans are much less uptight about their bodies (excluding the new EU countries like Poland or Romania who shouldn't have been allowed to join in the first place)

Still, on a personal level, I'm no longer comfortable showing my aging bones to an audience. It's a matter of dignity: if I feel not comfortable with a part of my body, I definitely won't show it on a public beach.

[bubandpie]

I remember being a kid and wanting to run around naked, not really understanding all the weird parental "rules" around when that was and was not appropriate.

And I remember the intense sense of privacy that overcame me a few years later, making me dread appointments with the pediatrician in case I would have to take off my shirt.

I'm somewhere in the middle now, I think - able to give birth to my children without worrying about all the people who would see my parts, but still subject to those nightmares where I'm trapped topless in a public place.

[Elisabeth]

Great post, V. Even though I was born and raised in France, I am an incredibly modest person when it comes to nudity and discussing my sex life with anyone (I generally don't, although I have occasionally written about sex in my blog.) I have always blamed this on my staunchly catholic upbringing - as you put it, the body is a locus of shame, especially some of its more "private" parts and, as such, should be covered. Hell, I still feel very self-conscious about showing even an iota of cleavage (I basically never do it...).

I do not feel that I am particularly ashamed of my body. It's not perfect, but, hey, very few people have truly perfect bodies. I have often wondered if I'd go topless on a European beach, and think that maybe I'd get daring and would, but I doubt that the occasion will ever present itself to test this theory.

I have written in one comment on your blog before that I find it absolutely idiotic that patients have to wear a gown to cover their bodies at the doctor's office. A doctor NEEDS to see his/her patient's body to ensure that his/her examination of this patient is thorough.

Finally, thanks to Peter for that video clip. Yeah, I doubt that the American film industry would ever promote itself in that fashion. There is actually way more violence than sex in most Hollywood movies.

[furiousBall]

I'm not about to go to a nude beach anytime. I'm sorta OK with nudity. But apart from my own insecurities, I like some mystery. I like that nudity is verbotten here in the US, makes it more special when you get to see boobies and heineys.

Sorry, I'm like 8 maturity-wise.

[V-Grrrl]

Peter,

At a loss for word after that film clip. Sly,witty, and sexy. Yes, you'd NEVER see the U.S. promote films that way.

[Shirl Grrrl]

Hmmm, I'm wondering what prompted this post! I know there are no nude beaches in VA! I feel just like you when it comes to this topic. Still feel funny around the hubby in the buff after all this time. My son is like me... very modest. My daughter is is like her dad and likes to be nekkid. We've come to the point in our lives where son is embarrassed when daughter wears a long t-shirt as her sleepwear with "no pants". I do have to say however, that I've become a lot less self-conscious than I was in school. I see my daughter and how comfortable she is in her own skin and wish that I had felt that care-free when her age. I hated my pale skin and freckles the most and it didn't help that I hung out with my gorgeous, tanned cousins during the summer. Talking about the proverbial red-headed step child! So, I'm with ya... don't want to show it on a beach, in a pool or anywhere else in public and really don't want to see anybody else's either!

[wendy]

Great post! I think I'll pick up the thread tomorrow....I posted a pic of a new bra before I left for SO. Carolina and the Bahamas....and I almost broke out in hives.

I, have however, skinnydipped, in salt, fresh and pool water.

I have a love hate relationship with my body...always have, always will.

[Ortizzle]

I am also wary of being seen in my birthday suit, even when I was young and had a good figure. It's funny you should write about this,too, as it reminds me of a re-run of a Seinfeld show I just saw about the girl Jerry dated who wandered around in the buff all day. His friends all thought it had to be sexy as hell, but Jerry said, "Well, it depends on the position you're in..." Squatting naked, for example, was deemed not very aesthetically pleasing!

Nekkid in public? Again, aesthetics rules. Certain things should be kept hidden if you have a choice. Which reminds me of another one of my pet peeves which is women who wear tank tops with bra straps showing and fat rolls bulging all over the place. I can't talk, I am not down to my ideal weight. But, precisely for that reason, I wouldn't think of wearing skin-tight garments.

[TB]

Considering the fanatical religious environment in which I was raised, where women were not to show leg above the knee or chest below the collerbone, you'd think I'd be more modest.
But I revel in my naked self. I love nothing more than the sensual feeling of my bare skin and I have no compunction with stripping down in private, or in public where it's acceptable to do so.
I hope I can teach Myles that the human body is a beautiful thing and not to be ashamed of it, as I was taught. I want him to have healthy attitudes toward his body and the female form so he won't be apt to sexualize or objectify based on physical appearance.

[Sage]

I only refrain from nudity out of respect for others who might feel uncomfortable with my casual attire. Any body of water in sight on a hot day, and I long to strip right down and dive in. Strangely, my one son goes into the bathroom to change for gym class every day. He's been intensely private since before he was toilet trained. It leads me to believe some of that sense is inborn, not learned through parents or culture.