One where I whine a lot because I'm homesick....
September 22, 2007 at 15:44 Lately I’ve found myself increasingly homesick, just longing to be back in America. Every frustration I have with my life in Belgium is magnified these days.
I find myself ranting over issues I’d accepted as part and parcel of my expat experience. Road construction always has the potential to create traffic nightmares, but now it's worse than ever. The main road serving my village and many neighborhoods is closed down in both directions. When you get within a mile or two of my house, you’re now forced to take a five-mile detour down narrow streets clogged with parked cars and speed bumps and wacky traffic patterns that see two-way streets brought down to one lane, with cars backed up in each direction waiting for a turn to go through.
Today the kids had a packed schedule, and I had to take this detour THREE times, sometimes spending 30 minutes to go that extra five miles. Because of the detour, I can no longer catch a bus home from the Metro station. The closest drop off to my house is almost two miles from it. This makes heading into the city an even bigger ordeal than it already is. With the road closed and the school bus having to navigate all this, the kids are getting home from school 30 minutes later in the afternoon now, and we're told to expect this until DECEMBER.
I hate the lack of alternate routes here, how narrow the streets are and how people with perfectly good driveways park in the street and block traffic. I hate that drivers constantly pass in no passing zones and create their own lanes and engage in all sorts of annoying and dangerous road behaviors, even in residential neighborhoods where you wouldn’t expect to encounter aggressive drivers. Don’t get me started on the complicated system that governs right of way. Even after two and a half years, I’m still not used to how people drive. I feel grounded in the worst way. Driving is so frustrating, that I hate every minute I spend in the car and refuse to drive many places.
I miss being able to buy what I need, when I need it, close to home. I’m tired of stores that are closed on Sundays and that open late and lock their doors early, that don’t have parking lots, or are located in places that are so hard to get to.
I’m tired of dealing with two different currencies and multiple bank accounts. E gets paid in dollars and we’re always juggling when and how to convert dollars to euros. The exchange rate has been horrible so we have less buying power than ever, E can only do his currency exchanges on Tuesdays and Thursdays at his workplace and he has to carefully plan when to transfer funds because he’s limited on the frequency and size of his transactions. I can’t easily get cash, and I’m just sick of all the hassles associated with finances here. I want to be able to write checks again!!!
We’re fortunate to be able to use a military mail system that allows us to send and receive mail to and from America and pay normal U.S. postage rates, not international or air rates. This is an enormous advantage because I can subscribe to U.S. magazines and order goods from many American companies and not pay exorbitant shipping costs. The down side of this privilege is that all of our mail arrives at a special post office located in the compound where E works. He can pick up the mail. I can’t. When he travels a lot, as he is doing now, our mail languishes at the post office for a week or two, which is hard to take when you’re waiting for a package or a magazine to arrive.
I miss being able to go out for an American breakfast on the weekends.
I miss grabbing a bagel and a large decaf vanilla hazelnut coffee at Einstein’s.
I miss being able to attend concerts, plays, movies, lectures, and classes.
I miss hearing English everywhere.
I miss going to video stores and renting movies.
I miss Halloween.
I miss my girlfriends.
And my family.
And being in the same time zone as most of the people I love.
Tonight I’ve had enough of expat life, and I just want to go home.
September 22, 2007
Reader Comments (36)
Tonight, I was stuck in traffic because on a barely two lane road, 2 large trucks were meeting each other, and two cars in a BIG ITALIAN hurry, tried passing one truck on the right. Ha ha, they both got squished. So, there was a truck and 2 cars in one lane. I finally just put 'er in reverse and backed up (in a traffic circle, no less) and found an alterante route. Yep, that was fun and cost me an extra 5 euros in babysitting money!
He probably thought because I was a woman, I would ease on over and not hold that near head-on collision against him.
He was SO WRONG. I was born in NY and happy to do the "Brooklyn princess wave," right back at him.
He backed up. Cursing.
Jerk.
There's road construction in most major US cities and it goes on for years, not months. Completion dates are rarely given and hardly ever met. I've been here 2.5 years and all the major roads are under construction. No alternate routes.
US drivers don't follow the rules either.
Europeans savor Sundays to relax and be with family, something Americans say they never have time for.
Different currencies expand the math skills that get fuzzy with old age. Be grateful for the challenge. ATMs will give you Euros. Get a debit card from your US bank and negotiate a reasonable daily withdrawal limit. The exchange rate is often as good or better than available at local banks.
Be thankful that military post office will keep your mail while E is away and they don't lose it. I can't tell you how many times the USPS has lost my mail and packages. Waiting a week or two for a package isn't worth the privilege of having reasonably priced service? There are lots of expats who would disagree.
Who wants artery-clogging American breakfast when you can have Belgian waffles with REAL whipped cream??
You're in the heart of Europe. Concerts and plays abound! European films -- there are people who would kill for the opportunity to see them when they first come out.
Why rent movies????? Get out and enjoy your surroundings. The movies will still be on the shelf when you return to the US.
Miss Halloween?? Host a costume party, invite your expat friends. Introduce them to an American custom. Can't find pumpkins? Make jack-o-lantern gourds or vegtables. Put some of your creativity to work.
You have SO many opportunities. You dwell on what you don't have instead of realizing how lucky you really are...
It's unfortunate that you are having trouble leaving your American life behind for a few years. It makes me wonder if you really wanted to be an expat in the first place.
I have already noticed the lack of sympathy, no need to state the obvious.
I, however, will state the obvious. I'm not a TOURIST here, this is my LIFE. It's not one long vacation with me carrying a guidebook and wearing a felt beret and saying, "WOW, I'm in EUROPE. Be impressed. My life is AUTOMATICALLY better than yours by location alone. Here let me pose in front of another cathedral in another major European city so you can all see how lucky I am to NOT be you!"
For the record, I hate Belgian waffles. I like sunny side up eggs, bacon, biscuits, and grits served by waiters and waitresses that smile and provide free coffee refills. So shoot me for wishing for that once in a while. I like what I like. No apologies.
My math isn't fuzzy at all. I realize that at the current exchange rate, the lowest that's ever been recorded on the euro vs. the dollar, I have less money than ever to pay my bills in the U.S. AND Europe, and less money to go out, travel, enjoy the sights,buy groceries, or pay for treating my son's broken wrist. I don't know what the exchange rate will be when I have to transfer thousands of dollars to pay two mortgages and the rent. Most people like knowing how far their money will go any given week. We've shopped the exchange rates to death, we have multiple bank accounts to maximize what we get out of our ever dwindling American/European income, but frankly, it's a pain in the ass to manage.
Do you regularly buy play tickets and go to concerts and movies in languages you don't understand at all? I kind of doubt it.
Do you then pay a babysitter $8 an hour for the privilege of leaving your house for some "adult" entertainment, knowing that the babysitting fees alone will cost you at least $50 and that you're likely to spend a good portion of your evening stuck in traffic burning your $8/gallon gas, praying that you'll get to your destination ALIVE and on time.
Maybe that would be why renting a movie would be appealing, relaxing, affordable?
And for your info, I DID host a Halloween party last year and invited every kid on the block who was NOT American so that they would learn about our holiday.
Wednesday night I was talking to my elderly mother-in-law on the phone and midway through the conversation, she forgot WHO I was and what language we were speaking in. Do you have ANY clue how painful that is? How it breaks my heart to be this far away? What it likes to love someone and not have access to them and see them slipping away while you race to find a way to get there before it's too late?
Yeah, sometimes being an expat isn't fun at all and all the castles and beer and chocolates and trips up the Eiffel Tower won't make it so.
I'm glad you're filled with joie de vivre and you never feel the need to complain and just cope happily and perfectly with every bump in your life. You ought to start your own blog and share your positive, love-filled, life-affirming, compassionate experience with the whole world.
God knows we need it.
However, I believe there is nothing wrong,(or weird, selfish ungrateful etc.) with feeling homesick and missing things and people that have given you a sense of comfort and stability your entire life. I think it's human nature.
I understand completely.
Oh, and we don't ALL have US postal services. I HAD an FPO address, but they shut it down. I have to write a letter to the Asst. Sec Def to TRY to get it back. See, I'm JUST a Reservist, so I don't rate being able to get my mail over here. Great, those 3 years away from my family after 9/11 don't count when it comes to getting mail, eh? All my magazines are lost in space somewhere (actaully, they are probably reading them at Capo.) That's what I get for marrying a Canadian, I guess!
But still - WF, pipe down!!
And then maybe you could take an extended vacation with the Canadian relatives. : )
Outrageous....
Enjoying Europe, hell yes.
It comes and it goes.
Good lord, if you can't be honest about your experience of life on your own blog, where can you be honest but then again, perhaps we all require guidance in what we should be feeling in this odd unplanned part of our lives.
The best thing about Europe is the friends I've made here. : ) OK, and I admit it, the architecture is stunning too.
V-Grrrl, I've been in your position three times. I've been there, done that and experienced similar things to you, sometimes in much worse conditions. I didn't LOVE every minute I was away from home. I also did not choose my circumstances, as you did. But, I tried my darndest to make the best of my situation.
I agree with heretoo, there is nothing wrong with feeling homesick and missing things that make you comfortable. I never said there was.
I also agree being an expat is not the same as being a tourist. It provides opportunities being a tourist can never provide; a point many people miss when they are an expat and try to live their life like a tourist.
Sorry you think the mail service is so awful. Too bad you can't volunteer in the military post office (as I did one Christmas) to see what life is like behind the window. Maybe then you would have a better understanding. You could be like Tonya without military mail service.
Yes, I seek out entertainment in foreign languages. No, I can't understand every word that is spoken and I don't "get" the whole story. But, it is an opportunity to see the world from other than American eyes and meet people who share a similar interest.
No, I haven't experienced what you did with your MIL. But, I did experience the sudden loss of two family members (within weeks) and the messy dealings with a complicated estate and associated family issues. And, a struggle to put an elderly relative into long-term care, all before internet access was inexpensive and readily available and when long distance phone calls cost a small fortune.
Believe me, I know expat life is not "see how lucky I am to not be you."
I was nearly killed by a driver going the wrong way. Your "one-way" story brought back many memories. I had to struggle for my life, then for my limbs, all in a foreign hospital in a foreign lanaguage that I did not speak, to follow with therapy in a foreign medical system that I did not understand. This was hardly a highlight of living overseas, and it is something I still deal with daily.
Perhaps I see things a little differently.
My life is far from positive, love-filled and life-affirming. I just do my best to try and make it that way. I'm sorry that my posts bother you so much. I find it interesting that when I try to bring a more positive look at things, it causes you such anxiety. It's not my intent, but I seem to be really good at it. I don't count it as something to be proud of. I obviously have no future as a writer.
So, this subject is Whining. Sounds good to me!
OBVIOUSLY there are mounds of cool things about living in Belgium. BUT, there are SOME things that can be done without, as you've mentioned.
In the US they don't often give alternative routes because you can still GET THROUGH with at least 1 lane during construction. Or they'll turn a lane in the opposite direction so you can still get through. In Belgium, they CLOSE the road in BOTH directions. That means NO TRAFFIC to the village. I couldn't even imagine WHAT the traffic is like. I DID get a taste of it when we still lived there. They made a 4 block detour (far cry from 5 miles) and it took 20-30 minutes longer during rush-hour (which is when the school bus traveled) to get through it.
Also, I've been watching the dollar DROP like a ton of bricks against the Euro. It was bad for us when were were there, but now it's to the point of ridiculous! You said gas is around $8.00 per GALLON. I'd be looking forward to get home to get the "cheap" gas. (When we were in Belgium it was "only" $6.00 per gallon).
V, Just because you "whine" about these things certainly doesn't insult or demean your time as an expat, with all the cool things that come with being an Expat (and you've written about them, for example free hugs). And, just because you are not currently living in America means you "leave your American life behind". That makes no sense to me. America is your past and your FUTURE. So of course you're going to look forward to things back here, just as you were looking forward to moving to Belgium before you moved there.
We each made choices while being an expat. Different people have different outlooks and adventures during their time.
Finally, I KNOW you don't dislike a person who "tries to have a positive attitude and to make the most out of less than perfect circumstances." That also makes no sense to me since less than perfect circumstances happen everyday, anywhere. That's just part of life.
I know there are still more adventures for you and your family and I wish you all the best!
Also, you answered WF so well, it made me giggle. But she?/he?/who cares? is OBVIOUSLY just a MUCH better and bigger and MORE POSITIVE person than you are. I mean, really. You should feel really bad about yourself.
...I have always found that people who feel the need to go out of their way to teach other people a "lesson" when all they wanted was an ear, usually have a lot to learn about not being a PAIN IN THE ASS. ;)
oxoxo :)
However I'm puzzled about the movies and concerts thing. Aren't the films subtitled at your local cinema? And surely concerts don't need any translation? Or is it about the kind of music that gets played over here?
When I was in the U.S., I used to occasionally go to foreign films with subtitles and it wasn't a problem. Now, for whatever reason, subtitles really interfere with my ability to enjoy a movie. I don't know if it's changes in my vision or just the fact that I'm so verbal, it's hard for me to process written words and visual action at the same time now.
There are movies in English at Kinepolis, but it's expensive to go when you throw in the cost of getting a sitter--or take the whole family. We've been to the movies twice since we've been here, seeing kid movies.
Mostly I like to rent movies but because all my digital electronics are programmed to North American specs, I can't rent movies distributed in Europe and play them on my DVD player, TV, or computer.
We have access to a limited number of movies through our connections with the U.S. military, but the action/horror/naked chick genre that most of the soldiers prefer isn't what I like. : )
We buy movies from the U.S. and rent some by mail, another reason I wait eagerly for the mail to come.