Ho, Ho, Hum?

Here in Belgium, Christmas slips quietly onto the scene without drama. There are no bright lights and gaudy displays rising in the dusk in November. December arrives without pomp and circumstance and Great Expectations for the Best Holiday Ever. There is no endless reporting on retails sales and prices, no joyless commentary on consumer confidence and weighty predictions on whether Christmas will be a boon or a bust for the economy.

The store windows in Belgium may sport some seasonal decorations, but in early December, the houses remain tight-lipped and secretive, only a few whispering cheer with a sedate wreath on the door. There aren’t stacks of Christmas trees looking for homes yet. The women don’t wear holiday sweaters or pins, the Christmas music is silenced, and there are no parades winding through the narrow streets. A Saturday trip to the mall reveals plenty of parking and reasonable lines at the cash registers. It’s as if the news that Christmas is coming is an unconfirmed rumor from questionable sources sparking a “let’s wait and see” attitude. This sense of watching and waiting actually suits the spirit of Advent best.

Most of the time, I love this aspect of Christmas in Belgium. The way the days grow short, the nights grow long, and Christmas dawns as the year sets fills me with quiet contentment. Still, there are moments when I miss the glitter and shine of an over-the-top American Christmas: the piped music, the glowing displays, the decorations hung on every surface, the endless ads and commercials, the caroling, parties, parades, and community events. In America, the fuse is lit in November and the holiday celebrations explode like nightly fireworks for the entire month of December.

My American friend S, an expat in Belgium, confessed to having more than 20 jumbo plastic boxes of Christmas decorations (I have fewer than five Rubbermaids now, not including the tree ornaments). S has five tree toppers and two Christmas trees to hold all her ornaments. Ho, ho, ho!

I used to be like that. In the U.S., it took me at least two days to decorate the interior of the house. First I had to pull out all the boxes, then pack away my everyday stuff to make room for the careful placement of all the holiday decorations I’d accumulated. I trimmed every door and window, elaborately covered the banister in greenery, baby’s breath, and gingerbread garland, had holiday arrangements of one sort or another on every flat surface, swapped out the dishes, china, and table linens with Christmas patterns, put holiday sheets on the bed, and yes, I admit it, even put a holiday soap dispenser in the bathroom.

The irony: I embraced a rustic, natural decorating look that was absolutely unnatural in the level of effort it took to pull off. Sure, it was pretty, but as time went on, I got crankier and crankier with the effort it took to roll out Christmas at our house, and so I started scaling back. When we moved to Belgium, I continued weaning myself off of excessive holiday spirit and left a lot of my Christmas stuff behind. And you know what? Even with far less effort and ornaments, it feels no less Christmas-y to me than it did before.

As I navigate middle age, I find myself working at simplifying all areas of my life. It seems we spend our 20s and most of our 30s building a lifestyle: finding a partner and social circle, maybe having kids and accumulating material things, traditions, activities, accomplishments, and expectations. Then just as we start to feel a bit smothered by it all, we tip into our 40s and start shedding belongings, relationships, and all the “shoulds” that drain our energy. We desperately want to get down to essentials and devote ourselves only to those things and people that really feed our soul. Then again, maybe that’s just me.

Tell me about yourself--what does Christmas look like in your corner of the world? Are you ramping up, scaling back or doing things the way you’ve always done them? Do you crave less, thrill with more, or just want something different?

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved. www.v-grrrl.com 

December 6, 2006

Comments

[mamatulip]

I love Christmas decorations. Not gaudy, over-the-top ones -- I prefer more antique decorations, you could say. My mother and I decorated our house every year with ornaments and decorations that she, and later on, I, had collected over the years. It was my favourite thing to do. Now that she's gone, I have her decoration collection and I enjoy decorating my house with those touches of her.

This year, though, because of a certain two-foot, curious little boy, I'm not doing the decorating I'd normally do. I'll put a few things out -- er, up, out of reach of sticky little fingers, but I'm not getting *all* of the decorations out. And that expensive babyjail will be going around the tree, too. Must. Protect. Tree.

I really love houses that have Christmas lights, and that's something that we never had when I was a kid. I'm going to see if Dave can string some lights around our front window this year.

[Char]

I personally love ornaments more than anything else. And while, I have a habit of breaking a few each year, there are ornaments on my tree that bring back a flood of emotions as I unpack them every year. My most favorite ornaments ever are a set of them made by my Mother when I was young. They are simple styrofoam balls, covered in wedges of material. The material is the scraps of fabric from dresses she made for me as a little girl. She dressed up the balls with ric rac and pom poms. I will have to take some pictures of them when I unpack them this year.

[Shirl Grrrl]

About half of my ornaments are handmade. When I first started having my own tree I had no ornaments and no money. So, I cross-stitched them. I have probably over 20 Santas each with his name on written on the back, a set of elves, a set of kooky reindeer (Blitzen is a little tipsy, for instance) a set of cute angels, a Victorian set and a bunch of little beaded ornaments. Granny Grrrl has made some for the kids and of course, all the ones the kids have made themselves. A Martha Stewart tree it is NOT! I started collecting Hallmark ornaments for the kids when they came along. I like the natural country Christmas look and am striving to get my house looking like it came out of Country Living... lol... I'll never get there. I love the traditions of Christmas most; getting out my Grandma Barton's cookie cutters and Grandma Teague's rolling pin to make the cookies that I make only once a year using Grandma Barton's recipes; thinking of my Grandpa Barton, who loved Christmas and wishing I could find Moravian sugar cake in Indiana (maybe I haven't been to the right stores) and the list goes on. I don't have Christmas dishes as my husband talked me out of it, saying I'd get Mama's one day and he's right. This afteroon I plan on poking whole cloves into oranges as part of my mantle decorations (my gosh, do you know how much whole cloves cost?!). All I bought new this year was some placemats and a table runner and they are more winter than Christmas and some rugs that can also be used all winter long.

[Lynn]

My kids love decorating the tree (5 and 7 years old) and they are so fun to listen to while they help because every time they open a new box and pull out the ornaments they exclaim "I remember this - so and so gave it to me!" or "This is so pretty!" They decided to organize the tree this year - so all the Santa ornaments are in one section, all the nutcrackers are in one section, etc. Not what I would have done, but they had a ball! We love lights outside the house, but we don't have any so we like to drive around and check out the neighbors. Our area has some amazing light displays at the oceanfront and in the botanical gardens so we like to go to those as well. Like Shirl-grrrl, I like making the Christmas cookies that remind me of Christmases and people in the past.

[echo]

Christmas in New York City is way over the top. I think because a lot of people choose to vacation in NYC at Christmas, crazy people, the decorations, music, etc is out of control.

Luckily, I escape the craziness and retreat to the Oregon coast for Christmas. When I was a kid I always loved getting the Christmas tree, we would drive way up into the mountains and spend the day hiking around looking for the "perfect" tree. In the end, we always picked a tree that was far from perfect, trees grown in the wild aren't nearly as symmetrical or full as trees grown on a farm. We exchange gifts, but it never gets out of control.

In Belgium, I enjoyed the Christmas market and the gluehwein.

[Shirley]

I love Christmas. When we built our house, at the very last minute, I remembered to have an extra outlet put in just for the Christmas tree! We have simplified over the years in many ways. We put up/out less decorations now. Each year I seem to get rid of a few more things, usually just donating them to the thrift shop.

Of what remains … I treasure my nativity set that belonged to my husband’s grandmother. (I never got to meet her. She died just a few days after we started dating.) My MIL made this set for her mother many years ago with the help of a friend. It is cream-colored ceramic and just beautiful. I was incredibly moved when she passed it on to me. I also have a Santa collection, which is a large assortment of both collectibles and others that are not valuable, but that I just like or received as gifts. (There is even one that my son made when he was very young from a cardboard toilet paper roll. LOL) I place my Santas on an array of Christmas tins that I have acquired over the years (the varying sizes and heights work well with the different Santas)—some of the tins were gifts also. We have no outside Christmas lights except for some white lights in the wreath by our door. There is a wreath on the lamppost, a Christmas flag at the end of the drive, and a red bow on the mailbox post. We have brass “candles” in each window. We have a few very small (1- and 2-foot variety) artificial trees here and there in the house, plus Christmas hand towels in the bathroom, dish towels in the kitchen, and a few Christmas potholders. I also have placemats that I made that I love to bring out. My son has a nutcracker collection that he both still loves and tries to dismiss a bit, because after all he is almost 19. We always cut our tree and it is always cedar (which is great for holding many, many ornaments—I treasure them too, although over time I have let the worn out ones go). Around the tree we have my husband’s train from when he was small. Our son has a train too and he usually sets it up as well as a tree full of his ornaments. We have given him one every year and other relatives have as well.

The food is always extra special during the holidays and I enjoy making appetizers (crab ball, meatballs) and baking cookies and taking them to family events.

We only exchange gifts with our immediate families. For the cousins, we recently went to the Pollyanna method (I think that’s what it’s called), which we all enjoy immensely. My girlfriends and I have stopped exchanging gifts. We just get together for a wonderful drawn out dinner at an upscale restaurant when our schedules allow (they will let you sit for a very long time, as long as you are eating or drinking a little). By far, it is the “together” time with wonderful food and drink that I enjoy with my family and friends during the holiday more than any gift I receive.

Shirl Grrrl-I have made the clove oranges before and I actually bought a whole pound of cloves from a mail order spice company. It is very economical that way and it takes years and years to use up a pound of cloves.

[christina]

We've scaled waaaay back and less is more in our house. We used to put up every single Christmas decoration we owned - no theme, really, just a lot of STUFF.a lot of it stemming from my husband's grandparents and put on display out of a sense of duty more than anything. At some point I got tired of it and started just leaving most of the boxes unpacked, just choosing a few of my favourite things each year to give the place that Christmasy touch.

I enjoy holiday baking and crafts and usually do quite a bit of that before Christmas without going overboard.

We don't exchange gifts with friends any more, and my husband and I buy something for the house together rather than something for each other (preferring to spread out personal gift giving throughout the year). The kids also get one big present, something they REALLY want, instead of a lot of small useless things they'll never touch again.

Suits us just fine.

[Shirl Grrrl]

Now you tell me, Shirley! I'll remember that for next year if I make them. Still haven't made them this year! But after spending 10 bucks on a little jar you can bet I'll start soon. I also had a bottle in my cubbard, so hopefully that will be enough.

[amber]

Wow, you went to a lot of trouble. But I bet it was nice!

I am trying to find our Christmas traditions. I didn't have regular ones from childhood. Some. Like my grandpa in the Santa suit. ;) But now I realize how Christmas is all brand new to my kids. They don't have my baggage. So I have to create a new Christmas feeling for them. It is nice, but also kind of scary. Because I fear not knowing how to do it right, or making it joyful enough that they will think back with fondness
...Hmmm.I feel a post comming on....

This year we have tried to take a lot of the consumerism out. I like that part of what you describe about where you live now. Although, I would probably miss it after awhile. LOL. So I am trying to find a middle ground for us. And it has been a lot less stress, actually.

:)

[Flubberwinkle]

V, I like the Belgians' non-consumer, low-key attitude towards Christmas. I think it's pretty much the same in most of Europe. Greece has only recently plunged into the outdoor kitschy decorations, which I don't particularly care for. I like a simple wreath on the door, no outside lights, perhaps an Arcadian decorated live tree in the garden.

I do, however, love having a green tree in my home for a couple of weeks. I just hate the senseless waste of a good oxygen-giving tree. So, we when I first got married with Husband we had a little spruce tree (in its pot) hauled in the living room from the veranda which I decorated with home-made bows. It had no lights because it was in a watering pot and electrocution is such a downer at Christmas.
:-)

For several years that little spruce tree dutifully played the part of our Christmas tree for 15 days indoors and spent the rest of its days outside in the mild Greek climate. No one complained about its simplicity, except my Dad when he'd come from the Sates to visit. So one year, my father decided to buy us a "real" tree just like we had back in the US when I was growing up and a 6 foot plastic thing invaded my living room.

I kept my home-made ribbons, made some more and because I was afraid the kids might get hurt with glass decorations, opted for paper mache balls with old-fashioned, simple themes. Every year my daughters would bring a school-made Christmas ornament, adding another memory to our simple collection.

Every year Husband and I would hack away a little at the plastic tree's pole, removed some branches and finally bought it down to a cozier 4 1/2 foot giant bush. Along the way I added a few strands of plain white Christmas lights that dim slowly, creating the fireplace effect, instead of blinking on and off like dysfunctional traffic lights.

Aside from the tree I only throw a few Christmas place mats on the kitchen table, a wreath on the door, some holly branches in vases, cloves-in-oranges and cinnamon wrapped votive candles.

So, in answer to your question I haven't really changed much in my 18 year married Christmas routine. I do things, pretty much, the same ever year. With one exception. I've become more organized each year and bringing out and then packing up the Christmas stuff seems easier (maybe because the tree is shorter).

Our little live spruce tree, unfortunately, was injured by one of the kids one summer when a ball hit its top, stumped its growth and finally withered. I miss it.