Wondering

Shocked. Relieved. Unconcerned. Resigned. Anxious. Pissed. The whole (hole!) heart thing has me wondering. Part of me is relieved to learn what may be causing my heart arrhythmia, part of me is angry that this wasn't discovered when I first complained of heart issues five years ago, part of me is happy that maybe this can be fixed and I can finally get off medication, part of me is freaked out that I might have surgery on my heart and still have atrial fibrillation afterwards.

I called my cardiologist and discovered she's out of the office until October 9, my regular doctor had not seen the test results yet so I lack a lot of information. I have an appointment with the cardiologist on the day she gets back; my other doctor said not to worry because if I've made it this far in life with a hole in my heart, chances are it's not too serious. She'll call me if there's anything in the report I need to know before meeting with the cardiologist.

I don't have any details yet on the size of the hole, its exact location, or my treatment options. I've spent hours online reading about atrial fibrillation and holes in the heart. What I really want to know is if the hole in my heart is the cause of my arrhythmia or another heart issue to deal with. While the thought of surgery is scary, the idea of having a problem with a concrete solution is a relief. If the two conditions are unrelated, it probably means more monitoring and medication and possibly new symptoms over time--which is more than a little discouraging.

Holes in the heart are the most common congenital heart defect. Now that I know I have one, all sorts of incidents stand out in my mind. While I never fainted as a child or adult, I often felt like I was going to faint. I would get light-headed, see spots and the room darkening. I'd feel a hint of nausea and have to lie down immediately. My mom always attributed such episodes to "getting up too fast" or "standing too long." When I was an adult, I attributed those episodes to my very low blood pressure or getting too warm in a steamy shower.

When I was pregnant, I couldn't stand for more than 10 minutes without feeling faint. I couldn't go shopping, cook, or even wash dishes without taking frequent breaks. Even taking a shower was a problem. Beginning early in the pregnancy, I'd become breathless going up the stairs. Did my heart have something to do with those symptoms or were those just standard pregnancy conditions? I always thought it was normal, now I wonder.

On the other hand, I was a distance runner for years and have always exercised and never had an episode of feeling faint associated with exertion (though sometimes a flight of stairs can knock my heart out of rhythm now). I have had EKGs, ECGs, and stress tests and never showed a problem. My atrial fibrillation comes and goes and only if I'm carrying a heart monitor with me can I capture an episode for my doctor. It can last minutes or hours, be a fluttery feeling in my chest or a wild gallop. It first showed up in my late 30s, which according to the Mayo Clinic is the age adults who have not previously been diagnosed with a hole in the heart are most likely to exhibit symptoms--an irregular heartbeat being one on the list. Significant? Not significant? I don't know.

What I do know is that I probably won't get easy answers, even when I meet with the doctor, but that won't keep me from wishing for some.

Thank you for all the support, prayers, and good wishes,

V-Grrrl

September 21, 2006

Comments

[Nance]

Oh, V....!

[Elisabeth]

Again, all my good thoughts are going out to you. I do hope that you are in the best possible medical hands, and I am sure that you are. having to wait until October 9 is a bit of a pain...

[amber]

Gosh, I am hoping the very best for you!

And it makes me wonder... You and have complained of many of the same physical woes before, which is funny. But as you talked about the things that you have noticed, and how your pregnancy was-- I was JUST like that, and the other things too! All of them!

My prayers to you, friend.

:)

[Mary]

Thanks for sharing with us your thoughts and for giving us what little information you have. Stupid doctors. Vacation? They shouldn't be allowed to take time off!

Well, I hope you can keep yourself busy, distracted or whatever will be the best thing for you while you wait.

And oh yes... the prayers will keep going up.

[Javacurls]

I think it's amazing how well you're taking this news! Knowing me I'd try every way possible to track my doctor down so I could ask him some questions. I'm sure my medical file has some symbol to alert doctors that I can be a bit crazy at times. Did you ever see that episode on Seinfield?

I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers!

[Char]

Hugs V! Waiting and thinking is always hard.

[TB]

I know it must be impossible not to worry, not to connect a lifetime of occurances and symptoms to what you now know.
I hate that you have to wait another two weeks for more information. It's a lot to have to carry.

I'll be sending lots of love and strength to make the load lighter.

[mamatulip]

In situations like this I always try to go into them with the best of intentions, anticipating the best possible outcome, although I know it's easier for me to say this to you as I'm not the one in your shoes right now. Hang in there, know I'm thinking of you and I hope that, in the end, everything turns out for the best.

[Dan]

You have my support too. Good luck. You will be in my thoughts and prayers too.

Dan

[deezee]

Uncertainty is such a tough place in which to reside. I hope you get some comforting information soon.

[wordgirl]

Still thinking about you. If it's the most common of heart ailments, I'm glad. That means it's easier to fix. Right?