A bad taste in my mouth

Somewhere in the recesses of my subconscious someone planted a positive association with goat cheese, which is why I bought some this weekend at a church fundraiser.
I happily parted with my euros for the neat little tub of soft spreadable white cheese seasoned with bright green chives. I imagined gently swirling it on whole wheat crackers and eating it with the vegetable soup I’d made the day before.
E looked at me and said, “Ummm, I don’t like goat cheese.”
“Really?” I’m genuinely surprised.
“Yeah, it’s got a wild taste to it.”
I shrug my shoulders, undeterred. It looks so fresh and so delicious.
Oh, Gentle Readers, I was so, so wrong.
Later in the day, when I spread the goat cheese on a Triscuit, the initial splash of flavor was salty, creamy, and oniony—and then a millisecond later--WHAM! My tastebuds were bitch-slapped by the WILD THANG. Gah! Get that out of my mouth!
That cheese tasted like a petting zoo smells in the summer time—think musky, sweaty, goat balls.
"Bleah! Bleah! Bleah!" I bleated.
I was overwhelmed with an urge to wash my hands, brush my teeth, and pop an Altoid all at the same time.
I wished I could shake the taste off my tongue but it clung like Velcro to the fringe on a scarf.
The taste vividly brought back unpleasant memories of my brother’s brief foray into goat keeping and life on the farm with Fritz the Stinky He Goat. Once as I was approaching the house, Fritz wrapped his front legs around me and tried to mount me.
Y’all, I was about 13 when I lost my innocence in the traumatic attempted goat rape. With Fritz butting his head into my back, I understood for the first time where the term “horny” came from and why lascivious men were called “old goats.”
And the origin of goat cheese?
I don’t even want to think about it.
January 28, 2007
Copyright 2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle. All rights reserved.


Reader Comments (29)
I can see how it's a love-or-hate kind of thing, though.
Just today I was reading aloud from a Greek Sunday newspaper to Husband about a new Cretan milk product that's hitting Greek supermarkets: fresh goat's milk.
Why was I reading it aloud? So I could go EWWWWWWWWWWWW! and remind everyone in the household how much I dislike goat products.
Yeah. You know what happened next.
Also, I'm so glad to see that you "bleated". A long-running argument in this household (between Dave and I) is whether or not goats bleat. I'm stoked to show him this post. LOL!
I'm going to hell for laughing about attempted goat rape, aren't I?
:)
"That cheese tasted like a petting zoo smells in the summer time—think musky, sweaty, goat balls."
heheheheheheheh
Thanks though, for inflicting on us the goaty sweaty balls visual ;)
I tried goat's milk once a few years ago, and yeah. Didn't care for it so much. "Huh. This isn't so ba--eeeewwwwwwwwww [spitspitspit]."
I have always had such fond memories of Fritz and Heidi's wacky hijinks; I never knew Fritz's true lecherous history. Although being 3 at the time of that incident, I'm sure my parents wished to preserve my innocence just a little longer. I think 30 years wasn't nearly long enough...
oh, you make me laugh. actually, i love to eat goat cheese in a very classic way, spread on toasted baguette slice, sprinkled with herbes de provence, and popped under the broiler. eat it with a salad with dijon vinaigrette. delicious. but yes, it is definitely one of those love or hate things. describing it as tangy and earthy is being kind, i understand.
by the way, i made your white chili the other day and it was wonderful! i used one can of chilis and it was just perfect. will definitely be making that again. thanks for sharing the recipe.
Tera