A bad taste in my mouth

Somewhere in the recesses of my subconscious someone planted a positive association with goat cheese, which is why I bought some this weekend at a church fundraiser.

I happily parted with my euros for the neat little tub of soft spreadable white cheese seasoned with bright green chives. I imagined gently swirling it on whole wheat crackers and eating it with the vegetable soup I’d made the day before.

E looked at me and said, “Ummm, I don’t like goat cheese.”

“Really?” I’m genuinely surprised.

“Yeah, it’s got a wild taste to it.”

I shrug my shoulders, undeterred. It looks so fresh and so delicious.

Oh, Gentle Readers, I was so, so wrong.

Later in the day, when I spread the goat cheese on a Triscuit, the initial splash of flavor was salty, creamy, and oniony—and then a millisecond later--WHAM! My tastebuds were bitch-slapped by the WILD THANG. Gah! Get that out of my mouth!

That cheese tasted like a petting zoo smells in the summer time—think musky, sweaty, goat balls.

"Bleah! Bleah! Bleah!" I bleated.

I was overwhelmed with an urge to wash my hands, brush my teeth, and pop an Altoid all at the same time.

I wished I could shake the taste off my tongue but it clung like Velcro to the fringe on a scarf.

The taste vividly brought back unpleasant memories of my brother’s brief foray into goat keeping and life on the farm with Fritz the Stinky He Goat. Once as I was approaching the house, Fritz wrapped his front legs around me and tried to mount me.

Y’all, I was about 13 when I  lost my innocence in the traumatic attempted goat rape. With Fritz butting his head into my back, I understood for the first time where the term “horny” came from and why lascivious men were called “old goats.”

And the origin of goat cheese?

I don’t even want to think about it.

January 28, 2007

Copyright 2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle. All rights reserved.

Comments

[min]

Yea! I'm not the only one. Back in the eighties goat cheese was so chic, everyone raved about it, but after one taste, something inside me said, "No. This is not meant to be consumed." It tastes gamey like a dead possum or some other roadkill. I'll not have it at my party!

[Nance]

Oh, no. V, this is where we part company. I love goat cheese. LOVE IT. Hate all sheep's milk cheeses, but do love the chevre, the caprino, whatever you want to call it. Oh well. We still have pretty much everything else....

[Nancy]

I just had goat cheese for the first time during our Disney trip, and I was surprised to find that I liked it. I thought I'd just find it "meh" or maybe dislike it, but there was something about the strong taste I liked.

I can see how it's a love-or-hate kind of thing, though.

[platypus]

You made me laugh so much with that one! I do like goats cheese but I hear where you're coming from. Still, with the traumatic goat memories you have I'm surprised you tried it at all! ;)

[Flubberwinkle]

How peculiar.

Just today I was reading aloud from a Greek Sunday newspaper to Husband about a new Cretan milk product that's hitting Greek supermarkets: fresh goat's milk.

Why was I reading it aloud? So I could go EWWWWWWWWWWWW! and remind everyone in the household how much I dislike goat products.

[Elisabeth]

I am not overly fond of goat cheese, in general, but some are better than others. My favorite of all cheeses is Roquefort, and it's made from ewe's milk. Another absolutely fantastic blue cheese, this one made from cow's milk, is Montbriac (but note that its fat content is a hefty 60%!).

[wendy]

Goat rape...now there's a phrase I didn't expect to see you write!!!

[mamatulip]

LOL! I've only ever had goat cheese once, in a really delicious recipe for grilled vegetable and couscous salad. It's a FANTASTIC salad (if you want, I'll share the recipe with you), but I made the mistake of taking a wedge of goat cheese on its own to try for myself. Just like you, I thought it was so creamy and nice looking...I imagined it tasting like cream cheese...and it was herbed, so I figured it couldn't be that bad.

Yeah. You know what happened next.

Also, I'm so glad to see that you "bleated". A long-running argument in this household (between Dave and I) is whether or not goats bleat. I'm stoked to show him this post. LOL!

[Jenny]

Oh My God.

I'm going to hell for laughing about attempted goat rape, aren't I?

[Jessica]

VG - this is HYSTERICAL! Thanks for the evening laugh when I needed it most.

[Debbie]

Can I just tell you that I HATE GOAT CHEESE WITH A PASSION! It tastes just like a horney old goat smells!! YYYYUUUUCCCKKKK!

[amber]

LMAO. You are such a funny nut.

:)

[laurie]

Although I love me some goat cheese myself, I have to say I will never quite see it the same way again after this:
"That cheese tasted like a petting zoo smells in the summer time—think musky, sweaty, goat balls."

heheheheheheheh

[Ash]

Uck. I know that taste! A few times I've bought goat's milk feta cheese by mistake and it has that goaty flavour. Like another commenter said, some are better than others.

Thanks though, for inflicting on us the goaty sweaty balls visual ;)

[Di]

I almost died laughing ...

[Granola-grrrl]

Ha-- sweaty goat balls.[snicker]

I tried goat's milk once a few years ago, and yeah. Didn't care for it so much. "Huh. This isn't so ba--eeeewwwwwwwwww [spitspitspit]."

I have always had such fond memories of Fritz and Heidi's wacky hijinks; I never knew Fritz's true lecherous history. Although being 3 at the time of that incident, I'm sure my parents wished to preserve my innocence just a little longer. I think 30 years wasn't nearly long enough...

[Shirley]

LOL and yuck at the same time! I have to admit I've never tried goat's cheese (and I really don't think I will now after your review), but we had friends who raised goats for years and they used the milk to make a tub of a different flavor of wonderful ice cream every week. We also used the milk to save a malnourished rescued kitty when my husband was milking the goats while they were away on vacation mid-winter.

[furiousBall]

as far as i'm concerned goat cheese should be heard and not eaten.

[t]

oh, you make me laugh. actually, i love to eat goat cheese in a very classic way, spread on toasted baguette slice, sprinkled with herbes de provence, and popped under the broiler. eat it with a salad with dijon vinaigrette. delicious. but yes, it is definitely one of those love or hate things. describing it as tangy and earthy is being kind, i understand.

by the way, i made your white chili the other day and it was wonderful! i used one can of chilis and it was just perfect. will definitely be making that again. thanks for sharing the recipe.

[Tera]

Yep, been there, done that...and won't do it again! Glad you now can add that to your book of life experiences.

Tera