So you think Belgium is dull? Clearly you haven't been driving

It’s spring in Belgium. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flowers blooming, the fields and forests are green with new growth. It’s a time to embrace optimism and a positive attitude—unless of course you want to leave your neighborhood, in which case it’s a time to buckle up, grit your teeth, and abandon all hope of arriving at your destination on time.

Yes, spring in Belgium means road construction projects, and no matter what direction you head, you’re bound to encounter orange cones, heavy equipment, and piles of paving stone, dirt, bricks, cable, and pipe.

Omleiding. Deviation. Wegomlegging. Detour. In any language, it means the same thing: trouble. While E and I have recently been blindsided by closed roads, unexpected dead ends, lengthy backups, and orange arrows that point nowhere, the truth is that we’re not really surprised when we can’t get where we’re going.

Whether I’m behind the wheel or in the passenger seat, driving in and around Brussels is always a challenge. A native once described the local traffic as “a bit more dynamic than what you see in the United States.”

I smiled and bit my tongue, not wanting to offend her by telling her I thought there should be an international team of researchers investigating why the otherwise quiet, mild-mannered, and reserved Belgian people morph into assertive daredevils behind the wheel of a car. Perhaps if you live here long enough, you develop calc deposits in a part of the brain responsible for caution. It’s all clouded in mystery.

Anyone who’s lived here for any period of time knows that Belgians aren’t renowned for their interest in speed or efficiency when it comes to customer service or bureaucracy, but put a Belgian in the driver’s seat and all that he or she is concerned with is the shortest distance and fastest route between two points. If this involves driving on sidewalks, passing on curves, speeding through residential areas, running through red lights, creating new lanes, or just cutting in front of other drivers and jockeying for position, so be it. C’est la vie. All’s fair in war and driving.

At first, I attributed the aggressive driving habits to the road conditions here. After all, navigating narrow bumpy streets clogged with parked cars, pedestrians, and cyclists is an exercise in frustration. Yet the longer I’ve lived here, the more I’ve begun to think Belgians secretly like all the obstacles thrown in their path.

Driving here isn’t about ease, it’s about SPORT. It’s all part of a national commitment to make some aspect of life in Belgium exciting. Deep in the heart of the city is place where government officials gather to create driving regulations and practices as twisted as a downtown alley.

Why else would people choose to park on the street instead of in their driveways and thus reduce two-way traffic to one lane? It’s part of a plot to create drama and near head-on collisions in their neighborhood.

Likewise, the thrill-seekers in charge make other nefarious rules to increase adrenaline levels in the otherwise calm populace:

Let’s not mark the roads and see what happens!

Let’s have an ever-changing rule of priority and indicate it by at least three different sorts of signs so we can see who’s really paying attention!

Let’s print street signs in two languages and place them where they can’t be seen until it’s too late to safely turn!

Let’s see who’s bold enough to steal the right of way at this intersection!

Yes, the popular way to prove your mettle here is to barrel around blind curves, tailgate, invent your own passing maneuvers, and speed like a German on the autobahn.

Driving is the unofficial national sport and the Belgians want to see who triumphs in the end: you, the other driver, or the Grim Reaper.

This is the automotive version of a ménage a trois—and it makes me want to curl up in bed and stay at home.

May 11, 2007

©2007 V-Grrrl and Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

Comments

[furiousBall]

I've never thought of Belgium as being dull at all, then again, I live in New Jersey - which is like Ohio, but even more so, imagine that.

[christina]

If the Belgians drive like that, you can imagine how it is with the seldom quiet, rarely mild-mannered and not at all reserved Germans - the guy with the biggest Mercedes wins. That's why I usually end up taking the bus. It's like one big obstacle course out there.

[Ash]

I drove through Belgium to get to France. The Belgians are terrible drivers! I thought the Dutch were aggressive until I met the Belgians on the road. What's with the blinking indicator for miles and miles while travelling in the left lane? And having the hazard lights on while travelling endlessly on the left and while overtaking on the right. Do they think this excuses them?

[Shannon]

With regard to all the obstacles they put in the middle of streets (ya know, ZIGZAGENLAAN, to squeeze traffic into one lane, supposedly to slow us down)...Do they really think having me in my van playing CHICKEN with a bus while dodging parked cars, pedestrians, bicyclists, dogs, horses, etc. on their street REALLY makes things safer ????.... I say it doesn't. My favorite was a response by some gov't official with regard to the nearly total lack of stop signs at the end of most Belgian streets. The dude said something like: If we start putting up stop signs, we'd have to put them up on EVERY street... Yeah, DUH !!!! It really is crazy and frustrating trying to get anywhere in this country. And then when you get there, there's the parking issue, which requires a whole 'nother blog.

[Peter]

As a native, I have only one explanation: 'we were born that way' :-)

[wordgirl]

Why is it that bad driving results in road rage here in the States and yet you don't hear about that kind of thing in other countries? Do you see it there in Belgium?

[V-Grrrl]

Road rage here isn't about guns or fights. What you mostly get is the horn, dirty looks. or an accident. Belgium has one of the highest accident and fatality rates in all of Europe.

[Ortizzle]

Spaniards drive like that. With one hand almost permanently on the horn. But Wordgirl is right, it is never a road rage thing. It happens too fast for anybody to get mad. Except for bizarre parking habits. Hmmmm... I might just save that for a post, LOL.

P.S. Didn't Italian drivers scare the crap out of you when you were in Italy? When I was in Rome, I was petrified to cross the major boulevards. I used to wait for a crowd of nuns to cross.

[Her Bad Mother]

This is why I don't drive. FEAR.

[Van Innie]

For months prior to moving to Belgium everyone warned me about the driving. While on our look-see I drove the 2nd day ... the relocation person was shocked I was daring enough to drive here.
I must say - y'all don't know bad/crazy/daring/stupid/death-wish driving 'till you've driven in Poland. This is nothin', V-Grrrl. Come back after driving in Warsaw, hon, then we'll talk.
(But I enjoyed the post tremendously & appreciate THAT time on the computer, but maybe if you take a typing class you'll write faster & have time to do more WORTHWHILE things. Yea, that "how much time ..." post ticked me off, too. ;-)

[Guido]

A Belgian loses face by having to pay for parking. Going into an underground parking is a very last resort. Better to go around in circles endlessly to find a parking space, often far away from final destination and risk a fine than pay two euros. If you really have to you hope nobody you know will see you and you sneak out as fast as possible.

[Flubberwinkle]

Greek drivers and roads have struggled too long and too hard to let the Belgians win. No one can outdo the Greeks in road rage, speed addiction, ignorance of safety regulations. The statistics and little memorial monuments lining up the Greek roads prove it. Sadly.