I don't need this

What's worse than going into the bathroom and seeing that someone has used the last scrap of toilet paper and not replaced the roll? Looking at the toilet and seeing that it is covered with, how shall I say this delicately, fecal matter.

Yes, it looked like there was an explosion in a septic tank in there. Of course, no one named E-Grrrl or A has any idea what happened. Nope. They hear no evil, see no evil, do no evil.

Apparently they also do not SEE the toilet brush, spray bottle of disinfectant, and the flushable cleaning wipes sitting RIGHT NEXT TO THE TOILET, ready to assist with any and all unexpected bathroom crises.

No, in our house, when crap happens, we ignore the problem. When confronted with a bunch of it, we deny, deny, deny. Then we conveniently LEAVE IT THERE for someone else to deal with. [Go ahead and say: "Just like they do in Washington, V-Grrrl!"]

Good grief.

Pass the bleach.

Pass the Lysol.

Pass the rubber gloves.

Pass me a margarita while I write up an ad for eBay:

For Sale: Two children, slightly used....

May 22, 2007

Comments

[Granola-grrrl]

Amen. You think that once they're toilet trained, that's it. Ew. We're working on the whole for-Pete's-sake-could-you-lift-the-seat-before-you-pee-and-replace-it-when-you're-done-oh-and-also-please-FLUSH thing. Also the-next-person-who-wipes-a-booger-on-the-wall-has-to-eat-it. (Magic Erasers don't work on boogs; FYI, you have to razor scrape the damn things off-- and people ask me where I learned to clean houses so well)

Perhaps we could put all 5 of them up on eBay as a lot-- as is. Dirty bums, crusty noses and all. They're all still pretty cute... maybe someone could make one of those preteen family bands out of them.

[V-Grrrl]

Oh Granola, the thought of the band really cracks me up.

[MamaLee]

I am the pooper cleaner here, as well. I SO feel your pain, and smell your bathrooms!

[Ortizzle]

And you thought you were done when they were toilet trained. Unfortunately, 'toilet trained' just means not using diapers. Somehow, for them, it does not include basic hygiene or even a thought for who comes after, because, invariably, it ain't the one who committed the crime! (Here's another breach of bathroom etiquette I have never understood: "It's O.K. not to flush if it's just, ahem, 'Number 1.'"

[Angela]

You mean they don't outgrow fecal-related messes? Oh, dear. That's disappointing.

[Tera]

Ahem, do you know how many times I have sat down on the toilet and realized too late what I was sittin' in? Yeah, real nice!!! Thank you my darling boys. Oh, and how about an 11 year old that just got potty trained (whatever that means)...think he'd be a good addition to your ad? Or maybe I should just keep him...at least I know what kinda crap I'm getting myself into. Ha!

[Lisa]

I was presently mourning the fact you're going back to the U.S. but can't continue now as I'm laughing too hard. Thanks a lot. Broke me right out of a well-practiced funk. :)

p.s. My husband does this constantly therefore my toilet seat is one of the cleanest things in the house. *gag* At least your children can blame it on the fact they're children.

[Shirl Grrrl]

I hear ya, Lisa. My hubby is often the culprit of septic expolsions. I fear that unless we live alone, we women will be dealing with someone else's shit for the rest of our lives.

[V-Grrrl]

Hey Shirl,

We should move in together! : )

[furiousBall]

Whenever there are poop incidents for some reason it always happens in threes. Like if I decide to go clean the back yard of the lawn bombs from the dog, I'll notice the cat box needs changing, and then the kids will become poo flinging monkeys in some form too.

[Ash]

Let's not talk about the inability to wipe properly and the resulting underpants that mom has to fish off the floor, put in the washing basket and then wash! If only it was just the kids ...

[christina]

Sorry, laughing too hard to comment.