Thoughts on the "L" word

A few months ago, Neil was showered with cards, gifts, and tributes from fellow bloggers in a virtual birthday party organized by his wife, Sophia. When it came time to write thank you notes, Neil openly wondered how to sign his name on letters to people that (for the most part), he’d never even met.

When I was a teenager, it was so easy to sign cards and letters “Love, Veronica.” I never really wondered if it was appropriate. Back then love was in the air, easy to give and easy to receive, and to this day, some of my closest friends are people I first hooked up with in middle school and high school.

Then at some point in my 20s, after I got married, I started to pause and wonder, “Should I sign this ‘Love, Veronica’?”

Love became a gray area and a source of debate. Who should I use the “L” word with and when?

The advent of electronic mail and abbreviated communications provided an easy out because it gradually diminished the sense that a message should end with a formal closing. In the digital world, it was easy and perfectly acceptable to just sign my name or not sign at all. That was OK and certainly simplified matters.

Still, as a writer, the meaning and use of the “L” word and the necessity of using a closing phrase became a source of personal debate, and I sought appropriate alternatives.

I like the slightly formal but not-too-stuffy good intentions conveyed in “Best” or “All the best.” “Take care” is both casual and sincere and carries a certain warmth and concern. I also favor the lighthearted and convivial “Cheers.” And there are even times when “Peace” is the last word I want to leave with someone before signing off.

One word I never use is “Fondly.” For some reason that strikes me as distinctly tepid, like a limp handshake or faint praise. I’ll pass, thanks.

The upside of the changes in correspondence practices is that it’s helped me recognize the evolution of some relationships, to notice when acquaintances become friends, and when a friend becomes a good friend: someone I’ve trusted with a big piece of myself and someone I carry with me.

As we exchange ever more relevant truths and dig deeper into the past and present, the debate on how to sign a note evaporates. When the “L” word pops onto the page on its own, I smile, pause, and think how lucky I am. Love is once again easy to give and receive, and I feel like I’m 16 all over again.

June 19, 2007

©2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle. All rights reserved.

Comments

[Tera]

Yeah, I know what you mean. I use the "L" word pretty freely. My husband does not. I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder.

[mamatulip]

I like 'best' and 'cheers', and I use 'take care' on occasion. But like you, 'fondly' is a term I don't like. I often do an 'xo' at the end of a personal email (or comment), too.

This post made me think -- when I first started emailing I remember not being sure how to close them -- there was a part of me that was kind of taken aback by the fact that an email seemed so much more impersonal than a handwritten letter.

[Elisabeth]

Very nice post. I am very careful with how I use the word "love" which, frankly, I reserve only for a handful of individuals in my life. With some French relatives, I like to use the phrase "avec toute mon affection" - "affection" is not "amour." I always end my messages to my boyfriend, who does not even know French that well with, "je t'embrasse comme je t'aime." I sign those to my daughter with "mucho love, The Mommy" - I have failed to raise her as a truly bilingual individual, and our terms of endearment to each other have never been French ones.

As always, it is a pleasure to visit your blog. And congrats on the housecleaning, it's way too hot here to undertake anything of that sort, although I should.

[V-Grrrl]

Welcome back Elisabeth!

[Nance]

Raised in a big, bouncy, huggy, affectionate family, we gave love immediately--almost on sight. I soon learned how intimidating that can be to those not used to similar circumstances, especially adults. Later in life, I found that early familiarity can also sometimes have a bad result. It made me more reserved when it came to giving. Or maybe it all just comes more with age.

[Mary-LUE]

Great points, V. I feel awkward at signing off on an email a lot of the time. It is so common just to put your name now, but that seems too abrupt. The more traditional Love, Sincerely, etc., don't seem right either. I like how you do it and I agree with the unexpected benefit: the awareness of the evolution of a relationship.

[Shirl Grrrl]

And let's don't forget "Love ya!", "Love ya'll!" or "Love ya bunches!". I also like "C ya!" if I'm in a peppy mood. Emails to teachers I usually end with "Have a great day!" or "Thanks a bunch!". Business-type emails or letters to new cousins can be ended with a simple "Regards". Have you ever seen the animated version of "Olive, the Other Reindeer"? Remember the postman is sending Santa hate mail and Olive reads one of the and it's like, "Dear Santa, I hate Christmas and a bunch of other negative stuff" and is signed, "Love, Bobby" (can't remember exact name). It's such a hoot! Well, gotta run...
Love, Shirl Grrrl

[littlepurplecow]

I'm big on "Regards" with personal emails and notes to friends, and still use "Your Pal" on occassion, but ALWAYS end with "Thanks" before hitting return and typing my name on business emails... if for no other reason than the fact that I'm thankful that they took the time to open and read my email.

[Amber]

That is why I use the :) face thingy.
And then sometimes the OXOX.
Or often just a heart.

But I love the idea of just going with it--whatever you feel at the moment. And the world will not be hurt by a little more "love"!

:) LOVE

[V-Grrrl]

Shirl Grrrl is one of the people that I've known since 7th grade. We're still weathering awkward stages together. We've gone from flat chests to back fat. It's sad, but at least we can sign with the "L" word.

And notes to teachers? Don't you think we should sign those "Sympathetically yours" ? ; )

And Amber is a fellow Believing Soul, so we share the cosmic love. : )

And lilpurplecow, I like "Your pal." It conjures my inner 9-year-old and makes me think of people I might sit on a porch and eat watermelon with. You know you're true friends when you spit seeds together and wipe the juice off your chin with the back of your hand.

I only use Regards on formal business e-mail because using it anywhere else makes me feel like I'm taking myself WAY too seriously."Thanks"--yeah, there's not enough gratitude in the world!

[Peter]

I read your post still half knocked out after a hectic day - (the pool was way too crowded ;-) so I immediately linked to
(http://www.sho.com/site/lword/) HBO's "The L word".

But I soon started realizing is was about signing many of your personal email with "‘Love, Veronica". You sure are a lucky woman...

[V-Grrrl]

Yeah, this is about the OTHER "L" word.

Love.

And, hmmmm, LUCKY.