Compost Studios

I am a writer, nature lover, budding artist, photography enthusiast, and creative spirit reducing, reusing, and recycling midlife experiences through narrative, art, photos, and poetry. 

I can be reached at:

veronica@v-grrrl.com      

Backdoor
The Producers
Powered by Squarespace
 

Copyright 2005-2013

Veronica McCabe Deschambault, V-Grrrl in the Middle, Compost StudiosTM

Content (text and images) may not be cut, pasted, copied, reproduced, channeled, or broadcast online without written permission. If you like it, link to it! Do not move my content off this site. Thank you!

 

Disclosure

All items reviewed on this site have been purchased and used by the writer. Sale of items via Amazon links generates credits that can be redeemed for online purchases by the site owner. 

 

Advertise on this site

Contact me by e-mail for details. 

Tuesday
Oct172006

Moment of truth

It’s a Tuesday night and I’m in a dimly lit dressing room at Carrefour facing the ugly truth: expat life has expanded more than my horizons—it’s also expanded my hips and thighs.

I would rather be at Galleria Inno confidently sliding myself into some sleek black designer fashion. Instead I’m combing discount racks under fluorescent lights looking for a cheap pair of jeans that won’t leave me looking like a denim sausage. My expat fat, in a bold move, has successfully evicted my ass from my U.S. pants. The shame of it!

Unsure of my European size (or my American size for that matter), I eyeball some pants and take an educated guess. I find all the pants in my size clustered over in one section. There’s a sign hanging over the racks. I wonder what it says? I have left my Mademoiselle sizes behind me and entered the sinister turf of Les Plus Grandes Madames. Give me grief about it and I’ll sit on you.

As I shimmy into pair after pair of pants, I wonder whether the lack of a full length mirror in my house has been a blessing or a curse. Maybe if I’d seen my figure taking on snowman proportions I wouldn’t have slid so far down the slippery slope of weight gain.

Always health conscious and interested in fitness, I watched my diet and exercised regularly in the U.S. I was always aware of balancing out my food choices over the course of a day. If I got mayo on my sandwich, I skipped the cheese. I never put butter on my potatoes, bread, or vegetables, was aware of portion sizes, and resisted desserts and sweets under most circumstances. I kept junk food out of the house, except for special occasions. I began every day with a morning weigh in and as soon as the numbers started to creep upwards, I adjusted my eating and exercise habits to bring them back down. It was all second nature to me, a way of life.

But in the months following my arrival in Belgium, my routine eroded and I lost my discipline. With so much of my life now unfamiliar and uncomfortable, it was easy to use food as a substitute for all I was missing. It became a reward for all we’d been through as well as a celebration of our new life. As I approached the one year anniversary of our arrival in Brussels, I resolved to mend my bad habits and re-establish discipline in my eating and exercise routines. And I failed. No excuses.

But as the clerk checks my purchases and I fold my new jeans into the bag, I renew my vow to send my expat fat packing and bring my skinny ass home where it belongs. It will be grand day when my fat pants land in the giveaway pile in our basement, ready to move on and move out.

October 17, 2006

Tuesday
Oct172006

Overheard at my house

In my daughter’s class, there’s a No Body Contact rule. Anytime someone is having a problem keeping their hands to themselves, the children invoke “NBC!”

E-Grrrl and Mr. A have been sent upstairs to brush their teeth before school. I hear some squealing and shuffling and then E-Grrrl’s voice hollering out, “NBC!!!!”

Mr. A hisses something under his breath.

What did he he say? I ask E-Grrrl.

He said “S.Y. P.” she replies.

“S.Y.P.?”

“That’s Shut Your Pie-hole,” Mr. A calls down.

***

We're at the dinner table at Bernie and Janet’s house after being served a Thanksgiving caliber feast, and the table is getting ready to be cleared.

“Did you have enough to eat?” someone chimes to Mr. A before taking his plate.

He pats his stomach happily and says,  “My dinner stomach is all full, but my dessert stomach is ready and open for business.”

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved. www.v-grrrl.com

Monday
Oct162006

What not to say

My husband E is a high-energy, hardworking, multi-tasking, do-it-now kind of guy. He’s all about neatness, efficiency, and getting things done. And he’s married to a woman who has strayed farther and farther from his straight and narrow path in life. The older I get, the more I see dedication to domestic perfection as an obstacle to happiness. I don’t like clutter, I don’t like things to get really dirty, but I can live with a lot of untidiness. I’ll clean it up—eventually. I’m not a “clean-as-you-go” Grrrl; I’m a "I'll-get-around-to-it" type. I fully admit there are some things I just don’t care about.

For example, I don’t make my bed anymore—it’s isolated from the living areas and I never see it during the day, why bother? I often leave the dirty breakfast and lunch dishes on the counter until dinner time and clean up before I cook. I’m great about doing laundry but horrible about putting it away promptly. Living in a three-story house with a washer and dryer in the basement is a challenge.  How many trips up and down the stairs can I make in a day, with my arms full, no less?

 I only iron for weddings and funerals. I'm sure this is because I'm middle-aged, and  I'm getting used to wrinkles in all forms .  The foyer is littered with all that we drop when come through the door and items waiting to be carried upstairs. This is efficient in its own twisted way--it's a central location.  The kitchen hosts reading material as well as meals—stacks of books and magazines next to stacks of plates. E-Grrrl drops her stuff all over the house, and I’m not quick to order her or her brother to put things away. I'm normally too busy barking at A to do his homework to care. While  I do have a penchant for organization, in a house with ONE closet, it’s hard to find a place for everything.

My laid back approach to housework is contrasted by E’s. He is the White Tornado. He steps into the house and immediately grabs either a mop or a damp rag and starts cleaning. He is normally issuing orders to the kids to put things away before they’ve even come into the room. I try not to take it personally or see it as an indictment of all I've failed to accomplish while he was at work. I rationalize this is just the way he is, that he’s not the type to sink into a chair on the terrace and sip a beer at the end of the work day.

The larger truth is that while E and I were once completely synchronized in our quest for domestic order,  I veered off track and chose a dirt road  once we had kids. We have evolved into a married version of Oscar and Felix. It’s not easy for him, and it’s not easy for me.

A lot has been written about the importance of communication in relationships. This is the basis of intimacy and conflict resolution. Nearly every self-help book and therapist on the planet encourages you to express your needs, wants, and feelings. Dr. Phil makes millions of dollars giving people scripts to confront or address the ones they love.

But here at Chez V, we take a different approach. E and I are still together because we’ve learned what not to say to each other. In a twist on tradition, E shows me how much he loves me by not speaking to me. I give you:

Ten Things My Husband is Wise Enough Not to Say

1. Who used all the water in the Brita pitcher without refilling it?

2. How long is the dining room table going to be covered in art supplies?

3. Call Bono! We could end world hunger with the crumbs accumulating under the table!

4. I see you’re ignoring the laundry baskets—was it something they did or something they said?

5. I assume from the looks of things that the dishwasher is broken?

6. The cobwebs and dustballs—are those Halloween decorations?

7. Which do you think is higher—the pyramid of shoes and backpacks in the foyer or the pile of clean clothes on our bed?

8. You know, my mother used to plan all our menus a week in advance.

9. Are those your clogs I tripped over in the hall or E-Grrrl's?

10. Wow, that’s a nice collection of mugs on the desk--or are those paperweights?

October 16, 2006

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved. www.v-grrrl.com.

Saturday
Oct142006

I prefer to do it with the lights on

Amber recently blogged about things that comfort her, and on her list was taking showers in the dark. A number of commenters chimed in and said, oh yeah, showering in the dark is SO RELAXING, and so on Friday night I thought I'd  treat myself to a hot shower sans light and join the cozy club over at Chez Amber's.

I put on the bathroom heater, hang a fresh fluffy towel next to the shower, set my robe and Ugg slippers in place, make sure the floor is cleared of obstacles, and then cut off the lights and cut on the water.

I tip my head back into the hot water, and reach for the shampoo. Hmmm, exactly where is that located. Oh here's a bottle--is this the Pantene dandruff shampoo or the Pantene extra volume for fine hair? I guess it doesn't matter. I lather up and rinse, and frankly, I'm not finding the whole "shower-in-the-dark" experience to be exceptional. I inhale, exhale, wait for a big rush of happiness. It doesn't come.

I grab the the slender remnant of my favorite L'Occitane bath soap, and it slips out of my grasp and falls. Damn. Gotta find it. Of course, I can't see a thing in the dark,  but I'm in a shower stall--how hard can it be to locate the soap? I bend down, the water battering my head and neck, and make a casual sweep with one hand and can't find it. That in itself  is a little freaky.

I put my hand on the drain--and think ewwww, how gross--but the soap isn't stuck there.  WTH. Where is it?

Now I'm a woman on a mission--Must. Find. The. Soap. I start running my hands carefully over the shower bottom, and  I can feel soap scum and calc buildup all around the edges.  When was the last time I cleaned this? YUCK!

I give up on the soap. I can't wait to get out of the shower and wash my hands at the sink because I'm so revolted by my contact with the drain and the shower floor. Bleah!

When I hit the lights, I spot the soap stuck on the narrow lip between the shower wall and shower bottom. How is it balancing there? GAH! 

Now that I'm all grossed out by my shower stall, I can't go to bed and leave it in its scurvy state. No, I have to clean it NOW. It's eleven o'clock and out comes the  Lysol, the Soft Scrub, and the grout brush. Scrub, scrub, scrub. Rinse, rinse, rinse. Scrub some more.

I go to bed with my hands smelling like bleach instead of Lancome perfume. Sigh. So much for shower nirvana.

So to all the members of Amber's hip shower-in-the-dark group, all I can say is there are things I love to do in the dark to relax, but showering isn't one of them.

October 14, 2006

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.  www.v-grrrl.com 

Friday
Oct132006

"I'm bringing sexy back..."

I can’t explain why I love the song SexyBack by Justin Timberlake because, quite frankly, it violates all the norms that usually govern my taste in music. I tend to like classic rock and roll and adult alternative music with a splash of blues, light jazz, and country thrown in. I don’t do pop music, dance music, R & B, or hiphop—and yet SexyBack always makes me want to shake my moneymaker (apologies to the Black Crows).

What can I say, sometimes I surprise myself. I even like that falsetto he sings in—go figure.

Anyway, SexyBack got me thinking about songs I find sexy. I’m not talking romantic, stars-in-my-eyes sort of songs, I’m talking sexy—the type of song that resonates on a primal level.

In no particular order, here a few of my favorite sexy songs for your Friday:

1. Father Figure by George Michael. This pervy little wonder strikes a chord. When George croons, “If you’ll be the desert, I’ll be the sea. If you ever, hunger, hunger for me, whatever you ask for, that’s what I’ll be,” I’m there.

2. I’m on Fire by Bruce Springsteen. This isn’t pervy like Father Figure, but it’s vaguely menacing. Springsteen captures the frightening power of lust. “Sometimes it’s like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull, and cut a six-inch valley through the middle of my skull.” Yeah.

3. Closer to You by Dennis Quaid. Yes, THAT Dennis Quaid. This song is from the The Big Easy soundtrack and Dennis does it justice. Languid and hot like a Louisiana day.

4. Hurts So Good by John Mellencamp. Oh yeah, this is the one that probably led to the catchphrase of my early 20s, “Hurt me, hurt me.” Mellencamp’s 2003 CD “Trouble No More” features a cut called “Stones in My Passway” that is clever and sexy. I’m glad he hasn’t quit smoking—because it hurts his voice so good.

5. Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer. This is a classic. "You can't eat, you can't sleep, there's no doubt, you're in deep."

6. Boys of Summer by Don Henley. “I can see you/Your brown skin shining in the sun/ I see you walking real slow with your Wayfarers on, baby” Love the guitar solo, love the imagery of summer fading, and by God, this made me want to get a set of RayBans.

7. Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow, performed by the Dixie Chicks. “Lie to me/I promise, I’ll believe/Lie to me/but please don’t leave.”

8. Give Me the Keys by Huey Lewis and the News. Flirty and playful and loaded with word play.

9. Cowgirl in the Sand by Neil Young. It’s over ten minutes long and includes amazing guitar work. You can get lost in this song, and a lot can happen in ten minutes. 

10. Night Moves by Bob Seger. A nostalgic remembrance of coming of age and first love.  "Working on mysteries without any clues..."

Looking at my list, I realize most of these songs were released YEARS ago. So maybe the appeal of Justin Timberlake’s song for me is that at the ripe old age of 44, I need someone commited to “bringing sexy back.”

What’s your favorite sexy song?

October 13, 2006

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved. www.v-grrrl.com

Thursday
Oct122006

Update

Regarding the recently discovered hole in my heart....

I saw the cardiologist yesterday, and she assured me the hole in my heart was not anything worth worrying about. It does increase my risk for stroke,  but I'm already being treated for an elevated stroke risk because of my atrial fibrillation--so I'm covered. She told me the hole and my heart arrhythmia are entirely separate conditions--one did not cause the other.

The immediate goal is to keep my a-fib episodes under control by adjusting my medication dosage and schedule. If that doesn't do it, then I'll have to have additional testing done, and consult with a specialist.

A part of me will always wish for a permanent solution to my heart problems, but that's not the likely outcome. For now I need to be grateful that things aren't worse, that we have some treatment options, and that for the most part, I'm doing OK.

Thanks to all of you for your concern and support.

V-Grrrl

Thursday
Oct122006

Snapshots from London

...are now in my photo album (see the navigation bar to the right).

Wednesday
Oct112006

Trip to England Part Two: London

We were dragging a bit on the train ride from Portsmouth to London, tired from the weekend’s adventures and the hour time change which was just enough to throw us off balance and cause the children to get up absurdly early.

We had to drag our suitcases about three blocks to the small hotel we’d booked with our train tickets through Eurostar. Our room was on the third floor and the hotel didn’t have a lift. So breathless and overheated from getting our suitcase off the Underground and to the hotel, we faced the narrow stair with a mixture of dread and anticipation. Our “family room” was small but sunny and painted a cheerful shade of yellow. Bumping our luggage into the small space, we collapsed on the four twin beds and caught our breath.

On Friday in Portsmouth, 45 mph winds and rain had buffeted the coast before our arrival, but happily Saturday’s weather had been cool, sunny, and breezy when we toured the dockyard. Sunday’s weather in London was perfect: crystal clear and crisp. Despite our longing for a nap, we hit the street to take advantage of the fabulous weather.

We were staying in Westminister and headed off toward Kensington Gardens. A Sunday afternoon art show was set up along the perimeter and we thoroughly enjoyed viewing all the exhibits, which were hung on the wrought-iron fence circling the park. We bought a small painting of a robin in a snowstorm and the children bought miniature framed tiles for their rooms: Mr. A chose a hedgehog, E-Grrrl a bunny.

We walked through the park to Kensington Gardens and checked out Kensington Palace, best known as Princess Diana’s home after her divorce. I was never a big fan of Diana—she seemed a bit pathetic and unstable, and her attempts to demonize Charles for his affair knowing she’d also been unfaithful were particularly unsavory. She certainly used the media to her advantage, and in that light her death fleeing from paparazzi was an ironic end to her story.

The one thing I admired about Diana was her great short hair and slightly prominent nose, which gave me hope and inspired some of my own style choices. Diana always found a way to make short hair fun and sexy. I bought a post card featuring a black and white image of Diana shot by Mario Testino at Kensington Palace.

We headed toward Hyde Park, taking photos of the amazing architecture along the way. The kids were hungry so we stopped at a street vendor’s for a very late lunch. Three hotdogs, four drinks, close to $30. Ouch. London is one of the world’s most expensive cities.

As the afternoon wore on, the light became even more spectacular. We saw Royal Albert Hall and the separate monument to Albert, an amazing piece of gilded Victorian splendor. We passed through an area of the park that had earlier been used to stage a road race, and soon heard horses approaching behind us. Under police escort, a unit of the Royal Guard, dressed in sharp red jackets with shining silver helmets was riding black horses in formation to Buckingham Palace. We couldn’t believe we’d stumbled upon this mini-parade of sorts.

After snapping photos we followed the Guards on foot, knowing they were heading to Buckingham Palace. Naturally we fell behind walking, but E-Grrrl broke out in a run, her Stride Ride mary janes and purple Adidas track suit carrying her behind the horses all the way to the palace gate.

When we caught up, I took it all in: Buckingham Palace. The Victoria Monument. Big Ben’s elegant face and golden spire rising in the distance in a perfect blue sky. I had one of those moments where I couldn’t believe this was my life, even for a day, amazed once again I had come to this place, this moment.

We basked in all the royal glory with other camera-toting tourists before pushing our weary feet on toward Westminister Abbey, the coronation and burial place of most of England’s monarchs. Once there we admired the architecture, and then I ducked into the Westminister Abbey gift shop while E went around the corner to photograph Big Ben and Parliament before the light faded. I figured if I was going to drop a wad of money in London, I wanted it to benefit the Abbey, which is home to the Anglican Communion.

I loved this gift shop. An avid tea drinker, I’ve been collecting tea bag caddies from all over Europe, simple and small souvenirs that I use daily. I bought Christmas ornaments of miniature Royal Guards, and E and A picked out stained glass sun catchers representing scenes from the Abbey’s windows. A pile of postcards to scrapbook and a refrigerator magnet were added on to make the purchase really sing. Ka-ching!

After a quick walkabout around Big Ben, we opted to take the Underground back to our neighborhood for dinner. We were beyond tired. Later when E calculated how far we’d walked that day, the figure he came up with was close to six miles. The ultimate of our European Death Marches. I slipped my boots off under the table in the restaurant and surreptitiously massaged my feet. I was amazed at how far we’d gone and how much we’d seen.

In the morning we were all sore. The weather was gray and unpleasantly humid. I had packed for cooler weather and felt uncomfortably warm, but at least it wasn’t raining. We opted to ride the Underground out to London Tower and Tower Bridge, the site of so much misery, so much history, so much mystery. I never fail to be surprised by the ancient ruins surrounded by modern development in European cities. Here a wall the Romans built to protect their empire stands in proximity with the fortress built by the British to protect theirs and all around it is modern London, bustling with traffic and activity.

Despite our vow to avoid all unnecessary walking, we couldn’t resist following a path along the Thames for as long as possible before grabbing the Underground to get to the London Eye. We needed to pick up the tickets we’d purchased online for a noonday ride. The London Eye is the world’s largest Ferris wheel, reaching a height of 443 feet above the Thames, higher even, than Big Ben. A single revolution takes a half hour, and visitors are esconced in small groups in large glass capsules that afford an unprecedented view of London. This was the part of the trip the kids had been waiting for.

We arrived just in time to get our tickets and join the queue getting on board. While E was wishing for Sunday’s blue skies, I was admiring the moodiness and drama of the grey clouds overhead. In the last 10 years or so, I’ve developed a fear of heights—but it’s a selective fear. I’m not afraid of flying and the London Eye’s slow ascent and descent were fine, but a real Ferris wheel with swinging benches makes my stomach clench.

We had a bit of time after our ride to tour but by this point I was beyond wanting to see another thing. I’m embarrassed to say we slipped into McDonald’s for a late lunch. My heart was out of rhythm, and I was feeling seriously overheated and overtired as we made the trip back to the hotel. So many stairs, in and out of the Underground, then a three block walk to the hotel where we picked up our luggage and prepared to carry it three blocks back to the station. E, seeing my distress, hoisted my bags and doubled his burden. By the time we got to the station, I thought one more flight of stairs would surely send me to the ER. I plopped in a café, E bought me water, and I popped an extra dose of heart meds and tried to cool off and catch my breath.

Exhausting, yes. Worth it? You bet. E and I are heading back to London without the kids in March and plan to hit the Salvador Dali museum, the National Gallery of Art, and take in some of the West End sights. I think I should join a gym now to get ready!

October 11, 2006

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

Tuesday
Oct102006

Portsmouth, England photos...

...are now in my photo album,  in the navigation bar to the right.

Tuesday
Oct102006

Trip to England Part One: Portsmouth

As I came down the stairs this morning, my legs and feet still ached from our weekend in England. My scuffed black boots in the foyer are a reminder of the miles and miles of city pavement we crossed during a fast-paced weekend of sight seeing. Who knew being a tourist could be can extreme sport?

E’s colleague Bernie lives in Portsmouth, England, and he and his wife, Janet, graciously invited us to visit their home and tour their town. Bernie has a flat in Brussels and travels to Portsmouth on weekends. I had not clue how long his weekly commute was until we joined him on it.

With luggage stringing behind us and Bernie at the front of our queue, we grabbed a bus to Gare du Midi, filled out the appropriate paperwork to enter England, and took Eurostar through the Channel Tunnel to London, a trip that took slightly more than two hours.

In London, we arrived at Paddington Station which was buzzing with Friday-night travelers and snaked through the crowds and lines to catch a second train to take us to Portsmouth, on England’s south coast. After a little more than an hour on the train, Janet and her dad met us at the station and soon we were unloading our bags at Bernie and Janet’s cozy home. My children, A and E-Grrrl, were instantly besotted with Molly, a Jack Russell terrier and spent the time before dinner entertaining her by tossing and squeaking every item in her toy box.

Janet served a wonderful dinner of beef tips in gravy, carrots, green beans, Yorkshire puddings, and baked potatoes. I thought the children would swoon when she brought out a fresh baked pie made with apples from her garden and asked the children if they’d like custard, cream, or ice cream on top.

Saturday morning Bernie whipped together a traditional English breakfast—eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, fried potatoes, mushrooms, baked beans, and tomatoes. Fat and happy, we waddled off for a day of sightseeing in Portsmouth.

Portsmouth offers historic ships, castles, forts and museums, but we focused on Portsmouth's Royal Dockyard –the traditional home of the Royal Navy for centuries and home to Henry VIII's Mary Rose, Admiral Lord Nelson's flagship HMS Victory, and the Victorian iron clad HMS Warrior1860.

E has read Patrick O’Brian’s series of historical maritime novels over and over again and was thrilled to have a chance to see some fighting ships from that period and visit the related museums. We checked out some of the ships in the dockyard and then bought tickets to tour the HMS Victory, which Admiral Lord Nelson commanded in the Battle of Trafalagar, a pivotal victory against the French during the Napoleonic Wars. Nelson, a beloved historical figure, died on the Victory after being wounded by a French sniper in the heat of the battle. How much did E enjoy the tour of the Victory? He took more than 60 photos of the ship!

It was interesting to see the interior of the ship, the gun decks, sleeping quarters, galley, and storage areas and the complex mechanics of the deck’s many sails, but I was most interested in the story of Lord Nelson himself, the United Kingdom’s most famous naval hero. He was known not just as a military strategist but as a charismatic and well-loved leader who inspired those above him and below him in rank and exhibited great personal courage during battles.

Lord Nelson was the son of an Anglican minister and the museum we visited devoted exhibit space to evidence of the depth of his faith and involvement in the church. And yet years into his marriage, he fell in love with the young wife of one of his best friends and had a torrid affair with her, abandoning his own wife and living openly with his mistress and her husband in a ménage a trois. Emma Hamilton had lived in a brothel as a teenager and been the mistress of several prominent men before marrying one and then becoming Nelson’s mistress. She bore him three children, only one of which survived.

As a writer, I’m fascinated by his personal story. How did one who apparently kept the faith and was known for outstanding professional character reconcile this affair with his beliefs? How did his wife bear the humiliation and pain of his divorce during a time when such things just were not done? What was it like for him to have the devotion of his sailors, officers and countrymen but be unable to marry or legally provide for the woman he loved? She ended up in debtor’s prison after his death. Their daughter went on to marry a minister and while claiming Nelson as her father she refused to acknowledge her mother as Emma Hamilton.

After our tour of the Royal Dockyard, we took a quick look at the city’s castles and fortresses, some dating to Roman times, and made our way back to the house where Janet served a roast chicken and gravy, bread stuffing, sausage, roast potatoes and parsnips, carrots and broccoli, and Yorkshire pudding. It was like Thanksgiving! We had a delicious baked meringue covered with strawberries, raspberries, and cream to end the day.

The following morning Bernie fortified us with another of his English breakfasts and we headed by train back to London.

(Coming soon--the ultimate urban death march around London.)

October 10, 2006

Copyright 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.