Changes in Christmas tradition

It used to take me days to decorate for Christmas. I was one of those women who left no surface untouched by holiday merriment. My bannister was dressed in greens, ribbon, and gingerbread men. My doorways ALL swathed in garland. Every hutch, cabinet, and table featured a nativity set or plate collection or tableau of adorable snowmen or wooden reindeer or a bowl of holly and pinecones. Stockings were hung in the windows and along the mantel. There were angel suncatchers, candles, ribbons, greenery, wreaths, decorated baskets, all of it. I photographed my decorative themes  so I could remember how to set things up the following year. Everything had to be "perfect."

Every holiday season we did the same events: the Christmas parade, a gingerbread house museum, a festival of decorated trees, the Nutcracker, choral performances, church Christmas pageants and services, office Christmas parties, and bunches of other holiday events we received invitations to. I baked cookies, made fruitcakes, and every other year, I hosted a big open house at our home and invited 50-60 people. Each child had an Advent calendar and a mini Christmas tree and every night we said Advent prayers and lit the candles on our Advent wreath. We had everyday Christmas plates and mugs to use all through December and fine holiday china for the big day. E decorated the front of the house with lights. Throughout December I wore holiday jewelry and sweaters and was Little Miss Christmas. For at least fifteen years, that's what Christmas looked like at Chez V.

Today, the thought of all my over-the-top holiday celebrations makes me shake my head in wonder because now I celebrate Christmas so differently.  I've been scaling back  for years, and I'm down to the essentials. I left many of my holiday decorations in storage in the U.S., and I don't even put out all the ones I brought with me to Belgium. Now it's all about hanging a few wreaths, setting up ONE nativity set (I used to do four or five!), having a Christmas tree, and attending church.  Forget the rest.

The kids make paper chains and hang them where they choose. We still have an Advent wreath but I'm late getting it out this year. I send out some cards and small gifts  but don't host parties. As for holiday events, the kids didn't even want to attend the local tree lighting on Friday night, preferring to sit by the fire with books. We've gone to one Christmas market in Germany, we may attend a parade on the 28th, but other than that, only church services are on our schedule--and no one seems to mind a bit.

Yesterday we put our tree up, and for the first time in 26 years, we have COLORED lights on it. I've always liked the tree to have a slightly rustic, old-fashioned look and white lights were part of that. When the kids asked E if we could have colored lights, he said, "Ask your mother." I'm sure he expected me to shudder slightly before saying no, remembering all the Carefully Orchestrated Christmases of years past. Instead I said, "Sure, why not? Whatever you want."

Yes, I still like white lights better, but over the years I've seen that how Christmas looks has little to do with how it feels. When we're gathered together around a table in December, sharing love with far flung friends and family, attending church, or sitting around the tree together, life is perfect whether it's wrapped in garland and bows or not.

December 10, 2007

Comments

[Tonya]

This is our first Christmas at home with a child! That makes it more fun. My husband likes the white light thing, too, so our tree has both - and when it is just us we can just turn on the white lights. But when G is awake we go crazy with the colors! : )

[Claudia]

Colored lights are pretty - we've gone that route a thousand times. This time, I overruled. (Bear in mind my angel tree topper is made out of a toilet paper roll). As for life being great wrapped in garland or not, I agree, though, having been a Magpie (or any other animal or bird that enjoys pretty, shiny things) I'll take the garland. :) (It makes for a pleasant boudoir surprise when the s/o comes home and that is all YOU are wrapped in, trusssssssssssst me.)

<<< holiday hugs and sugar sccented O's >>>

[furiousBall]

I pulled all the decorations that were left behind (after the X took basically everything) and I went to my parents and borrowed some of their unused lights. I am trying to make my house as Christmassy as possible for my kids. I can't wait for all this.

[wf]

Merry Christmas

I am required to make this final post to fulfill my course requirements this semsester. Thanks V and your readers for helping me succeed in an interdisplinary project I completed this semester. It was much like a thesis, that required "real time" input. This blog (as well as others) provided input to the project.

I went against all odds - my media prof thinks this blog is one of the worst she's seen; my art prof thinks your art is childish; my writing professor pleaded for me to be inspired elsewhere; my women's studies prof thinks you're an embarrassment; my pyschology prof thinks you're in desperate need of a therapist.

But, I love a challenge. I am an "older than average" doctoral candidate at a major American university. This semester I proposed a project (a full explanation is a thesis proposal type document) and the "gang" here were perfect material. You supplied information for endless discussions!

Now, your wishes will be fulfilled and I will no longer be posting here. It's off to bigger and better things.

[Tj]

Whatever you do, please do not deprive your children of the spiritual traditions you have already started. Many adult who suffer from emotional disorders or have trouble finding peace in their spirtual lives come from childhoods without a spiritual/religious foundation. It has nothing to do with what specific faith you practice.

[Peter]

I almost feel embarrassed mentioning that I've pulled a plug-and-play tree out of a box. My Christmas preparations took me less than five minutes.

While elaborately decorating often enhances the experience, it basically boils down to the feelings associated with Christmas. Having a loving family at one's side is worth infinitely more than all decorations money can buy.

I'm glad you downsized to the essentials ;-)

[Peter]

[Off-topic] The problem with unmoderated comments can be observed when reading the insulting nonsense posted by WF: an anonymous wacko commenter who takes great pride in posting infantile, abusive insults. I'd advice on blocking anonymous (no email, no URL) comments.

[V-Grrrl]

wf,

I can see where working with so many positive, supportive people on your project in the state that gave us the genius named George Bush would indeed require going "against all odds" and perhaps some subterfuge.

I've worked with Belgian university students here as well, assisting them with their projects. Quite a different experience. This blog gets around in academic circles. I have several university professors in America who read it regularly and have corresponded with me.

Happily, I don't really need your professors' stamp of approval. I've been there and done that. I was a high school valedictorian and graduated at the top of my university class, earning the school's highest award for academic achievement and community service as well as every writing award given by both the English and mass communications departments. At the time, some of my writing was published in a mass comm textbook as an example to emulate. I've received state and national awards for my news reporting and creative writing from organizations including but not limited to the Associated Press and the National Federation of Press Women. I've been paid by "little" companies like GE, IBM, CIT, Citicorp, Cisco Systems, AT&T, and Bell Atlantic for my corporate PR advice and writing. I've ghostwritten articles for Fortune 100 executives, been published in national magazines, and was featured in an article by Editor & Publisher. As a news reporter, I went face to face with a prisoner holding a hostage in a maximum security prison, trying to negotiate her release.I'm looking forward to resuming working professionally.

That said, I'm proud of this blog and the community here and the people I've met. It's enriched my life immeasurably, improved my writing, increased my self awareness, and helped some people deal with tough times as well as ordinary days.

It's brought me a lot of happiness, and now I can say it helped advance your academic career. Well, well. Who would have guessed?

Good luck with the cadre of Grinches on campus who seem bent on undermining your confidence in your ability to choose a subject and manage a project. I'm glad I didn't have mentors like that.

Say hi to Jen, polysci, Tj, and Anon for me and all the other nice people in San Antonio. Yes, we've been onto you while you've been onto us. Squarespace has been tracking activities from your area since your first nasty comment. It's been a subject of discussion behind the scenes...nothing that's done on a computer is anonymous you know.

[Expat-CIT]

wf (also posting as: Jen, Tj, Anon, etc.)...by the way, why are you still posting as Tj? Is that your carefully crafted "let's experiment with the nasty / nice posts" personality?

Too bad that university in Texas can't teach you the one thing you really need to learn - how to be a compassionate human being.

As for you giving yourself airs about your "doctoral work"...well perhaps you'd better give up your assumptions about all of the "stupid, uneducated" (I can read between the lines of your comments about the "gang") readers who post on this blog. Never know who has what degree now, do you? And FYI, PHD does not equal superior intelligence. Ask any REAL person with a PHD, who doesn't use the title to belittle others, and you'll find that's what they'll say.

Hey V, it looks like it's going to be a Happy New Year!

And to all the rest of the so-called "gang", so glad you're out there! :) You keep it real and that's what it's all about. Cheers to y'all!

[CB]

wf is a farce. If the profs wf feigns to speak for exist, let them speak for themselves.

[AB]

Oh the shame I feel since learning the origins of the anonymous and incredibly abusive blogger "WF". Being that I'm also from Texas, I'm no stranger to the public idiots who bring daily humiliation to the rest of us who live here. To reveal the reason for one's presence/participation in blog commentary to be merely an educational foray into interdisciplinary studies is one thing. To sign off by delivering unnecessary unkindness on your way out the door is another. WF, you add insult to injury with the intention of substantiating your faux presence by fabricating a web of stories about would-be professors from all disciplines who uniformly scorn this blog and its author. If were a real doctoral student, rather than a sad-but-smarter-than-the-average-fry cook at Arby's (and I suspect you spend your dinner break on the internet) you would shed your anonymity and invite "the gang here" as you describe us to know you in a legitimate kind of way. As all cowards (and liars) must, you continue to throw your verbal rocks from behind the protective skirts of a fake identity. Doctoral student, my ass! You're nothing more than a drive-by shooter. How do I know this? Because I suspect you've returned to this blog since leaving your alleged "last comment" if for no other reason to view the fallout from your sociopathic words. Sitmeter will most likely tell that tale. And that says more about you than you could ever say about V-Grrrl...or the rest of us.

[Anastasic Beaverhausen]

So...either these losers are either enrolled at Trinity University or University of Texas at San Antonio. Neither of these places are "big shakes" in this state or any other so I wouldn't worry too much about them.

[RD]

WF simply wants attention--who knows for what pathetic reason. Best thing to do is ignore or block postings from him/her if you can. I wouldn't waste one more breath or thought on this person, uncharitable as that may sound. Those "profs" are likely figments of an imagination,and there's likely something pretty sad going on there.

Anyway...your post is timely in that I'm recovering today from our open house last night. It had been a couple of years since we did a Christmas, so we are having a good time with a few decorations and all, and I'm proud to say I've not purchased one more Christmas item this year. Really trying to simplify my life. But Christmas is special.

[vaninnie]

While trying to simplify aspects of my mid-life, my children delight in the traditions created through decorating for ALL holidays (yes, their elementary-aged selves get upset when the hearts don't come out for Valentine's Day), thus I've happily turned over the task to them. They arrange my Russian Santas in ways I'd never thought to. Bravo on letting yours hang paper chains where they please.

I'm just pouring a glass of wine & enjoying the fruits of my labors! Be well.

[Elisabeth]

Good grief - who the f**k are you, wf? A pathetic, self-described "older than average" doctoral candidate at a major American university, but, most of all, a wacked schizo who spews her bile on this blog under various names.

I guess that they give PhD's in nastiness at your school, and they must be hiring their own, based on what you claim your professors' opinions were on V-Grrrl's blog. By the way, your own story is a bit murky, because a doctoral candidate would not be taking courses in media, art, writing, women studies and psychology. If you were a "real" PhD candidate, you'd have one area of specialization - of course, you claim to dabble in the interdisciplinary, so maybe your program and your project are legitimate.

The one who really needs a therapist is you, WF.

And V-Grrrl - can you block this person so as to prevent her from ever trolling around here? But, in the future, it would be best to either delete this person's comments or to completely ignore them.

[Anastasic Beaverhausen]

Besides...there are no "major American universities" in San Antonio. Universities? Yes...but nothing major. Also, it matters not whether the doctoral candidate is older or not, but I guess these kids figured it made them sound more important by working that into their story. Sounds like a few sorority undergrads had a few too many rum & cokes and hit the computers before they sobered up. Or maybe it was just one person. One person with Multiple Personality Disorder. It's so sad when cousins marry.

[Tj]

Yikes
Who are those people you've associated me with? Guilty by association because I live in SW Texas?

I live in New Braunfels, I work in San Antonio. I often visit your blog, when I have time before or after work. I got here from a link off another blog I was reading. I don't know those other readers from TX. All I can do is offer a Texas sized apology for the folks who do not represent the state well.

I'm sorry if I have offended you or your readers. I haven't been reading or posting long, but this feels like an uncomfortable place to be.

[impy]

uber reeeeeeeeeeeeedickulous. and Tj? of the two letter name, surely you must have noticed from the comments that the "group" you were relegated to, was in theory one person? It's nearly as if you hadn't read the comments. Or????? I'm beyond skeptical at this point. V, good on you, for describing your true self on here. Not being afraid to squarely state the facts of who you have been, are, and hope to be. I just don't know of anyone who would accept tuition fees from a PHD student and then encourage them to surf blogs, antagonizing people? Call me crazy,,,,,no wait thats you wf. Have fun giggling it up with your little imaginary teachers, that's ok. I would create a fantasy land of people, schools, teachers, "profs" as well, if I had such trouble socially integrating. I wonder if you can even conceptualize wf, that your buttons were intentionally being pushed all along? A bit of an experiment yourself, you were. Snort.

[Mignon]

Whoa. I was going to say something about bubble lights, but I'm afraid what the art, writing, women's studies and psych professors might say about me.

Ah what the hell. I like bubble lights. There. I said it. Now, you Major American University Professors in San Antonio, kiss my ass.

[wendy]

As I was a special needs teacher...my best advise is to ignore unwanted behavior. Thats all I have to say about that.

Now on to the important topic of Christmas decorations. My kids are now addicted to overboard. I have not been able to get the itch this year...but have been proceeding backwards anyway.

My tree remains naked in the living room...The girls tree is finished in the den.
Maggie asked when I was going to finish mine...I just growled.

Now that's real Christmas Spirit.

That is part of it, though...Every year I go through my grinch phase..and then, when it's least expected..I'm hit with the feeling...and my mood tranforms..as does my tree. Now that I call miraculous.

I hope Christmas rings true for you this year,
my friend.