Neil Interviews V-Grrrl--World Exclusive!

I'm proud to have inspired Neil to launch The Great Interview Experiment, a project that has bloggers interviewing each other and posting the results. I was fortunate enough to have Neil himself interview me. (Kiss my grits, Wendy!)

I've been reading Neil for about two and a half years now. I knew him when he only had a handful of commenters, y'all, before he built his harem community of female readers and a following of men who liked his thought-provoking posts about sex everyday life, sex marriage, career, sex American culture, sex therapy, blogging, sex and politics. He also writes about the Olive Garden, his mother, Abba, restaurant coupons, his hometown of Queens ,  and life with his wife Sophia, who may or may not be a midget and may or may not remain his wife. 

Did I mention he graduated from a fancy schmancy Ivy League university AND prestigious film school? I bet you already guessed that based on his blog's intellectual subject matter and high-brow attitude.

Proof that Neil reads V-Grrrl and wears women's panties. He's so embarassing.

Neil is a New Yorker living in LA and one of the most entertaining and original bloggers on the planet. He's been a V-Grrrl in the Middle reader for years now, and I'm thrilled to post his interview with me:

Neil: I've been reading your blog for a long time, and I recently went back to read you first posts. Your blog started out more an exploration of being an expat -- an American in Belgium . More recently, your writing has become personal, even emotional, and less focused on your surroundings. Was this a creative choice form or has something happened in your life during this past year to change something in you?

V-Grrrl: It wasn't a creative choice as much as it was an evolution. When I first became an expat, the changes in my life were all encompassing, and I was focused on dissecting and analyzing everything that was different. After a while, Belgium became home and life felt more ordinary. Being an expat became a smaller part of my identity and less a topic of my writing.

Another reason my writing has become more personal is that over time I've become more comfortable in sharing my emotions and my life on my blog. It makes for more powerful writing. I try to keep my posts authentic, even if it means revealing things I'm not proud of. That takes courage and was stressful at first, but then as the gap between my "public persona" and my private self narrowed, I felt better, more confident in myself and less afraid of what others would think. It's been liberating to share the good, the bad, and the ugly with my readers, to share my humanity with them.

Finally, I think midlife is an introspective time. So much is going on in my life right now as my marriage matures, my kids grow up, and I take stock of my choices and the relationships I have. For me, it's a time of reckoning, and the emotion of that comes through in my writing.

Neil: You are moving as I write this. Are you moving back to America for good? Why are you moving? What will you miss most about Belgium ? The pissing boy fountain? What will you miss the least? Are you nervous about the move? Or happy about the change?

V-Grrrl: Our plan was always to stay in Belgium for three years, though we did consider staying longer. There are practical considerations driving our decision to return now, things related to my husband's career and also the children's education. I love Europe but want my children to launch into the world from America. As a "trailing spouse," I haven't had a work visa or permit or an opportunity to get one here. I'm not ready to retire yet--another reason to head home to America.

Will we stay in America for good? I hope not. My husband and I talk about coming back to Europe as soon as we launch the kids into the world, and I definitely plan to come back and visit friends and family.

What will I miss most about Belgium ? My friends, E's Belgian family, the beautiful architecure, the way it's green year round, the enormous number of parks, and the Belgian sky, which is moody and dramatic. Believe it or not, despite the prevalence of gray skies and horizontal rain, I like the climate here. I have fantasies about moving to the Pacific Northwest now that I've lived in Belgium .

What will I miss least? The howling wind and the crazy drivers.

As for being nervous about the move--yes I am. When you become an expat, you dwell in a space between your native country and your new country. Expats call that "the third culture." I know I'll never feel fully at home in America again, even though it's "home." The surface of my life looks unchanged but I feel profoundly different. How do I settle this "new person" into my old life? Where does she fit?

Neil: How has living in Europe changed you?

V-Grrrl: When you leave your country behind, you truly start over. Life is stripped of its social infrastructure, family ties, community and cultural touchpoints, EVERYTHING. I shed all my "labels" and everyone's expectations. It was terrifying and liberating at the same time. Disconcerting and grounding. For the first time ever, I devoted significant portions of my time to my personal writing and creative pursuits, including art. Living and traveling in Europe , surrounded by people from different cultures and backgrounds, has been amazing and wonderful and so enriching. I'm more open minded, more liberal. Living in a country where I don't speak the language, where new experiences are a daily occurrence, has also given me confidence in my ability to handle myself.

Neil: I didn't know much about your artistic talent until all of a sudden, you started posting your artwork more frequently. Were you always creating artwork and just being shy about showing it, or is this scrapbooking, etc. a new endeavor? Where would you like to take it?

V-Grrrl: I never took art in high school, but in my last year of university, I took studio art, art history, photography, and a beginning graphic design class. I absolutely loved all four classes and regretted that I was graduating and couldn't pursue more art studies. My dilemma since then has been that I've felt like an artist without a medium. I have a good eye for art and a creative sensibility but lack traditional art skills like painting and sketching. I've always gone to galleries and museums and bought art, and I enrolled my children in private art lessons, but I never did anything artistic or crafty until I moved to Belgium .

My friend Sherry introduced me to rubber stamping and cardmaking, crafts I never thought I'd like but came to love. That fed a growing interest in mixed media art, in collage. Last August, one of my readers sent me a book on art journaling, and that inspired me to dare to claim myself as a mixed media artist. I began an art journal and started posting my pages on the blog. As for where I want to head with it--well I want to advance my skills and use of media. I want to continue to art journal and maybe grow into making pieces for display.

Neil: Can I get personal for a second. I've always pictured you as a classy woman, interested in raising her children with strong morals. So, I was surprised at first that, of all my readers, you seemed to always enjoy my sex gags. After awhile I began to notice that your writing is very sensual itself, not overtly sexual, but filled with sights and sounds. Are you aware of these two parts of your personality -- the upscale expat Christian mother AND the lusty sensualist? Do these two distinct personalities ever get you in trouble, like checking out the Reverend's butt?

V-Grrrl: Ah Neil, you know me so well! I am VERY aware of these two parts of my personality; the dichotomy keeps life interesting. My closest friends appreciate "V the Christian Mum" and "V the Lusty Sensualist" in equal measure. I can't say the same for everyone else.

Does it create problems for me? ALL the time. I have to watch how I present myself because not everyone is accepting of my warped sensibilities. My husband doesn't appreciate sexual humor, innuendo, or comments AT ALL, and it's a rough spot between us. He exhibits a lot of forbearance. And me? Must.Bite.My.Tongue.

Once someone accusingly said, "Doesn't the fact that you're a wife and mother mean anything to you?" The question was meant as a reproach for the "inappropriate" nature of some of my comments. All I could think was, "Hmmm, being a wife involves a lot of sex and I became a mother as a result of that. So where are the great chasms separating marriage, motherhood, and sex?"

I have a great sense of humor; I laugh often and laugh loudly. Sex is a very funny business--I can't stop myself from being a bit "naughty" (as Di likes to say). But hey, I appreciate all kinds of humor.

For the record though: I never check out clergy butts, OK? My clergy read this blog, and I just want to make it clear, I'm NOT that kind of grrrl. I am, however, prone to moments of irreverence, the kind of grrrl who hears the Christmas carol Silent Night and thinks, "This will be the LAST silent night of Mary's life. She's got a boy child now. She and Jesus will both be crying in the morning. Wah! Wah! Wah! No more peace on earth for her."

Neil: Is there something that you bought in Europe that is very precious to you that you are shipping very carefully home?

V-Grrrl: I bought fifteen pieces of framed art and some pottery from Italy , Holland, and Poland . My favorite? A small piece of Modigliani pottery I bought in Rome . I wanted to hand carry it in my suitcase because I didn't want to ship it and be separated from it for eight weeks. I practically kissed it goodbye. (Di loaned me a movie on Modigliani over the weekend, and I'm going to watch it this week.)

Neil: Did you stop working full time when you had your kids? I know you worked as a journalist. What are your plans now as the kids get older? Are you secretly writing a steamy novel?

V-Grrrl: I worked as a news reporter years ago, but right before I had children, I was working as an editor for a small publishing firm. After my son was born, I began working part-time from home as a public relations writer and strategist. It was an ideal situation. I worked through an agency on a project-by-project basis for various corporate clients. I wrote Web copy, marketing materials, advertising sections, white papers, and articles. I did a lot of ghostwriting for executives.

I have a mass communications degree, and I think I'm well suited for PR work. I plan to return to it in the U.S. I'm also considering pursuing some freelance writing gigs. Not a fiction grrrl. No steamy novels in me, but I do like to write poetry and essays.

Neil: You met your husband at 17? Did you get married early?

V-Grrrl: I had one serious boyfriend before I met my husband E the summer between my junior and senior years of high school. E was a college senior, five years older than me--attentive, romantic, warm, sexy, considerate. He just kept getting better the longer we dated. I was engaged at 18, and I married E when I was barely 20, during spring break of my second year of college.

I have regrets about some of the choices I made in my 20s, but I don't regret marrying him. We've made a good life together for almost 26 years now. Sure, there are times when we question whether we're meant to stay together; we have different temperaments and sensibilities, but we've persevered.

Neil: Through your blog, I met Di (at least virtually). She takes such wonderful photos of you. How do you know her?

V-Grrrl: Di is from New Zealand and lives in Belgium . I began blogging about the same time she did and we read each other casually for about a year. In the fall of 2006, she sent me an e-mail and told me she was going to launch a photography business and was trying to build a portfolio--would my family mind being photographed? I'd seen her work on her blog and jumped at the opportunity to "model" for her.

I met Di for the first time during that photography session, and I offered to use my PR experience to create a marketing plan and help her with her Web site. Our friendship grew out of that collaboration, and we're very close now. There's an intensity to our bond that I cherish. Our affection for each other shows in her photographs of me--I'm always smiling and have a certain radiance. She brings out the best in me while accepting the wobbly bits. : )

Neil: Where does most of your family live -- like aunts, uncles, etc. Have you missed a close extended family while out of the country.

V-Grrrl: Most of my extended family is based in NY but my siblings are scattered down the East Coast from Maine to Georgia . I rarely see my extended family, and even when I lived in the States, I often went years without seeing some of my siblings. My parents died 16 years ago, so my siblings and I don't have a central place to gather or parents holding us together anymore. The demands of family and career limited our ability to travel. Most of my nieces and nephews are grown now, and I have more than a dozen great nieces and nephews. Even though we all get along fine, my family is not that close, so living overseas hasn't been that big an issue for me.

Neil: Who are your kids like the most? You? Your husband? No one?

V-Grrrl: My children bear little physical resemblance to me. I have brown eyes and curly dark hair and my kids are very fair, blue-eyed blondes with straight hair like their dad. Thankfully, neither of them got my nose! My son's hands are exactly my hands, and he has some of my temperament--a bit of melancholy with a sly sense of humor. He's reserved. He has his father's mechanical intuition and shares my love of science. My daughter got the best of me and my husband in both her aptitudes and character. She's got the prime DNA in the family.

Neil: I notice you like poetry. Is there one poet that really speaks to you?

V-Grrrl: It changes based on where I am in life and in spirit. I used to be devoted to Emily Dickinson , but lately Mark Strand and Billy Collins have been speaking to me.

Neil: Next week is your birthday. You recently wrote a beautiful post about the passing time. Your son even shaved for the first time. I know that time seems to be speeding up for me as I get older. Do you feel the same?

V-Grrrl: My sister was diagnosed with cancer when I was 16 and she died young, on my 20th birthday. I've always been very aware of the transient quality of my life. I live with a clock ticking in the background, and it gives me a certain intensity and point of view. I have to be sure that the things I spend time on matter to me and that the people I love know that I love them. I have low tolerance for BS. I like to savor my experiences. I'm all about process and less about product. I can't stand to rush around or stuff my schedule full of activities. I don't confuse being busy with living a meaningful life. I refuse to sacrifice my time to the American idea of productivity.

Neil: Are you taking cholesterol medicine yet? For me, getting old is when you have to think before you eat a slice of pizza.

V-Grrrl: I was a vegetarian, distance runner, and vitamin popper in my 20s, and health conscious through my 30s. I always exercised and did the right thing. Around the time I turned 40, I developed an idiopathic cardiac problem. God has such a sense of humor. Last time it was checked, my cholesterol was only 155, my blood pressure was that of a 14-year-old, and yet my life includes regular visits to a cardiologist and daily medication. Sometimes my heart fatigues me, and I have to plop on the sofa. It's humbling.

Neil: Are you a good cook? What does everyone ooh and aah over when you make it?

V-Grrrl: I wouldn't call myself a "good cook" because I reserve that label for people who put far more time and effort into cooking than I do. When I bake, I bake from scratch, and I like to make soups. I love garlic. Di thinks everything I cook for her is fabulous. My husband always thanks me for preparing meals. My kids? They're not so impressed and complain a lot. I hate preparing food for my family. I guess that makes me a bad mother.

Neil: You say that you sometimes get prone to depression. I notice a lot of bloggers have this problem. Do you think writers/artists are more prone to depression than more "normal" folk? What snaps you out of your moods?

V-Grrrl: I've dealt with episodes of depression since I was a teenager. At first it was seasonal. As I aged, the episodes got longer, the remission shorter, and the recovery from them was less than complete. I was losing ground. I was encouraged by a friend to get medical treatment about five years ago and it changed my life. Really, it saved my life.

While I do think artists/writers are more empathetic and sensitive to life than others, I don't think they're necessarily more prone to depression; they just express their angst more openly.

What snaps me out of it? I need medication keep my depression under control. Music helps me shift moods, and getting outdoors and taking long walks lift my spirits. The love of family and friends keeps me plugging along through the dark moments, and anyone who makes me laugh out loud is part of my depression cure.

Neil: and lastly... I just had to ask this --
If I asked for a photo of you in a bathing suit , would you send it to me?

V-Grrrl: If Di took the photo, I just might, not because I look great in a bathing suit but because I accept the body I have now better than the one that used to rock a bikini. Watch the mail, Neil. You never know what it will bring. : )

January 28, 2008

An interview with...

Finn of a A Life Less Ordinary. (Questions are based on things I learned about her on her blog. Check it out.)

You've been blogging for a year now. What did you hope to accomplish when you started? Have your expectations been met or changed?

I've actually been blogging for about four years; I had another blog that I closed a few months before this one. For me, blogging is about expressing myself. Giving voice to things that I may not talk to others about. It's also a way to track the changes in my life, to chart my progress so to speak.

I don't really think that I had many expectations when I started; it was a just something that I wanted to try. What I've gotten back is beyond anything I could have imagined.

I can tell from your posts that you've been working to achieve a balance in your life between caretaking for others and living a purpose-driven life. Do you feel you're making progress? What's the hardest part for you?

I do think I'm making progress, although at times it seems to be two steps forward, then one back. I've done a good job of making things more about me once in a while and not being afraid not only to ask for help, but to expect it from time to time. I think that may have been the hardest part: Convincing people that I needed help. It took me a while to get them to understand.

You say you're a hopeless romantic. Describe your fantasy man or fantasy relationship.

My fantasy man simply "gets" me. He understands me and can relate to me. He's strong, decisive and creative. He's sensitive, caring, affectionate and gentle. He's adventurous, loves to travel, loves to read, loves to talk all night. He's got a compatible sense of humor to mine. He's proud of me, encourages me and pushes me to be the best I can be. He is not intimidated by me. And he's uninhibited and unselfish in bed.

Tell us about your novels or one of your favorite characters.

My novels are largely unfinished, but usually deal with the struggle to find love in one's life. Of course that's probably the romantic in me.

I suspect in the future the themes in my writing will change as my journey changes.

You blog, write novels, and take photography classes in your free time. Does your day job take advantage of your creative drive? I'm wondering if your artistic hobbies are an escape from your job or a continuation of what you do in the 9-5 world.

Yes, my job is fairly creative. It took me a long time to realize that I would never be content in a traditional job. I write, edit and layout a monthly newsletter for a union. It requires a gamut of creative abilities, which is ideal for me.

What qualities do you most appreciate about your 9-year-old son?

I love that he's very smart and "gets it" more than most adults I know! I also love his gentleness and concern for others. And he's got a great imagination.

What's the best thing about driving a Mini Cooper?

The best thing is that it is different than most cars out of there. It attracts a lot of attention and comments. It's a ton of fun to drive, and it's good on gas. What's not to love?

I gathered you lived or vacationed in Capri, Italy.  Which was it? What did you like best about European life?

My entire family vacationed there last year for a cousin's wedding. We rented a villa rather than staying in a hotel.

My favorite thing about European life was the pace. It is a lot more relaxed and laid back than the U.S. My second favorite thing was the food: It was all fresh without a lot of crap in it. And much simpler. The wine too.

Are you more likely to go on a shopping spree in Sephora or Staples?

I'm more likely to plan a shopping spree at Sephora, but I'm equally likely to drop a large sum of money at either store. I have as big a fetish for good paper, pens and organizers as I do for makeup and skin care.

When you go to Borders, is it all books, all music, or a mix?

All books. I get my music exclusively from iTunes because it suits my musical style: A little bit of everything. Plus I like to be able to throw a wish list together and listen to the samples a few times before I buy a song.

You post a lot of still life photography. Is this a type of art journal for you or are you interested in gaining commercial work creating stock images or custom ones for media projects?

I like taking pictures, and I like sharing them with my friends. The only commercial aspirations I have for my photography may be selling prints or putting a book together with words and photos. But I have along way to go before my photography skills are good enough for that. 

(Note from V-Grrrl: Last week I left a comment on Citizen of the Month that inspired Neil to host an "I am Somebody" interview event. Participants are interviewing fellow bloggers and posting the results. Stay tuned to read  Neil's interview with me.)

January 22, 2008

Rock on, girlfriends

Di bestowed me with a Rockin Girl Blogger badge of recognition, and invited me to recognize five other Rockin Girls in the blogosphere.

Amber at The Believing Soul is intense, spiritual, and a wiscracking smart ass. This is a rare combination. I love that she asks The Big Questions, sorts through the substantial baggage handed down to her by her dysfunctional family, and makes her way through the ups and down of daily life with grace, humor, and more than a little cussing.  She's my Soul Sister.

Wordgirl at Half of the Sky is navigating the transition from stay-at-home mom of three teenage boys to soon-to-be empty nester. A writer with considerable wit, she's also an artist and a former teacher looking for the best way to use her talents. She's wry and sassy and an ardent feminist. She also despises the color pink and will hate the Rockin Girl button.

Mama Tulip at Where am I going and why am I in this handbasket? is riding the rollercoaster of parenting Julia and Oliver while working through grief over her mother's death. Her writing is smooth even when her emotions are raw. She has tremendous comic timing and doesn't sugarcoat her experiences. She also has multiple tattoos, so how could she not be a Rockin Girl Blogger?

Tammie (aka Teebs) at Soul Gardening was one of my first friends in the blogosphere. Tammie is thoughtful and grounded and writes beautifully and honestly about her life and her past. She struggled for years with infertility and now is dealing with the demands of her darling infant son, who has reflux and doesn't sleep. She sorts through her experiences and emotions with a lot of grace. She's also passionate about music and likes to shake her booty at events like Bonnaroo--a real Rockin Girl.

Nance at The Department is going to have mixed feelings about receiving a Rockin Girl Blogger award. She's not a joiner, she's not a girl, she's not into these sorts of things! She'll  mix a dirty martini and figure out how to handle this. Nance is a high school teacher with a passion for literature, creative writing, and politics. She also has a massive crush on Brian Williams and more than a little interest in shoes and fashion. The Department is a gathering place for smart, witty women and a few sharp men.

Now all of y'all Rockin Girls need to pick up your badges here and share the honor with five of your favorite girl bloggers. Rock on!

July 8, 2007

Blogger thinks I need to speak like a Belgian

Yesterday, Di over in Antwerp wrote a post in Blogger and as she typed the headline in English, foreign characters appeared instead. She's not sure, but she may have posted a headline in Arabic. We hope for her sake that she only said kind, peace-loving things and did not insult anyone. Ahem.

Her dilemma over her mysterious headline made me laugh because a little over a week ago I was over at her site, and when I went to post a comment, the page that appeared with the comment box had all its prompts written in Dutch. I thought she'd re-set her language parameters on purpose since she's a fully-integrated, card-carrying, Belgian-marrying, Dutch-studying Grrrl. The problem was that when I navigated away from her page, ALL the Blogger pages I visited for days afterwards addressed me in Dutch on the comment page.

Clearly Blogger had decided that my posting in English was an insult and that my French was pathetic. The Blogger gods decreed that since I live in Flanders, I MUST speak Flemish. No more excuses!

Y'all, there's a reason I've never learned to speak Flemish (a variation of Dutch), and I'll share it with you. It's not 'cause I'm lazy; I studied Spanish in high school and French in college. Dutch is just different.

The first time I looked at my Spanish and French textbooks, it all seemed vaguely familiar. Some of the words looked just like their English counterparts, the arrangement of vowels and consonants was all cozy and "normal" to the English eye, and the word lengths seemed just right. When you look at Spanish or French you think, "I can learn this language!"

Not so with Dutch. Y'all, Dutch is NOT normal. These folks have a THING for double vowels! All those "aa" and "ii" spellings just hurt my brain. Plus, who knew "g" was such an important letter? In Dutch, if you don't have a double vowel to confuse the English speakers, you can throw in some random "g's" for effect. And if a word doesn't have at least 10 letters, you can always add a "k" or two and fill it out. 

Case in point: Want to know how many people have visited your Blogger profile? Just check your "Gebruikersstatistieken."  Got that? Those are your stats, people!

See what I mean? Dutch is an intimidating language. When I look at Dutch words and try to process them, the image that comes to mind is someone trying to talk while choking on a piece of steak and throwing up in their mouth a little bit.

Don't believe me? Check this out:

"Nog geen opmerkingen oorspronkeliik bericht weergeven."

Do you "hear" the guttural word burp in those words? Doesn't it sound like your mouth is full and you're going to hurl?

Don't be nervous, despite the scary double vowels, that's just Blogger asking me if I want to see the original post while composing a comment.

No thanks, Blogger, I 'll just write my comment and move on to the word verification.

"Geef de tekens op die in de bovenstaande afbeelding worden weergegeven."

Didn't get that? Well hey, Silly, I have to type the characters just as they appear in the box. 

At this point I'm getting uncomfortable. Things are starting to get a little personal.

Now it's one thing for Blogger to ask for my Naam, but when they beg for "Uw webpagina," I just want to slap the monitor. I am NOT revealing my "webpagina" to strangers, Mmmm'kay? Back off!

After sending my comment, I get this: "Uw reactie is opgeslagen en wordt weergegeven wanneer de eigenaar vad de blog toestemming heeft gegeven."

This means someone is holding my "reactie" until it's approved. Hmmm!

I'm sure they want to check out my "webpagina" first before giving me a forum on their site.

Perverts!

Feel free to leave a comment here. I promise not to demand to see your "webpaginas." 

May 3, 2007

There's more than one way to send an electronic card

Today's post is dedicated to Neil Kramer at Citizen of the Month!

Neil's blog is like the big orange sofa in the coffee shop on "Friends." I can't get through the day without stopping by and settling in  with a steaming cup in my hand to catch up on life with my favorite New Yorker (who happens to live in LA).  The only thing better than his original, funny, and thought-provoking posts is the community of commenters he attracts. These are the "friends" who share the sofa and deliver the lines that would make Chandler Bing proud. Neil has built an online neighborhood we all love being a part of.

So today I raise my mug to Neil who has brightened the blogosphere with his wit, charm, and his fabulous cast of supporting characters:

Wishing you a year of good times, good work, good posts, and even better comments!

Happy Birthday to My Blog Crush!

March 7, 2007

Just what I needed

After a month that included major episodes of heart arrhythmia, lots of medical testing, the discovery of a new heart defect, and multiple calls and meetings with my son's teacher, vice principal, and principal, September managed to end on a high note.

Wordgirl at Half of the Sky awarded "Ten Reasons for My Son's School Behavior" a Perfect Post Award for September.

Now if I can just figure out how to insert the Perfect Post button....

Got it!  October is off to a great start.

Blogging, scrapping, and the meaning of life

Once I became a mom, I joined the camera-toting hordes of people who believe their kids are making history every minute of every day.

When my children were infants, I shot a roll of film a week. I kept a baby calendar marking milestones and a lavishly illustrated baby book. I lined them up for professional photographs, and in addition to keeping up my own photo albums, I created photo albums for each of them.

I never did buy a video camera, though I occasionally recorded my children’s voices on cassette tapes. My own journal writing, which I’d been faithfully doing for more than 20 years, tapered off with the arrival of my son and practically ground to a halt with the birth of my daughter.

When it was time to pack for our overseas move, I had to figure out what to do with the thousands of photos, old letters, and journals that had chronicled my life. They filled a large closet from top to bottom.

And then once I settled in Belgium, I took up blogging and scrapbooking, joining millions of people worldwide writing about their days and posting snapshots in elaborate books and online albums. The deeper I get into blogging and scrapbooking, the more I'm fascinated by their popularity. 

Why do we do it?

Why do we seem to be becoming increasingly obsessed with documenting our lives?

On the surface,  it appears to be simply about preserving memories or expressing ourselves artistically or creatively. But I wonder if there isn’t something bigger going on. Are our blogs, scrapbooks, photo albums and discs our way of stopping time and anchoring ourselves in a rapidly changing world? Are they a way to justify our existence—to physically demonstrate that our daily lives mattered?

Some scrapbooks and blogs seem to be an attempt to recreate lives with a more colorful cast of characters—an attempt to whitewash the mundane, portray reality in a flattering light, and write a better story than the one we’re living. They’re like PR campaigns tuned to a positive key message. Other blogs and scrapbooks seem more authentic, an attempt to record what time and discretion might bury and to connect with one’s self and one’s peers. Both groups talk about extending that connection beyond their lifetimes and into the next generation, imagining they’re casually writing a history or biography that someone down the line will appreciate.

This of course presumes that the next generation will care about the minutiae of our lives. I already carry the photographic legacy of my grandparents, who had their first child in 1918, and my parents, who had theirs in 1946. The number of photos generated increases with each subsequent generation. How many will be too many to save? Who will have the space and interest to store and care for generations of memories? I wonder if the scrapbooks and photo albums that we’re laboring over may end up in landfills years from now. Or maybe there will be a special recycling bin for them.

I know from experience that we can’t carry the past, physically or mentally, too far into the future. The truth is that future generations will be more concerned with living their own lives than sharing ours. They won’t want our pasts crowding their closets, basements, or hard drives.

Or will they? What do you think?

© 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

August 29, 2006

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

On August 27, 2005, I stepped into a new neighborhood on the Web and joined an ongoing party in the blogosphere. It was a bit like something out of the 1960s--crashing on a sofa in a crowded stranger’s house, dropping your inhibitions, and taking a hit off the powerful drug that’s being passed around. Once you inhale in the blogosphere, you’re hooked, and all you can think about is sharing the LOVE and the strange trip you’re on. What starts as a series of random hook ups becomes something much more.

The value of blog relationships is that they transcend my physical reality. They allow me to meet and interact with a cast of characters from around the world, operating outside the normal geographic and social filters that determine who my friends are and what kind of people are in my circle. How amazing that as I sit alone at my desk, my world becomes bigger, my point-of-view broader.

The blogosphere reminds me of a masquerade ball where we all arrive in costume. Our masked online personas both hide and reveal who we are and set us up for intriguing relationships that are both distant and intimate.

As we hide behind our monitors, it’s exhilarating to share things we’d probably never cover in normal conversation—our fears, passions, vices, idiosyncrasies, and wisdom as well as the day-to-day grind of life where we are. The paradox of blogging is that we become more of who we are even as we wrap ourselves in anonymity, online personas, or our carefully crafted bios.

I started blogging for all the usual reasons: to have a creative outlet, to discipline myself to write regularly, to keep in touch with far flung friends and family, to capture a unique time in my life, and to nourish my fantasies of fame and book deals.

A year and more than 270 entries later, I’m still typing and mousing, cruising and commenting, and checking my blog first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and many times in between. I’ve been humbled by the talent of some of the writers I’ve met on the Web, and my site meter has squashed all hopes for fame and fortune. Writing day in and day out is a challenge, but one that’s been made easier by some folks in my inner circle.

Special thanks to:

The people who have encouraged and supported my writing forever: Shirl Grrrl, Low Maintenance Grrrl, Lynn, Neil (no, not THAT Neil), Erni Jo, Granola Grrrl, and Steve.

My family members, E-Man, E-Grrrl, and Mr. A, who accept when I’m glued to the keyboard and have respected my passion for writing.

All the bloggers, commenters, and other readers who have given V-Grrrl in the Middle a piece of their day and let me know directly and indirectly that someone was out there listening to what I had to say.

Finally, I raise my glass to the B-List Bloggers who have offered friendship, support, wisdom, and comments in good times and bad.

Blog on!

© 2006 Veronica McCabe Deschambault. All rights reserved.

August 27, 2006

I've seen London, I've seen France.....

But nothing beats Neil's underpants!

Neil at Citizen of the Month is such a fan of V-Grrrl that he's tossing his underwear at the monitor in California in honor of Blogger Appreciation Day.

As you can see, I'm a fan of Neil's too--but I skipped the panties on the monitor.

 Happy Blogger Appreciation Day from Brussels, Neil!

Thanks for the laughs.

Oh, oh, oh!

Only a week ago, THIS was my story. Life without the Big Os.

Enter JMo, a new reader who tracked down a NY bagel company that ships bagels internationally and offered to treat me to two dozen.

I was blown away by his graciousness and generosity. He made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. So over the weekend, we worked out details and my bagels left NY on a plane on Tuesday night. I was embarrassed how excited I was. When I woke in the night, I thought, “My bagels are somewhere over the Atlantic.”

Wednesday night, JMo sent me message telling me he’d checked on the bagels’ location, and they were now in Paris.

Damn, if I knew my bagels were going to Paris, I would have offered to meet them there!

The FedEx tracking page estimated delivery time at noon.

All morning, I tried not to obsess over the bagels, but I couldn’t help myself. I checked the tracking page: they were on the truck, somewhere in Belgium. Every time I heard a car door, I rushed to the window.

By 11:20 I was getting pretty hungry, but I didn’t want to snack because I was saving all my love for the bagels.

11:30 a.m. I hear the squeak of truck brakes. I’m flinging open my door before the guy has even started toward the house.

He looked like a New Yorker, had that stocky Italian build, olive skin, hairy chest, and thinning black hair combed straight back,  He spoke English and was the perfect bagel delivery man.

As soon as he handed me the box, I got a whiff of the onion bagels. Heavenly.

Moments later, a cinnamon raisin JMo bagel was sliced and toasting and the kettle was boiling to make a cup of B-List Blogger tea. The butter was already softened and ready to spread.

On a drizzly, gray Belgian day, life never seemed sweeter.

Thanks JMo for putting a smile on my face and bagels in my freezer. This blog’s for you!