Compost Studios

I am a writer, nature lover, budding artist, photography enthusiast, and creative spirit reducing, reusing, and recycling midlife experiences through narrative, art, photos, and poetry. 

I can be reached at:

veronica@v-grrrl.com      

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Copyright 2005-2013

Veronica McCabe Deschambault, V-Grrrl in the Middle, Compost StudiosTM

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Thursday
Jun212007

Summertime and the livin ain't easy

The first day of summer arrives after several nights of insomnia. There are a lot of fun ways to get tangled up in the sheets; tossing and turning while swatting at mosquitoes isn't one of them.

I got bitten on both cheeks and grew a zit on my chin overnight, a trifecta of ugliness demanding industrial strength concealer this morning. Good thing I already had the Revlon out to deal with my undereye circles.

I'm under the influence of whoremones hormones. I can't decide if I have too much estrogen or not enough. I think the levels change hourly, and even Petey the Black Cat is scared and superstitious. He hasn't slept with me for two nights.

Sleep won't sleep with me either.

So I stare into the dim light and think of everything and nothing and wonder about the shape of my life and the choices I've made and the two kiddos down the hall.

I dare to ask the Big Questions and wish for what I can't have.

And I dream of dreaming, of wandering down the road not taken, of being someone else for a night, or a day, or even a summer.

 June 21, 2007

Copyright 2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle.

Wednesday
Jun202007

Out of time

This is my third summer in Belgium, and I’m still blown away by the impossibly long days. Light licks around the edges of the room darkening curtains at 4:30 a.m., the birds begin singing, and the sun rises only an hour later, long before I want to open my eyes and greet the day.

I may not fall back to sleep, but I’ll linger in bed until at least 7 a.m. on those days when the light summons me too soon. At night, though, my body refuses to go to bed before the stars shine, even when I’m tired. This isn’t a good pattern for someone who needs a lot of sleep.

My home in Virginia was in an area located at the same latitude as Southern Spain. In June, the sky would grow dusky after 8 p.m., the sun would set around 8:40 p.m., and the sky darken at 9 p.m. Fourth of July fireworks would always be launched just after 9 in my hometown.

Here in Belgium, twilight doesn’t draw a veil across the landscape until 9:30, and the sun doesn’t set until after 10 p.m. Light lingers in the sky for quite a while longer. From the third floor of my house, I can see the Atomium (a famous Brussels landmark) on the horizon. By the time it’s dark enough for the evening light show there, it’s about 11 p.m.

Many a night I sit typing at the computer, completely oblivious to how late it’s getting because a lifetime of the summer sun setting around 8:30 p.m. has permanently set my interior clock. By the time it dawns on me, that gee, I’m feeling bone tired, it’s already late. And then there’s the kitchen to clean and a shower to take before slipping between the sheets.

Too often I get to see the digital clock in the bedroom hit 00:00, always a disconcerting site for a North American who is accustomed to clocks running on twelve hour cycles and never, ever displaying all zeroes.

But the zeroes are a good reminder that the day is over, I’m out of time, I MUST GO TO BED. In what will feel like the blink of an eye, the sun will be nudging me awake again, the birds calling me to breakfast.

June 20, 2007

©2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl. All rights reserved.

Tuesday
Jun192007

Thoughts on the "L" word

A few months ago, Neil was showered with cards, gifts, and tributes from fellow bloggers in a virtual birthday party organized by his wife, Sophia. When it came time to write thank you notes, Neil openly wondered how to sign his name on letters to people that (for the most part), he’d never even met.

When I was a teenager, it was so easy to sign cards and letters “Love, Veronica.” I never really wondered if it was appropriate. Back then love was in the air, easy to give and easy to receive, and to this day, some of my closest friends are people I first hooked up with in middle school and high school.

Then at some point in my 20s, after I got married, I started to pause and wonder, “Should I sign this ‘Love, Veronica’?”

Love became a gray area and a source of debate. Who should I use the “L” word with and when?

The advent of electronic mail and abbreviated communications provided an easy out because it gradually diminished the sense that a message should end with a formal closing. In the digital world, it was easy and perfectly acceptable to just sign my name or not sign at all. That was OK and certainly simplified matters.

Still, as a writer, the meaning and use of the “L” word and the necessity of using a closing phrase became a source of personal debate, and I sought appropriate alternatives.

I like the slightly formal but not-too-stuffy good intentions conveyed in “Best” or “All the best.” “Take care” is both casual and sincere and carries a certain warmth and concern. I also favor the lighthearted and convivial “Cheers.” And there are even times when “Peace” is the last word I want to leave with someone before signing off.

One word I never use is “Fondly.” For some reason that strikes me as distinctly tepid, like a limp handshake or faint praise. I’ll pass, thanks.

The upside of the changes in correspondence practices is that it’s helped me recognize the evolution of some relationships, to notice when acquaintances become friends, and when a friend becomes a good friend: someone I’ve trusted with a big piece of myself and someone I carry with me.

As we exchange ever more relevant truths and dig deeper into the past and present, the debate on how to sign a note evaporates. When the “L” word pops onto the page on its own, I smile, pause, and think how lucky I am. Love is once again easy to give and receive, and I feel like I’m 16 all over again.

June 19, 2007

©2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle. All rights reserved.

Monday
Jun182007

Weekend in Luxembourgh

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We spent the weekend in Luxembourgh, a place we'd never visited before. Quite a remarkable city, with ancient cliffs and sturdy fortress and city walls dating back to the Middle Ages. Portions of the city are perched on top of the cliffs, but there's a "valley" below that's a verdant, wooded park. Recessed from the clamor of the city, it's a whole other world. The stucco houses reminded me of Italy.

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The Place des Armes is known as the city's salon. Ringed by cafes, with a bandstand in its center, it pulsed with activity and people. I wish the shops in the adjacent streets had been open on Sunday because I missed my chance to shop on Saturday.

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E took this spectacular photo Saturday night. For those of you in the States, it's 10 p.m. and not dark yet!

(More photos in my online photo album.)

Photos copyright 2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle. All rights reserved.

Sunday
Jun172007

The Father's Day Post

Things that the dad at our house says every day:

1. “Sit properly.”

2. “I want everything out of the car.”

3. “The next time I have to pick this up, I’m throwing it into the trash.”

4. “Elbows off the table.”

5. “Chew with your mouth closed.”

Things that the dad at our house does:

1. He helped coach our son A’s Odyssey of the Mind team this year.

2. He lets A use his tools, knowing that they’re not going to be put away.

3. Even when he’s tired, he’ll play a bored board game with the kids.

4. He’s been a Boy Scout leader or assistant leader for the past six years.

5. E-Grrrl was a Brownie this past year and he was the “Camp Dad.”

6. He has sewn ALL the kids’ Scout merit badges onto their uniforms.

7. He spent many hours making wooden frames for the school art teacher to stretch canvas on.

8. He and A made props for the Drama Club.

9. He battled Friday night traffic backups in Brussels to get A to youth group meetings in Waterloo.

10. He always gets in the pool with the kids, even when the water is cold.

11. He tucks the kids in at night, especially his little Grrrl who hates to go to sleep without being kissed and tucked.

12. He repairs stuffed animals and purchased a special curved needle for closing up tears.

13. He’s easily talked into buying junk at the grocery store.

14. He cleans the fish tank—and the litterbox.

15. He helped coach E-Grrrl’s softball and soccer teams.

16. He drives the kids everywhere.

17. He helps A with math, even when A insists he doesn’t need help with math.

18. When we’re hiking or walking in the city, he always carries everyone’s jackets and water bottles.

19. He likes pizza, hamburgers, and fries as much as the kids do.

20. He believes in seconds on dessert.

21. He can watch kid movies and not fall asleep or roll his eyes.

22. Like lots of dads, he makes pancakes on Sundays, but he also occasionally whips up French toast or eggs on request on school mornings, even when he’s rushed.

23. He teaches the kids to appreciate what I do for them.

24. He‘s not afraid to host other people’s kids or supervise them.

25. He’s nearly always willing to go the playground or on a bike ride or on a hike.

Happy Father’s Day, E! You’re the best.

June 17, 2007

Thursday
Jun142007

It's all in the details

For Teebs, who requested photos on some of the architectural details I mentioned in my post on cleaning my house. The curving staircase that I cleaned and polished earlier this week...

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And looking in the other direction...

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A cozy corner--note the stone fireplace, exposed beams, and the lovely casement windows...

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The driveway. I never knew I could LOVE a driveway.

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The house also has exposed brick walls downstairs, and knotty pine vaulted ceilings and eaves. If we ever build a house in America, it will incorporate a lot of traditional Belgian touches.

June 15, 2007

Copyright 2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle. All rights reserved.

Wednesday
Jun132007

For my friends in Belgium

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Do I look a little sad? It's because I need a home now that I've been rescued from Koekelberg in Belgium, an area notorious for exterminating cats. I'm a friendly male, neutered and vaccinated and looking for a lap to sit in. Can you help me find a permanent home? I am staying with Sylvie in Brussels, a devoted cat rescuer who has removed many cats from Koekelberg and arranged for their care. Sylvie is overwhelmed by the cats needing homes right now. For example, meet Chipie:

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Chipie is a real girly girl. She's about 7 months old and is spayed, sociable, and easy going. However, being a typical female, she decides to whom she goes, especially at the beginning. I think she's waiting for the right person to love. Maybe one day she'll hook up with Mozart:

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Mozart may be a little shy about making eye contact with the camera but he's a sweetie.  Don't tell the other cats, but I think he is Martina's favorite. He's about two years old, neutered and vaccinated and oh-so-affectionate. Martina the Cat Lady says you can play baby with him. So much easier than having a real baby, yes? Give him the love (and the home) he deserves.

If you're interested in these cats or others, please e-mail veronica@v-grrrl.com or Martina.Mueller@ec.europa.eu

Tuesday
Jun122007

Such a good Grrrl

Regular readers know that I consider the endless pursuit of dust and dirt to be an obstacle to obtaining happiness, a one way ticket to frustration and despair. Often, the breakfast dishes sit on the table until I start preparing dinner. The dirty clothes get washed but may sit in fluffy heaps for a day or two before getting folded and put away. I'm fastidious about toilets and sinks but the shower? Well, sometimes I grow a little mildew in there before breaking out the Tilex and Doing the Right Thing. Once in a while I get my Righteousness up and yell at the kids to line up shoes, put up backpacks, and gather up their junk from the living room, but most days I roll with it.

Part of the problem is that this is a BIG house, much bigger than my house in the U.S. and there are many, many surfaces to clean. It's a beautiful home, rich in architectural detail but it's huge by my standards. Three stories and a basement. FIVE bedrooms (admittedly small ones, but still FIVE bedrooms.). THREE bathrooms. TWO toilet rooms. Ceramic tile floors throughout most of the house, hardwood in the bedrooms.

Unlike my house in the U.S., I can't thoroughly clean this house in a day or two. I'm not sure I could deep clean this house in a week. It overwhelms me. But this week, y'all, i've made a vow. This week me and my house are being born again! I am repenting of my dirty life by deep cleaning one room at a time from top to bottom. Just one room a day until I get it all done. Baby steps, people, baby steps. This is my own 12-step recovery program from a life of grime. Be impressed. Be very impressed.

Yesterday I did the foyer and downstairs toilet room. Sound easy? Ha! My foyer is the size of a small bedroom. This is the place everything gets dropped, including all the mud off our shoes. I had to go through the miscellaneous piles of school  papers and gather up random markers, crayons, Barbies, and candy wrappers which were all buried under book bags and shoe pyramids. No lie, I got rid of half the shoes in the pile because my children outgrow their shoes every few months.

I took the big basket of winter hats and mittens and filled it instead with visors and ball caps. I swept AND vacuumed and scrubbed the ceramic tile floor, going over it TWICE until the scrub brush and mop begged for mercy.

In the bathroom, I cleaned the toilet bowl inside and out, did the mirrors, dusted the toilet tissue holder, polished the windowsills and de-calced the sink. For some reason, there's a lot of soot and/or dirt in Belgium. I'm astounded that when I wipe down the tile walls, the rag is seriously DIRTY, not just dusty. Maybe our house didn't get like this in the U.S. because our heating and cooling system incorporated several air filters. Here we heat with radiators and live nine months out of the year with our windows thrown open. E says most Belgian cars run on diesel fuel and this sends a lot of particulates into the air.

Whatever the reason for the grime, I chased it all down yesterday. The foyer walls and switch plates were full of finger and handprints, and I got out the Murphy's Oil soap and removed every last mark. The stairwell was the worst and required the most attention. We have a long curving bannister with multiple shaped spindles, and I cleaned every part of it with Murphy's Oil soap and water. I used my Pampered Chef pot scraper to extract gunk from crevices and creases in and around the spindles. I left no speck of muck behind.

Today I'm tackling the dining room, a.k.a. my craft and stamping studio, tomorrow, the living room. By the time Rock Grrrl arrives at the end of the month, I will have redeemed myself and my dirty ways. My mother, who spent every day of her life cleaning with a vengeance, is undoubtedly smiling down from heaven and saying, "That's my Grrrl!"

June 12, 2007

Sunday
Jun102007

Oh baby it's a wild world

The crash of thunder startled us awake at 5 a.m. on Saturday morning. A pregnant pause followed, and then the clouds tore open and sent a deluge of rain splattering onto the roof.

As E closed windows and unplugged electronics, the world whitened and the thunder overcame the dull roar of rain a few more times. Petey paced and meowed but soon the rumbles were distant, the rain slower, and sleep beckoned again.

Saturday’s meteorological outburst was an uncommon experience for me here in Belgium, where lightning seldom seems to strike once, let alone twice. When I lived in Virginia, violent thunderstorms occurred regularly from March through September.

I’m no weather grrrl, but apparently the warm moist air off the Atlantic Ocean was always colliding with the cold fronts traveling south from Canada and as the two air masses fought for domination of the atmosphere, all hell would break loose below.

Most often the skirmishes would arise between late afternoon and midnight, with clouds gathering ominously during rush hour and exploding later to ruin barbeques and picnic plans. When my kids were small, the storms always seemed to unleash their sound and fury just as I was trying to get them to bed. Our solution was to let them sleep together so they weren't alone at night. It wasn’t unusual to have thunderstorms every day in the South during the spring, a bizarre nightcap for sure.

At best the storms were a nerve-jarring nuisance, at worst they left destruction in their wake. I never left the house in Virginia without unplugging the computer, printer, television, and stereo. Few surge protectors can handle what Mother Nature dishes out and on the morning after a bad storm, there would sometimes be a queue of folks with dead computers lining up at the local repair shop.

One morning when I was the first to arrive at the office, a fine plume of smoke snaked out of the disc drive of my computer when I booted it up. Oh my. The lightning surge had traveled into the building on the phone lines we used with our modems back then. Most of the phones were fried as well as several computers.

At my home in Virginia, we’ve spent thousands of dollars on tree services related to storm damage in the last five years. Once as I huddled in a central bathroom in the house with the kids, a violent wind shear cracked the tops off several substantial maple tree and left them dangling. We heard them pop above the roar of the wind. Even when damage wasn’t that extensive, large limbs might break and the yard would be littered with smaller branches and leaves.

When I was 12, my family lived in an old house in the mountains of Virginia, next to a mill with a creek falling behind it. That particular house used to blow light bulbs during a storm. The lightning would strike and you’d hear the bulb filaments pop. My poor mother would become slightly unglued. She was terrified of storms. Her mother, who had lived most of her life in a small village outside of Rome, Italy, had once been knocked off her milking stool in the barn when a ball of lightning rolled through. My grandmother passed her fear onto my mother, and I carried a small vestige of it with me into adulthood.

I’ve had several close encounters with tornadoes in Virginia and Oklahoma, two of them while driving in a car. The most memorable, however, occurred when my son was a baby and I was visiting a friend for a few days. I’d put my son down to sleep, and my girlfriend and I were watching a movie on television. Soon the broadcast was interrupted by weather bulletins warning of severe weather in our area. The wind whipped, lightning flashed, and rain began battering the windows. The weatherman announced that a tornado had been spotted and showed the location and expected path on a map on the TV screen.

I glanced at my friend and said, “It looks like it’s headed our way.” And just then thunder cracked, the TV screen went blank, and we heard sirens. Remarkably, my son was sleeping through the storm. His porta-crib was positioned next to an enormous window, and my girlfriend and I each grabbed an end of it and carried it into the hallway that ran down the center of the house. He never woke, and I hardly slept. What a pair. The storm raged most of the night and dumped 6 inches of rain on the area. A tornado struck within a mile of my girlfriend’s house and portions of the town experienced flash floods.

So the "gentle" storm we had in the Brussels area Saturday morning brought back memories and embedded a few amusing thoughts in this expat’s mind: Belgium is a very reserved country in every respect and the old saying, “Everything is bigger in America” applies even to the weather.

June 10, 2007

Copyright 2007 Veronica McCabe Deschambault and V-Grrrl in the Middle.

Thursday
Jun072007

The annual migration

It’s that time of year.

Basements, attics, and closets are being purged, boxes are being packed, and the moving vans are pulling up. Familiar faces disappear and new ones show up. It’s an annual migration; one group of expats leaves just as another arrives.

I’m always amazed how smoothly it appears to happen. People seem to come and go with little angst. Growing up, my family only moved once, when I was about 12. We went from the far flung suburbs of New York City to the rocky hills of rural Virginia. While I came to love the South and consider it home, the move itself was a dramatic change and quite a trauma at the time.

As an adult, I moved from Virginia to Oklahoma and back again. Before we came to Belgium, we had lived in one place for 15 years and had deep roots in the community. When word spread that we were leaving, many people raised a fuss.

There were multiple farewell parties hosted by my children’s school, my friends and neighbors, the Boy Scouts, our co-workers, and our church. Many people stopped by our home to wish us well, and in the last frantic days before our move, friends pitched in to keep our kids occupied while we ironed out the final details.

Even though I wanted to come to Belgium, even though I knew I would be moving back to the U.S. in a few years, I still shed plenty of tears. It was a very emotional experience for me, separating from the place I’d called home for so long. As the movers were packing up our things, I had to excuse myself from the house not once but twice. I sat in my car, which was parked across the street, and indulged in a crying jag. I took photos of the house. I memorized the way the trees looked against the bright blue March sky. I tried not to think about the people I was leaving behind.

Contrast that experience with the average American expat in our circle, most of whom are military families. Moving plans are barely noticed or acknowledged, the stress of relocating is minimized as people activate a series of procedures they’ve managed many times before, and no one organizes a series of parties to say goodbye. People leave without regret or a glance over their shoulders, and their names and accomplishments disappear from conversation almost instantly. The American expat community here is remarkably forward looking. They just plunge into the next adventure and don’t indulge in sentimental attachments or reflections. They leave people and places behind without a second thought.

A part of me really admires that mentality: the ability to be where you are and not look back, to move forward without always knowing where you’re going, to accept whatever assignment is rolled your way. Too many people become paralyzed by familiarity and uncertainty and stagnate. That’s certainly something I fight in my own thinking and temperament. I appreciate strong ties to people and places, but I don’t want to be bound and gagged by them.

Still, I know when it comes time for me to leave Belgium next year, I’ll be glancing over my shoulder at the rolling green hills, red brick houses, and cobblestone streets. I’ll be trying to memorize the pearl gray of the sky and the way the wind sounds as it bends the white birch trees around the house in the spring and fall. I will undoubtedly cry when the heavy wooden door of our brick cottage closes behind us for the last time. My goodbyes will be tinged with regret, but I'm certain I won’t be leaving all my friends behind but carrying a few friendships with me back to America.

June 7, 2007